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Cant Get Hard Enough Before Intercourse.

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Hey all, so few weeks ago I posted a topic, that I was about to lose my virginity, and after I put on the condom, my penis just went soft and numb. So I got over my depression, about that case, and now me and my girlfriend have been trying couple of more times, but now its like what ???

When we meet, we just kiss or hug etc, my penis is like rock hard in 30secs, really hard. Same goes for masturbation, when I masturbate, my penis goes really rock hard, also my morning errections are pretty hard. But the problem is this 1st time when I was trying to lose my virginity, I think I went soft becouse of stress, etc. But now, I am completely comfortable with her, and relaxed. But look what is the problem, its like when we start the foreplay, kissing, etc, my penis just gets hard in 30secs, but like, I know that women need more time to get arroused than men, so like we are kissing, etc, im just warming her up, and its like about 20mins or so, and by the time, I just dont feel so arroused anymore, though, she is there almost naked, top of me, or im top of her, excellently shaped body, but after 20mins, when I am about to penetrate her, my penis is errected, but its not hard enough, (and not that hard that it was like in those first 30secs) to put a condom on, it is like somewhere between errected and flacid. I dont know why it happens, sometimes, my penis is rock hard after those 20mins of foreplay, but like when I put on the condom, it goes numb and soft. Its like no matter what, I'm allways too soft to enter her. Guys please help, I'm really emberassed Sad All the time I got to finger her, or give her oral, but I see it in her face, that she is getting sick of it, and she wants that I penetrate her with my penis, but I cant ! Im just so fraid of loosing her, or anything, I love her, but I just cant satisfy her ! Sad Please, oh please help me.
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replied June 4th, 2007
Experienced User
So you're over depression and completely relaxed with her?

I would say you're not. If you're embarrassed by it, you're not relaxed about it. The best way to truly relax about it is to talk to her about it. Let her know it's not her, that you care about her and her pleasure, and that you want to work through this. Turn the sex into a bonding time without the pressure of performing. Her caring response is what will be able to relax you truly. You and her need to not expect it to happen, and not be disappointed when it doesn't.

Condoms can be a tricky thing sometimes. They take away physical sensation, but perhaps worse is they take away mental concentration. You put sex and arousal out of your mind and get the condom out of the drawer. Open the package. Roll down the rim a little to expose the reservoir. Pinch the reservoir and put it on your penis and go to roll it down. Then some condoms just seem difficult to use. The rims don't roll well or they're too slippery. All that time without stimulation or arousing thoughts can lower your erection to the point of it not being useable.

So the tricks...one is your condom choice. Like I said some are just more difficult than others to put on. Find one that's good for you. If you want to get fancy there's some real easy to put on condoms.

Like...

http://www.prontocondoms.co.za/demo_mov.ht m

or...(NSFW...two women in underwear demonstrate how to use it. No nudity though)

http://www.blennus.com/index.php?option=co ntent&task=view&id=256&Itemid=

The other condom concern is sensation. There are tons of varieties, so if you think you can't feel enough look for thinner or enhanced pleasure type condoms until you find one that works for you. Often times adding some lube to the inside of the condom helps the sensation as it will slide around on you better. Don't do it to where the condom slides off though. Maybe just a dab around the head.

However, condoms really aren't the issue, that's just a little bonus help. The problem is likely some anxiety or a need to concentrate on arousal more. If it's anxiety, talk to her. Or if absolutely need be, drink some Chammomile tea, or take a couple Passion Flower tablets. As for the arousal think about things that turn you on. Sure she's naked with you, but are you looking at her and really appreciating her beauty and how it turns you on. Look at what arouses you and think about it, touching it, kissing it. Listen to her sounds. Or watch the way her body moves or her breasts swing. Think about her hand or mouth on you, or what it will feel like when you penetrate her. Think about the sensations you'll get or the orgasm. The trick is to not think about getting an erection, but think about the things that give you an erection.

But don't concentrate like you're doing a large math calculation in your head. Think about it sensuously, in an arousing way. Don't stare at her breast hoping to get an erection. Look at her breast, think about what it would feel like dragged across your chest, or caressed by your fingertips. I find that the brain and thoughts are the biggest arousal, but you might find touch to work. If so you could ask her to give you a little tease. To touch you with her hands, mouth, breasts, hair, or whatever you like. I sometimes find stimulation to the penis too direct and does not always equate to an erection. Teases is what can help me, because it triggers the thought. Rather than her hand on my penis stroking away mechanically, I find her hand sliding across my thighs, stomach or pubic area to be more arousing. Her hand isn't on my penis, but I want it to be and it turns me on, so I get hard.

