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Q: I Cant Do This Anymore : boyfriend is mean to me
asked by: pumpkine0011 on May 30th, 2007
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Hi well I have tried being strong and all it did was cause me more pain. Let me start from the beginning of this pregnancy. Not the relationship because that owuld make this way too long. I am 6 months pregnant. Since the beginning of my pregnancy I have been through alot fo stress with my husband. He had wanted me to have an abortion but I said no of course I am totally against that. Anyways we have been struggling financially since day one because he is in major debt and has horrible credit. Then we couldnt get on any help with the governement for anything because we made too much. But we did split because he was being a jerk to me when I was three months pregnant. then I went back to him. Then when I was 18 weeks pregnant I went into preterm labor and he asked when I was getting out so he could go do something. It was 10 pm at night when I went home and he dropped me off and said he was oging to work. He works a 9-5 job by the way. And he didnt get home until 1 am. Then a few days later he was out of state on business and I went to hospital again and I tried calling him at 12 am his time and his boss had no idea where he was at, so his mom tried calling him an hour later and still his boss had no idea where he was. Then the next day I called him after psedning the enitre night awake in the hospital crying. I called him and asked him where he was and he said he was ata meeting. He is a computer tech for a small company, meeting my a@$. So I forgave. Veer since then he has been on the road alot, he oculd care less about what I say or do anymore. He has been so mean to me. I got put back in hospital 2 weeks ago and he was just evil telling the nurses I needed to go home cuz I needed ot clean. My job was threatening to fire me on top of that. Which my job is another huge stressor in my life but that isnt what I am talking about. Anyway he refuses to treat me like he loves me or show me any affection or help me at all around the house. Then this past weekend the worst thing happened. He attempted to rape me because I had an ifection so I couldnt have sex and so I was rubbing him and whatnot, then he said that he was going to rape me and he was serious. He starting ripping my clothes off and I was literally kicking and hitting and pleading with him to stop. He finally did but he had this look on his face I never want to see again that really scared me. I just feel so hopeless in my life because I have had so many horrible things happen to me in the past and it just keeps piling up. My husband has not ever really been that great to me. All I want for once in my life is to be happy and things to go fine. I am not suicidal or anything I am just left without hope for our future son that things will be as good as I had wanted the to be.
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dynamicdebz replied on May 30th, 2007
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
I'm not even going to suggest to try to make this relationship work because it is never going to happen. Get out while you've still got your sanity above anything else that you may have lost.
I think you know he isn't worthy of you or your future son. He isn't doing you any favours the way he treats you. It isn't helping your medical problems carrying the baby.
If you do your self one favour in your lifetime it is to get rid of him, you are worth so much more.
I am from UK so not 100% sure how much help is out there for you but I guess there is some sort of organisation that can help. This will lead you on to a road of inner wealth & sanity. There is someone waiting out there for you, who will love & care for you & not treat you in this dispicable way.
Don't even worry about him working late supposedly or any other strange excuse he gives you, while he is away he isn't abusing or attempting to rape you while pregnant. I think you know he is doing at these times.
Get out please for your own & baby's sake!
Let me know how you go on!
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Willa Weintraub replied on May 31st, 2007
Extremely EHEALTHy
Re: I Cant Do This Anymore
pumpkine0011 wrote:
Hi well I have tried being strong and all it did was cause me more pain. Let me start from the beginning of this pregnancy. Not the relationship because that owuld make this way too long. I am 6 months pregnant. Since the beginning of my pregnancy I have been through alot fo stress with my husband. He had wanted me to have an abortion but I said no of course I am totally against that. Anyways we have been struggling financially since day one because he is in major debt and has horrible credit. Then we couldnt get on any help with the governement for anything because we made too much. But we did split because he was being a jerk to me when I was three months pregnant. then I went back to him. Then when I was 18 weeks pregnant I went into preterm labor and he asked when I was getting out so he could go do something. It was 10 pm at night when I went home and he dropped me off and said he was oging to work. He works a 9-5 job by the way. And he didnt get home until 1 am. Then a few days later he was out of state on business and I went to hospital again and I tried calling him at 12 am his time and his boss had no idea where he was at, so his mom tried calling him an hour later and still his boss had no idea where he was. Then the next day I called him after psedning the enitre night awake in the hospital crying. I called him and asked him where he was and he said he was ata meeting. He is a computer tech for a small company, meeting my a@$. So I forgave. Veer since then he has been on the road alot, he oculd care less about what I say or do anymore. He has been so mean to me. I got put back in hospital 2 weeks ago and he was just evil telling the nurses I needed to go home cuz I needed ot clean. My job was threatening to fire me on top of that. Which my job is another huge stressor in my life but that isnt what I am talking about. Anyway he refuses to treat me like he loves me or show me any affection or help me at all around the house. Then this past weekend the worst thing happened. He attempted to rape me because I had an ifection so I couldnt have sex and so I was rubbing him and whatnot, then he said that he was going to rape me and he was serious. He starting ripping my clothes off and I was literally kicking and hitting and pleading with him to stop. He finally did but he had this look on his face I never want to see again that really scared me. I just feel so hopeless in my life because I have had so many horrible things happen to me in the past and it just keeps piling up. My husband has not ever really been that great to me. All I want for once in my life is to be happy and things to go fine. I am not suicidal or anything I am just left without hope for our future son that things will be as good as I had wanted the to be.
wow. . .hun, it sounds like he is resenting you and the child.if he didn't treat you well in the first place and now you are having a child together,it just made things worse.It sounds to me like he is lying a lot and has no respect for you what so ever.(In my opinion)I encourage you to get a divorce from this man and clooect child suport.Is there anywhere else you can go to get away from him?I'm afraid for you and your unborn child and what he might do.He acts very abusive towards you and you don't need that,ever! Please get some help. I am definetly here if you need to talk! I'm sorry your going through this sweetie.Btw,how old are you and your hubby?
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lil_blaze2004 replied on May 31st, 2007
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I know this is easier said than done, but you need to leave. Do you have family you can stay with? This is not the time for you to be going through this. He sounds like a complete *** and maybe you leaving will wake him up. He is getting violent with you, do you want that happening to your child?? You need to think of you and this baby now.
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sandyallen replied on May 31st, 2007
Extremely EHEALTHy
Please, get out of this situation! You do not need this! You do not deserve this type of treatment! He has no respect fo you or the baby that you will be bringing into this world! If you do not have family to go to then go to your human services department. Their is places you can go to nowadays that will help you! You do not have to take it. I am soor you ar going through this!
I was brought up to believe that you make your bed, you lay in it. I learned real fast that when those sheets get dirty that you have to change them and when they get real bad that you have to throw them away and get more. I have been there! I got kicked in the stomach at 5 and 1/2 months pregnant and lost the pregnancy and that was a big wake-up call for me. I left him and luckily ended up with 2 wonderful children that are now grown and are on there own and are doing great an I have a very wonderful husband!
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onmyway_0x replied on June 1st, 2007
Supporter
That is an absolutely awful situation.
Hun you need to get out.
I'm 36 weeks pregnant and fresh out of a pretty rough relationship myself, it's been a while since we were "together" but technically up until about 2 months ago we were still involved.
He was always rough with me but at 6 months, he actually put me in the hospital.
At that point it was like "this guy or my child".
The thought of going it alone is scary. The thought of staying with him was horrifying.
You will be ok. Your baby will be okay, you just need to get out.
I had a real hard time accepting that and am currently going to a pregnancy center ... and I go once a week and talk to one of the counsellors there. Having an unbiased opinion from someone is extremely important. You need to talk about it and you absolutely 100% need support to get out.
This isn't just some guy, it's your husband and the father of your child.. but you need to see what's best for you.
I see so many girls even friends of mine that are pregnant and their partners are complete fools. The girls wont get away because they dont want to be single moms... they look at me with pity... but in the end it is me who feels sorry for them.
You need to stop "wanting" things to be okay , and make them okay. Everybody has a past sweetie, it's the strong one's who actually move on from them that lead happy lives.
If you EVER need anyone to talk to pm me ... I have msn as well if you'd ever like to talk.
I'd really like to be here for you and you have my undivided attention and support.
Please take good care of yourself.
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sillyakchick replied on June 1st, 2007
Supporter
Where are you in CO? I will come get you. I am totally serious about this! This is awful, and you don't need it. I fear this will get worse and worse until ssomething really awful happens. There is a place right here in Fort Collins called SAVA house that you can stay at for free and get some help. Also, Crossroads safehouse can help you with everything you need right now while your'e pregnant.

