Trouble In Paradise Again .. Posted: 05-31-07 07:26am
Hi,
I'm 18 years old and me and my girlfriend
are planning on getting married in a few
years.
I'll make this short as I don't have much
time.
She keeps thinking about babies.
constantly. it used to be worse in the
past as she WANTED babies but after
talking with her and explaining to her she
understands she's too young (19) and that
it would be cruel for the baby as well
seeing as we can't really provide him. but
she still keeps thinking about babies. now
it's not that it bothers me, it bothers
her. she keeps thinking about babies, or
our babies, and it's driving her insane.
she knows we can't have babies right now
but she can't stop thinking about them,
and it's making her mad at herself and she
keeps thinking it's not normal it's not
normal. I tried to get her to post here
herself, tell everyone how she feels but
she thinks everyone will just tell her
that there's plenty of time for the future
and that she should party now, to which
she keeps saying "I don't want to party, I
don't care about that bla bla" though I
know that when she grows older she'll
regret it.
whenever she has a problem I'm always
there for her and so far I've always
managed to help her and make her feel
better but this problem doesn't go away. I
tried explaining to her that it's normal,
especially considering her life, her mom
had a heart attack when she was 11 and was
bed ridden for a long and she had to take
care of her baby sisters so she
practically took care of babies for
years.
she keeps saying to herself it's not
normal and feels bad about it.
can anyone help me?
thanks in advance
BTW sorry if it's not the right forum.
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Ingi
Supporter
Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 8768 Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
Thanks: 161
Thanked:194
Posted: 05-31-07 08:14am
It is normal for teenaged women to want
children. She is not unique in wishing for
them ~ you are doing the right thing by
helping her see that it isn't a wise idea
for her to have one in this moment. It is
better to wait until you can provide for a
child. She has many years she can have
many children.
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AuDacia
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 172 Location: west virginia, united states
Posted: 05-31-07 08:46am
i'm 21 & currently 19-wk's pregnant.
all through my teens years i wanted a
baby, so bad. i was worse than most of my
girlfriends.
this pregnancy wasn't planned, obviously.
but i couldn't be happier nor could my
boyfriend. but i will say, we both feel
extreme anxiety over what's to come. now,
we're both older than your girlfriend, and
i will assume you, too. he'll be 22 by the
time our baby is born, and i'll be a month
shy of my 22nd birthday.
keep telling your girlfriend that she's
not ready, because even at this age, i
still feel too young for motherhood. it's
expensive to raise a child. and i would
suggest you two live together before
bringing a baby into the picture. my
boyfriend & i will be moving in
together a month or two before our child
arrives. we've been dating for over a
year, and know each other pretty well, but
living together is going to be a huge
adjustment for the both of us. throw a
third person into the picture & well,
let's not even think about it.
babies are a twenty-four-seven job. i have
3 younger siblings & remember them all
as babies. [i won't lie, even that didn't
turn my motherly desires off]. now that i
know i'm going to be in my mother's shoes
in 4-mo's, i'm scared.
also, make sure she understands what she's
going to have to give up. i got pregnant
one month after my 21st birthday. right
now, i'm missing out on going out! i'm
apparently "too pregnant" to do anything
fun. my sister, who is 19-yr's of age, is
my best friend & we used to do a whole
lot together. but not anymore. i'm always
too tired or moody. she tells me all the
time, "seeing you pregnant makes me not
want to have children." my body has
changed a lot. which i thought i was ready
for, but it's actually semi-depressing.
nothing fits right anymore.
i won't lie. bringing a child into the
world is amazing. and i love my unborn
daughter so much already. but a part of me
wants her to stay in my belly. right now,
i can sleep as much as i want. go out
places if i feel like it. i don't need to
find a baby-sitter or make sure i'm around
for breast-feeding. once she's outside of
my body, my life is going to be completely
different.
i wish i could talk to your girlfriend
& explain to her that she should enjoy
her younger years. i wanted a baby so bad,
and now i have her. i wouldn't give her up
for anything or anyone, but i kind of wish
i had waited or been more "safe" when it
came to sex.
good luck. and whatever you do, don't give
into her. you sound really responsible
& smart, very mature. i admire you for
your strength in telling her you two
should wait.
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kaerbear
Most Diplomatic Poster
Joined: 10 Apr 2007 Posts: 1557 Location: ,
Posted: 05-31-07 10:43am
It sounds like she knows the reasons why
she should wait but that she has an empty
space in her life that she is looking to
fill. That time of your life can be hard
because you are just becoming an adult and
looking at your future and trying to
figure out which way you're going to start
living it. Life isn't all about partying.
By the time I was that age I was kind of
over the whole partying thing. Education
and career are things that she can focus
on if she is looking for something to keep
her busy, but relationships and
spirituality are also very important. I
have had a strong desire to have a baby at
different times in my life, but I am so
glad that I waited until I was settled and
with a partner that is settled and old
enough to know what he wants in life.
Even still I get nervous sometimes about
being ready for this baby. It could be
just a phase with her and she will move
past it. I don't think you can do
anything for her except what you are
already doing, just listen to her and let
her talk to you about it, but don't get
pressured into doing anything you aren't
ready for. Good luck.
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sillyakchick
Supporter
Joined: 12 Apr 2007 Posts: 2690
Thanks: 5
Thanked:0
Posted: 05-31-07 10:53am
It might help her to sit down with you and
sketch out a ong term plan. This will
help her to seee concretely what she needs
to do to be ready for baby, and it will
not seem so far off. Also, it will help
her to stay on the ball, so to speak, so
that she can some day afford to provide
for baby. Good luck.
