Im embarrassed to be discussing the situation Ive gotten myself into but really need some objective advice. My boyfriend & I have been together for about 1 1/2 yrs. I put him through ALOT during our relationship and he has stuck by me. I was going through a horrible time in my life when we started seeing eachother and I was very self destructive. I was drinking ALOT and lying to him to cover this for months. In Oct 2006 I had a wreck due to my drinking (luckily only hurt myself & no one else). This was truly my wakeup call and since then I have been clean & sober. I have faced up to the legal consequences of drinking and driving and am working to show my boyfriend, family & friends that I am changing and sorry for all I put them through.

I found out a couple of months after my wreck that my boyfriend had been on an online "dating" service around the time of my wreck. I confronted him about it and he admited that he was trying to see what was out there, nothing happened and said it was because of everything I put him through. He apologized profusely and gave me access to his computer, phone, etc incase I wanted to keep an eye on what he was doing. I put all of this behind me but told him that if he needed time to process everything I had put him through he should take it and decide if he still wanted to be with me or not. He said he knew he wanted to be with me.

Feb 2007 I had to go out of town for 2 months. He was sad to see me go but we write, talked, visited during this time. Pretty quickly after I left he seemed different to me and not nearly as interested as I was in staying in touch. I found out during this time that I am pregnant (4 months along when I found out, NO symptoms for 4 months). I was hesitant for him to find out because of how he seemed different. He was surprised and since I have been back this past month he has tried to be supportive but has admited that while I was away he had time to think. The time apart made him realize what I had put him through, that he wasnt over it & that I was not the person he thought I was when we first met. I know if I wasnt pregnant we wouldnt be together. A big part of me wants to leave (we live together) but he says he wants me there to see if we can rebuild things. I dont feel like we are rebuilding though, he hasnt kissed me once since I've been back, etc. Im not sure what to do. I love him but do not want to be in a relationship where he is with me just because of the baby. It feels that way right now and is very depressing. Any opinions? I know I am not thinking too straight these days. Thanks