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My Boyfriend Is Mentally And Physically Abusive

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years, i am 23 now and I have 1 child with him. Over the years he cheated on me ( never admitted to it) he calls me names, and will "blow" up over something so stupid like if he can't find something. I work full time as well as a full time mom, and I am finally leaving him. the problem is I don't know how. We rent a house together and have a dog. The mental abuse got so bad that now it's natural to call me a fu**ing idiot. I was in an abuse relaltionship when I was 14 to 16, and It ended up with an restraining order. I don't want to do that to him. i know I sound pathetic, after beating the crap out of me with his shoe in front of the baby i should have left, I think becuase I didn't know how in my past relationship ( i had a therapist help me) I don't know how now. I am afraid I am going to make the wrong decision for my daughter, and I don't want her to hate me later on in life( she is 3), But I don't want her to think that it's ok for a guy to call you names. We don get along sometimes, we don't do anything together like go out, we'll stay home BBQ and stuff, i'm always the one with the baby ( i have no helP) my mom don't live here, and i have no other family. His mom don't help. And neither does he. Anybody have any ideas on how to help me?
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First Helper Doriz
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replied June 7th, 2007
Re: My Boyfriend Is Mentally And Physically Abusive
stuckto wrote:
My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years, i am 23 now and I have 1 child with him. Over the years he cheated on me ( never admitted to it) he calls me names, and will "blow" up over something so stupid like if he can't find something. I work full time as well as a full time mom, and I am finally leaving him. the problem is I don't know how. We rent a house together and have a dog. The mental abuse got so bad that now it's natural to call me a fu**ing idiot. I was in an abuse relaltionship when I was 14 to 16, and It ended up with an restraining order. I don't want to do that to him. i know I sound pathetic, after beating the crap out of me with his shoe in front of the baby i should have left, I think becuase I didn't know how in my past relationship ( i had a therapist help me) I don't know how now. I am afraid I am going to make the wrong decision for my daughter, and I don't want her to hate me later on in life( she is 3), But I don't want her to think that it's ok for a guy to call you names. We don get along sometimes, we don't do anything together like go out, we'll stay home BBQ and stuff, i'm always the one with the baby ( i have no helP) my mom don't live here, and i have no other family. His mom don't help. And neither does he. Anybody have any ideas on how to help me?



You should never feel sorry for a man who doesn't care if his little girl is watching him beat you up. You should get a restraining order as soon as you can. Its not healthy for you or for your daughter to be around someone who is abusive. Leaving him is the best thing you can do for the well being of you and your daughter. She might not understand now ( no child does especially at that age ) but if you keep her around that environment she just might find herself in the same situation when she gets older.

I was around 6 when i saw my parents have a physical fight. Its scarring and difficult to understand at such a young age. They seperated and my mother talked to me every day about how they couldn't live together anymore. Now that i'm older i completely understand and congradulate my mom for making the right decision. Things could have gone worse and because of their divorce my dad found help and truly changed. My parents never got back together but i don't hate my mom for making that decision.

You need to get professional help to overrcome the mental abuse you went through for so long. You can make it on your own. You have a full time job and you did say your the only one who takes care of the baby. You are better off without him and im sure everthing will go well for you.

Be strong and don't fear anything, you'll find yourself getting through this.

Good Luck!
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replied June 8th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
800-799-safe is a number you can call in any sort of family crisis and there are people trained to help you. They can talk you through how to get out of your situation.

I Wish you the best.

I had to edit to change the number from a local one to a national one Wink
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replied June 8th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
I would not ever fel bad for someone like him.He obviously doesn't care about you or his daughter or he wouldn't do the things he does! WHy would your daughter hate you?You *need* to get her out of that situation.how would you feel if he hit her or started callig her names and treating her like he treats you?It's not a good situation for you or her to be in.As much as you do not want a restraining order (whch I don't know why) I think its in your best interest.Maybe call your parents and tell them whats going on,i'm sure they would be happy to help get you two out of there in a heart beat! Please,do something before he does anything else that may be worse!
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replied June 10th, 2007
Praying For You
Children who witness trauma are affected in several ways. The trauma of witnessing abuse has long lasting effects on their emotional development.