Then when you're at your hardest, that's the time to put the condom on. So it might be good to have the condom ready and open and pinched so all you have to do is place it and roll it.
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replied June 4th, 2007
Well, big thanks for the reply. I live in Germany, and the one of the best condoms what we can get here are the - Contex, well, it desont matter, you said, that I should get that rubber gnome out of the package, and put it on when im really hard, but like, if i will leave the condom out of the package, wont it become dry ? Like normally its allready lubricated, with somekind of oil, or you can get the lubricated condoms, but if i will leave it out of it's package, wont it dry out ? Another thing, you said that the thoughts go away, while putting the condom on, well i think thats the reason, I just realized it, becouse like when I want to put on the condom, im nervous about, that it wont flip, break, or anything, and im just trying to do that fast, as I got fear, that she will cool down. Maybe thats the reason, hmmm... Ill try the tip with the tea, I love drinking teas, and if it helps, hell yeah !

Anyways thanks, I appreceate it
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replied June 4th, 2007
Experienced User
I don't mean to suggest to take the condom out at the start of any foreplay, or it might dry some. Though, drying would take some time so even several minutes would be fine. Especially since your foreplay as gotten her wet already.

I just mean have the condom ready for when you are completely hard, as opposed to getting hard and then getting the condom. So if you're girlfriend is getting you hard through stimulation you could get the condom out then, but don't lose interest in what she's doing. Or if you're ready to have sex, get the condom out and ready even if you don't have an erection. Then work on your erection through thought, tease, touch, etc.

Is there anything that really arouses you? Such as the moans of your gf when you rub her clit? If so, you could the condom out and ready, do that to her to keep her warm and at the same time since it arouses you, it could get you hard. Then slip it on, move into intercourse.

Also, when putting on the condom you're focusing on that as opposed to sex. So try not to lose focus on sex. Don't think "Ok, place condom on penis. Grab rim. Roll it down. It's not rolling. It's stuck. Damn, why won't it roll. I'm going to lose my erection. Damn. I'm going soft. Roll damn it.!" Instead think about her body, or how it's going to feel when you slide into her. You can think and chew gum at the same time, so you can think and roll on a condom at the same time. Even if the condom gets tricky you're capable of solving problems and thinking of sex at the same time.

Then once you're having sex the feeling should keep you hard, as well as continuing to concentrate on the things that arouse you like her body, sounds, smells, or the sensations of your own body.
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replied June 4th, 2007
Hi. I agree that you should totally relax and talk to your gf about the situation. Remind her that she turns you on and the problem you are experiencing isn't lack of attaction toward her. It takes some practice, you can't just go into sex thinking that it will be exactly as you see on tv. The best way to make it better is to talk to your gf about what you want to do, what turns her on, what turns you on, etc.

That being said, my husband and I had to start using condoms after the birth of our 3rd child 6 months ago. It was very different for us and it was like learning all over again because it had been years since using one. He had the same problem you are experiencing. One thing that helped us was that I put the condom on for him so that it became more of a flirty/sexy experience for him. Ask your girlfriend to kiss the head of your penis before putting the condom on while you touch her breasts. Or have her put it on you while you are rubbing her clitoris. Just get creative with it. Make it a part of foreplay instead of a chore. Just remember to put it on correctly while you're having your fun. Good luck!
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replied June 4th, 2007
Experienced User
well. . . i still don't think you're relax enought. still, there's anxiety and nervousness . . . my first time wasn't really that hard because i was a bit nervous. you will soon learn how to be relax and let the course of natural things flow.
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replied April 15th, 2009
I CANT GET IT UP!!!!!!! need help fast!
Hello, Im 20years of age and Im having problems getting my penis erect!!!!

My story:

I haven't had a sexual relationship for around 1year now because i'm a pretty nervous guy who cant seem go up to girls and ask them out, until recently. Anyway last night i tried to have sex with this amazing girl and i just couldn't get erect! We did some foreplay for about 10/15mins and when it came to the sex there was no movement down there what so ever! She totally understood the situation and we have decided to meet up again next week! I really want to know what went wrong and i really do not want it to happen again. When i masturbate i am fine it is just when it comes to sex.

Please help!!!!

Cheers Ed
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replied May 2nd, 2010
hi im 18 years onld and my penis gets hard and goes num after im in her.
i am real hard at the first minutes than it goes num, i have been having right testicle problems it hurts sometimes than goes away when it hurts my waist hurts nd my right leg feels weird i have though that thats what causing the problem, the pain started to happen ever scince i was jumping on a trampoline and fell on my ass nd my back hurted i dont know whats the problem but i wnt to the doc and they just gave me pain killers
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