Crossroads # (970) 482-3502

Help For Battered Women 970-493-2891

Battered Women's Hlepline (970) 356-4226 (Greeley)

Knights of Kindness 1(800)799-7233
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freetoBme replied on June 16th, 2007
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
first of all {{{HUGE HUGS}}}

I know that this is not an easy time for you especially being pregnant. I personally would not stay or go back into this kind of a relationship. The baby that you are carrying can feel your stress and it is not good for brain development.

I agree with others here that it sounds like your husband is resenting you and your baby, not to mention what he is doing is highly abusive. I would definatley mention this to your dr (as it will be documented and you can use it in legal proceedings if necessary). Also talk to any friends or family members who you know you can really trust. Also document his behaviour and incidents between the two of you and if he has physically, emotionally or psychologically abused you. I am concerned for your welfare at this time because you have already gone into pre term labour (which is also a sign of abuse in pregnant women). If you don't get out you run a high risk of miscarrying.

I also would recommend getting into counselling asap. Your dr can also provide you with a list of government funded programs for abuse counselling. If you do not have anywhere to go your dr can also give you a list of local resources to use. You need to think about you and your unborn child now and what is in his/hers best interest. An abusive environment is not what is in the best interest for any child nor is it for yourself.

If you plan on getting out make sure you are prepared to see a lawyer. Open up a bank account in your name only and do not tell your husband you have. Then start putting money into it (as much as you can) here and there. A few dollars here and there adds up. Have a small bag of clothes packed and stored at a friends or family members house. Try to go about your day normally so that your husband does not suspect anything. Last of all be careful. Separation is the most dangerous time for women. You will always need to be one step ahead of your husband. Trust me I was when I got out and I am thanking myself now.

Please take care and keep us all updated on how you are doing.
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dynamicdebz replied on June 16th, 2007
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Lets us know how you have been getting on Pumpkine...
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