hi,

ive been depressed for many years now, not to the point of a lot of people here but its enough to completly take over my life.

firstly i want to ask, does depression make you tired all the time, im fairly healthy an d exercise 4 times a week,good diet but i do smoke. i dont drink as much as i used to and i dont take drugs any more, i only took drugs for about a year, ive been depressed way before that.

i think im the kinda person who brings it on themselvs if that makes sense, sometimes i hate going out in public, im a fairly big man(not fat) and i think it threatens other men so the minute i walk in anywhere im stared at and commented on straight away.

for example i went ot local pub to meet new people with flatmate(i recently moved country) and i got on grand with some but these 2 men for no reason i didnt even talk to started commenting on me and insulting me. it wrecked me i felt like crap all night then. i didnt even blink an eyelid at them.

I have a look on my face that tells the wrong story about me:-)

but well before this ive had problems with my looks, i always look tired like im stoned and as everyone knows looks count nig time this day and age so people comment and mock me, its been happening since i was very young like since 10 years old and slowly that over the years has been eating me inside.

the thing is i get beautiful women and never had a problem, women do actually go for personality

but in saying that i feel like i cant get women or make friends without a big struggle of proving myself, some people just get friends so easily but i find it such an uphill struggle to do it, its killing me and my energy.

but since i found out i have hpv ive been ruined, so many missed chances with women, its ruioning me. also if i got with a woman i found it hard to get an erection, most times i didnt so i had to make excuses and run. this has been happening for a long while and its all built up now and im so depressed.

i think im so ugly and useless, i can even look straight when i walk out in public , i get panic attaks and my paranoia is through the roof. i constantly every second have this horrible tense feeling in my stomach.i really dont know what to do

i dont see a future for me and i could only see this getting worse.

any help appreciated, im really down and i shouldnt be,im still young(mid 20's) i should be living life and im not,im slowly rotting away. every time it seems positive someone/something puts me right back down again