I hate that I am the way that I am. I was married at a young age (1 and was faithful. my then husband went to iraq and came back in july of 06 where he then moved me to Oklahoma. when i was in OKlahoma i found out in august that he had cheated on me with an army girl while in iraq and had gotten her pregnant. he had unprotected sex with her multiple times and told her i was nothing but a friend to him who had a "contract" marriage. after i found out (which was by him email account, he never told me and was still having unprotected sex with me without ever telling me he had cheated) i left him and very soon after began a relationship with a wonderful man who was my ex's polar opposite. We got pregnant 3 weeks after dating and then got married shortly after. to show you the time span i left in august got pregnant in october.. needless to say i never had the time to really get over the horrible feeling of being cheated on. it was the worst thing ive ever gone through in my life and it still haunts me everyday. my husband now is a wonderful, great guy but in my opinion he has so much more to offer then my ex. everytime we go out girls hit on him. he is just a geniune good friendly handsome guy with a great personality. my problem is that i am so so insecure. i am petrified to be cheated on again. the first time it happened i didnt sleep and had to be put on valium and didnt eat for a week and i didnt ever feel half as much for my ex and i do for my now husband. my husband and i have only been together for 10 months total and i am 9 months pregnant next week. everytime he goes out without me (which isnt often its happened twice in 10 months) i get physically ill over it. I worry so much he is going to get drunk and cheat on me and i dont think i could take it. I worry myself into and upset stomach. for example right now it is almost 3 am and my hubby is in hawaii for work. he didnt have a choice in going ( he is in the military) but is out with the guys from work drinking at the bars in waikiki. i cant sleep and cant get this sick feeling from my stomach that something will happen. I am so scared and i hate this. i hate being insecure and i hate holding my past against him. i know its not fair for me not to trust him because hes never done anything to take away his trust.


my question is has anyone else gone through this and how do you get over it ?? how do you get over the fear? I hate myself for being this way and not trusting him and i know its not fair i just cant make myself stop.



edited to add that i only get like this when i know he is going out to bars and there will be alcohol involved.. im not like this when he is at work or anything.. i just get scared when i know he wont be sober.. he is 26 years old and its not like its his first time drinking..
i think part of it maybe that i am very uncomfortable with my body right now and feel very very unattractive (due to the fact im so big and pregnant)
..

if anyone reads this whole thing thank you so much in advanced.. i just needed to vent.