i don't think he can just "decide" to sign away his rights, unless you go along with it too. Can you imagine how many parents would be signing away their rights if they could just decide to?

do you want him to?

and no, if he signs away his rights, hes not responsible for childsupport anymore.

No. He is no longer bound to her in any way. There is a difference between you having sole custody and him signing away his legal rights.

If he signs his rights away, I don't believe he's responsible for child support. But you might want to do a bit of research on .google.

that's what i have been doing. i've been researching it online for the last hour. there's just so much stuff, it's all confusing.

i'm going to drive over to the library in a bit to try book research.

and yes, i do want him to sign away his rights. i want to move out of state with her, 8-hr's away from him. he's also so angry with me right now that he threatened to skip out on paying child support. i know, he could be thrown in jail for refusal to pay, but look at how many fathers get away with it. my father owed my mother over $100,000 in child support before he passed away.

he also does not want to move, since we're no longer a couple. he wants to stay here with his family, which i completely understand. with the distance between us, it would make joint custody difficult. he even said to me it wouldn't be fair to him, because he'd see his daughter a few times a year.

he sounds like he wants the easy way out, a few times a year would be better than nothing for me, but hey.

well then he could sign his rights away since you want him to, too.. but no he won't be required to pay child support.

What would probably be easier if you had custody and he had visitation rights. So like a few weeks during the summer, alternating christmas and thanksgiving and then like spring break. Many parents live in different states and make visitation work. And you guys are only talking a couple of hours.

If you want child support from him, you have to hope he pays because your right, the state can only do so much and plenty of dead beat dads get away with it.

You guys will have to decide what will be best for your child, not for either of you. If him not being in her life is best for her, then let him sign away custody, but he will not be legal bound to offer any monitary contribution to her up bringing. On the other hand, if you share custody and he does not pay his child support, you are still bound to allow him visitation.

I think that you two should research things. But honestly, give it time before you talk about this.

i'm going to do as much research as i can. i already emailed him, telling him to do the same, but he's always out with "the guys." he's become really irresponsible over the last couple of weeks.

but yeah, i'm keeping .Jole's interest in mind. you're right - this isn't about us, but our daughter.

i'm willing to settle for joint custody, where he could have her for some time over the summer, but that's if he is willing to pay & keep up with child support. it's not fair that he gets to see .Joleigh if he's not willing to help me out with supporting her. children are expensive!

Don't do anything without consulting a lawyer or someone. There maybe help out there that is free for someone in your situation. I wouldn't do anything rash right now such as agreeing to let him sign away legal rights. You just broke up. Even if you weren't getting along in the past, I do think he would be getting off too easy. Your father ended up owing your mom a lot of money before he died and that probably doesn't give you much hope in the system.

I do know that a lot of states are starting to or do garnish a person's wages in the amount they owe per month in child support. In the future, he may be able and willing to pay some child support. Lets say that he really wants to be in his child's life in the future. He may be a father but you will have no backing as far as money. Of course, he will have no say in anything that pertains to his bio-child. We are talking 18 years here!! A lot can happen in 18 years and I wouldn't cut out the possibility of child support and perhaps a guy who could potentially be a great father figure in your child's life in the future. People can change significantly as they get older and mature.

I personally believe the signing away a father's rights is good when the guy is physically or emotionally abusive.

You can still move out of state if you are the sole guardian. It happens all the time. It sounds like he does want to be in her life and he is reacting emotionally as well. He said that it wouldn't be fair if you move away because he would only see her two times a year, but did he also suggest signing away the legal rights? If so, even thinking of signing away rights would really not be in the best interest. He is confused as well. Often times when the fathers see their babies, they have a change of heart. The idea of parenthood becomes less abstract because the baby is now there.

Again, don't let your wanting to move play a part in the "signing away rights" decision.

***Just read your response. We were typing at the same time. I believe you will make it all work out some how. I am sorry this is happening to you.

