Pregnancy Community Chat Forum - Baby Shower "rules"

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Q: Baby Shower "rules"

asked by: AuDacia on June 1st, 2007

Experienced User

is it wrong to plan your own baby shower?

usually the parent's take it into their own hands & plan a surprise shower, but my boyfriend & i are kind of in an odd position. my mother lives in another state [WV]. him & i will be moving there in less than a month. it's 8-hr's from our home state [NJ]. obviously, since his family & all our friends live here, we want the baby shower to be held in new jersey. that's not a problem, because once the date is set, we know when to drive back up.

i'm not comfortable with somebody else planning our baby shower. my mother's best friend, who i live with right now, offered to do it. i love her & trust her, but her life is already busy enough. i'm 5-mo's pregnant & the shower is being planned for early august. [a lot of my friends go away to college at the end of the summer].

idk what to do. i feel like if i don't take things into my own hands, it'll never get done. and i won't have a baby shower.

oh, and another question. is it wrong to have the shower .A.F.T.E.R baby is born? that was another option of our's. if we can't get it all together in the next two months, i might just wait until .Joleigh's born.

thanks!

Replies(15)

Mommy35

replied on June 2nd, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

It is considered to be in bad taste to plan your own shower. To me it would almost be considered begging. (not trying to be mean)

A lot of people have showers after the baby is born, but personally .I would not want to do it. I wouldn't want to have my baby passed around or in a room with that many people so early on.

Dannzibelle

replied on June 2nd, 2007

Supporter

Baby showers arn't the norm over here so i'm not that well informed but if you don't like the idea of someone plannin gthe whole thing for you would it be ok if you planned it with someone and outlined what you really don't want etc?

kaerbear

replied on June 2nd, 2007

Most Diplomatic Poster

I'm pretty sure it's considered kinda tacky to have your own or for your family to have one because you're asking for people to bring you presents. That's why it's supposed to be held by someone outside your family, like your best friend, on your behalf. If they offer to do it then you can make some suggestions to the hostess which she can pass on by word of mouth if people ask what you would like to receive for presents or you can register somewhere for the things you need but you should never tell people what to buy for you (like in the invitations) because, again it's considered tacky and ungrateful. If they buy you something you don't need or you have already, it's acceptable to return it but you should still keep track of what everyone gets you and send them a thank you card mentioning the gift as soon as possible after the shower. This is just what I know about showers and how it's done around here. Maybe it's different in other places.

jessesgirl

replied on June 2nd, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

You can help someone plan it. I'm a planner and I like to have control when it comes to thinks like that especially if it's for me, so my mother hosted it, but I went out and bought the decorations I wanted and made the invitations I wanted and she mailed them and set up.
My friend's having hers after the baby's born, but I don't like that idea. Too many people touching the baby and you're sooo busy and exhausted I couldn't imagine that.

Bridget

replied on June 2nd, 2007

Especially eHealthy

the only way it would be acceptable to throw your own shower would be if you specifically said "no gifts" on the invitation. even then i'd still think it was weird that someone was throwing a shower for themselves.

audacia wrote:

usually the parent's take it into their own hands & plan a surprise shower

is that how it's done there? it's also considered "tacky" for a family member (especially mom) to throw it.

everyone knows that baby showers = gifts, for you or a family member to host is like just asking for presents.

why don't you try to help plan with the woman who offered?

jessesgirl

replied on June 2nd, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Over here it doesn't matter who throws it. It's automatic that you'll have a shower if you're getting married or having a baby. My mom threw both of my showers, wedding and baby. I would get together with that lady too.

vanessalouanne

replied on June 2nd, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

agreed have the lady host it but you can plan it...
Just have her name as the host and no one will no better.

My mom and sister threw mine.. In california it is not in anyway concidered tacky, and if i had friends who would judge like that i would tell them to F off.. Guess thats just me though.. People should just be supportive

ladylee70

replied on June 2nd, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

I lived in Arizona and wasn't near family or a lot of friends. I hinted to the very few friends I had about the whole baby shower thing and they ended up throwing me one. I paid for the food and extras and they had fun doing the planning. It worked out. I felt a little cheesy hinting but they were very happy to throw one - I hope.

I have never considered it tacky when a family member throws it. I have been to many baby showers where a family member throws it. I wonder if it's different depending on where you live???

arcadia

replied on June 2nd, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

my aunt's threw me one, & one of my best friend's threw me the other. my mom said it's really frowned upon to have your mom or sisters throw you a shower. so my aunt's did. i would never throw my own shower. i would feel like i was begging for attention too much.

Bridget

replied on June 2nd, 2007

Especially eHealthy

arcadia wrote:

that's what i've always heard too. i'm wondering if that's old-fashioned though...

michelle1981

replied on June 2nd, 2007

Supporter

I've never heard about that .krissy.

My mom planned both of mine Confused

Willa Weintraub

replied on June 4th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

IHeartMyBostonTerrier wrote:

everyone knows that baby showers = gifts, for you or a family member to host is like just asking for presents.

isn't it asking for presents anyhow?that what a shower is for right? I never heard of it being tacky for a mom or sister to throw a shower. . .

kaerbear

replied on June 4th, 2007

Most Diplomatic Poster

~*~Melissa~*~ wrote:

IHeartMyBostonTerrier wrote:

everyone knows that baby showers = gifts, for you or a family member to host is like just asking for presents.

isn't it asking for presents anyhow?that what a shower is for right? I never heard of it being tacky for a mom or sister to throw a shower. . .

It's just etiquette. Some people are concerned with etiquette and some aren't. i think maybe it would be less pressure on people if they are being asked by someone outside your family to participate in a shower. Some people just think it looks wrong to ask people for gifts for yourself or your family. Maybe it's because it makes your family look needy and presumptuous. It's a bit more acceptable if someone outside your family takes it upon themselves to arrange it and invite people.

Willa Weintraub

replied on June 5th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

kaerbear wrote:

~*~Melissa~*~ wrote:

IHeartMyBostonTerrier wrote:

everyone knows that baby showers = gifts, for you or a family member to host is like just asking for presents.

isn't it asking for presents anyhow?that what a shower is for right? I never heard of it being tacky for a mom or sister to throw a shower. . .

I understand that but its all the same to me! Laughing

musikmaker

replied on June 5th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

I had serveral wedding showers and they were either planned by my sisters or my mil. My sisters were my bridesmaids and my other bridesmaids were all in different states until the week of the wedding.

I think that my sisters are going to be throwing me a shower for .Luke but they said that they won't if my aunts decide to throw one. My sisters are better at it but my aunts love throwing them.

Because of my family's heritage my dad's side won't attend or throw a shower before the baby is born. So I think it is fine to throw one after the baby is born because that's all I have ever known!

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