I too was in the same shoes as you are and almost ended up dead! The power and control surrounding domestic violence is an issue that you cannot change. You cannot change someone else, but you can do the best to protect your children and yourself. You should go to a battered women's shelter or some other safe place.

I was walking to my college class in broad daylight when my ex boyfriend tried to cut my throat in the middle of downtown Atlanta. I had put up with the abuse for three years then finally left. It is by the grace of God that I am here today.

You need to ask yourself why you feel you deserve this and why you don't want better for yourself or your children. God promises us peace and joy, dafety and good health, power, love and a strong mind. Why are you giving away the many blessings God has for you?

Love yourself first. GET OUT and save yourself. If something were to happen to your child that you know you could have prevented...how would you feel? Would you be able to forgive yourself? (You could with God's help) Don't wait on a disaster to happen before you wake upa nd realize that the next time he hits you, you could fall and hit your head and die. Your daughter could accidentally get pushed into the wall and DIE! Death is final! Protect yourself!

I never thought anyone would try to kill me. Here I stand today, as a testimony to other women that God wants us to be free from any opression and depression, any fear or worry.

Go to God and ask for the strength to surrender your life to him, to remove anything that is not in His Will from your life. You obviously feel like you do not want to leave. God can get rid of the situation for you, if you will just give it to him. Stop trying to figure out what to do, and go to GO TO GOD for guidance. He will fight your battles. He will either make that man disappear or give you the strength to leave. Keep your faith in the Lord that your life will be better. You deserve the BEST> I love you, my sister! Stay in touch and let me know that you are okay.

I volunteer with the battered women's movement now and there are a lot of resources for you. You need to have a friend that can come and get you in the event of an emergency, with a bag already packed with your kids and your birth certificates and etc. You and your friend should get a secret code so you can tell her to come without him knowing what you are saying. Stay out of the bathroom and the kitchen when you fight. Bathroom is too small and there are knives in the kitchen. You will survive this. Please keep in touch.
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replied June 24th, 2007
Re: My Boyfriend Is Mentally And Physically Abusive
stuckto wrote:
My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years, i am 23 now and I have 1 child with him. Over the years he cheated on me ( never admitted to it) he calls me names, and will "blow" up over something so stupid like if he can't find something. I work full time as well as a full time mom, and I am finally leaving him. the problem is I don't know how. We rent a house together and have a dog. The mental abuse got so bad that now it's natural to call me a fu**ing fool. I was in an abuse relaltionship when I was 14 to 16, and It ended up with an restraining order. I don't want to do that to him. i know I sound pathetic, after beating the crap out of me with his shoe in front of the baby i should have left, I think becuase I didn't know how in my past relationship ( i had a therapist help me) I don't know how now. I am afraid I am going to make the wrong decision for my daughter, and I don't want her to don't like me later on in life( she is 3), But I don't want her to think that it's ok for a guy to call you names. We don get along sometimes, we don't do anything together like go out, we'll stay home BBQ and stuff, i'm always the one with the baby ( i have no helP) my mom don't live here, and i have no other family. His mom don't help. And neither does he. Anybody have any ideas on how to help me?


there's no excuse for him to lay his hands on you. i like it when people can work their things out but in your case you have tried and you have proof that it doesn't work. since this is your second relationship that ended up bad you need to do some self-reflecting too. you're still young and you can get over this so first you must accept it as a fact of your past and if you get in to relationship later you must find a man who understands the things that you have been through. from your side you should always remember that not all men are like this so you shouldnt assume anything about the next man. just stick to good values and be open minded about everything even the food you like.....you should act like a new person to be able to move on. and i hope you will be able to and find someone who makes you feel loved. take care
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replied July 8th, 2007
Hello,

I am so sorry your going through that abuse right now!! I would say LEAVE HIM!!! He doesnt respect you or your baby!! Dont feel sorry for leaving, you are doing this for you and your babies well being!! Can you move out of state with your mom, until you get on your feet again??? Good luck.
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