I'm so sorry things are so tough for you right now. I think you should get some legal advice and not make any rash decisions. You're talking about your child's whole life and those are decisions that shouldn't be based on emotions but on what is best for the baby. That includes at least an effort to keep the baby's father and extended family a part of the baby's life. I just googled some stuff that might be helpful. There are some numbers that you can call and they may be able to give you some information or put you in touch with someone who can help. I don't know if you live in the states or canada.

http://www.divorcecentral.com/resource/org anization.html

Hope things get better between you and him. Having a baby is a strain on any relationship and people deal with the stress differently. Things might look different down the road a little. Good luck.

thanks ladylee.

you're right, i think we're both tying our own personal emotions into this right now. we did just break up, and of course it's expected that we're both extremely angry & hurt. which is why we're currently not speaking to one another. i think him & i both need to calm down & collect ourselves, before we make any rash decisions that could hurt .Joleigh.

he did not suggest the severance of his parental rights. i threw it at him a couple of weeks ago, during one of our disputes. right after he threatened to back out of paying child support. i told him if he's not going to help me support her, then he might as well sign her away, out of his life. he mentioned it again, the other night, that he wouldn't pay me a penny if i decided to move out of state with her. "why should i have to pay for a person i barely see?" - that's basically his mentality about this whole situation.

i know he's hurt. and i know he wants to be actively involved with her. he talks about her all the time, and when we go shopping for baby stuff, he's just as excited as i am about it. it's just, as much as he adores her, he's acting so irresponsible as of late. he's not working - and neither am i, but that's because my job became too much for me - and he goes out every night with "the guys." he's spending money he doesn't have & money we obviously need right now. he is also very unwilling to understand what i'm going through being pregnant & everything else on top of that. he yells at me constantly, and gives me an attitude. i just don't need it, not while i'm pregnant. bascially - we're miserable together & it's just not going to work out between us.

i'm moving to west virginia, because all of my family resides there. his family is in new jersey. he was going to move along with me [& the baby], but now that we are no longer a couple, he has decided to stay here & be with his family. i completely understand that.

idk. i'm going to look at this from all angles & weigh out all legal options. i also want to see what he has to say about it, seriously. he needs to do some thinking of his own, and tell me exactly what he would like to happen.

i just wanted to say i hope you have his social security number so if you do wanna get child support you can find him easier.

I think you need to slow down and give it some time. right now you are both angry. I would wait til Joleigh is born and then see how things go. Signing rights away is forever (he will off the birthcertificate, no child support, his family will have no rights to see her either.)

Please think this all through once it has calmed down a bit.

ugh! i just called him. he just angers me, so much.

i am going to wait it out a bit before we get any lawyers involved or move it into the court room. him & i are both way too emotional to deal with the stress of it all right now.

i love .Jole so much already, but i'm beginning to really wish we had been a whole lot more careful in bed.

My cousin made a harsh decision because Brendon's father was being an ass...well he had paper's drawn up and she signed them. Well, without paying any attention to what the paper's said she decided to go for support because she can't do it alone...and his papers are holding up. She cant' get anything from him...because she signed them.

So I wouldn't do anything with out talking to a lawyer first.

Good luck

You can't get a lawyer yet, you haven't had the baby so, technically, there is nothing to be in any dispute over yet.

You two sound very unhappy together. Stop talking to him. If you broke up, there is not reason to continue even speaking to him at this point, is there?

He sounds like he needs to get a job. Is he looking for a job? Where does the money come from?

Do not sign away his parental rights. First of all, you can move, you can do whatever as the sole guardian, just like Ladylee said. And it is his responsibility to pay child support. He made the baby too, he doesn't get the choice to just walk away. Visitation won't even be an issue for a few years anyway. If he wants to see her, he'll find a way to see her. If he doesn't want to see her, well, he'll still have to pay child support. It is the law. They can not only garnish his wages but his tax return too. He will eventually work and have to file a tax return. That money will go to you.

Now that all this is said, you need to let go of this toxic relationship. You sound very angry in all your posts about it and continuing with the drama of 'he is always out with the guys', is not good for you. Let him go so you can find a better place in your own life.

Good luck!