I'm a 16 year old male that has left school for a coures in July and has ADHD. I've been feelign depressed for over 4 years now, when i was 12 - 13 i used to cut my self to punish myself for thinking i was a loser. I stopped that when my mum walked into my room and caught me. After that i was put on a anti depressent called fluoxide as i recall. I felt fine when i was on that during the day but not in the evening when it seemed to wear off. After 6 months my parents took me off it thinking i wasnt depressed. After all that time i still am. The reasons i think im depressed is because im so alone.. my friends never talk to me anymore where as they used to call me each day now if im lucky i will get a single text each year if i want to come over for fireworks (last year i stuffed it up and got sent home because i accidently set fire to a hill :'() i havent had a girl friend in over a year and even if i did get one i would not have the self esteem or confidence to tell her how i feel, even now i feel scared to write this incase i get put down, my parents say maybe 2 words to me a day "good morning" "good night" and I spend almost 24/7 on the computer trying not to think of who i am and why im so alone.
The only thing that keeps me going is that on my course i will make a friend or when im older i will be able to go to a bar and socialise.
I have thought of suicide many times but the closest i came to it is when i drank a full bottle of rum and 8 bottles of 5% beer and vommited several times in my sleep. The rest of the times i contemplate suicide i think im trying to get attention from my self by thinking it and it makes me feel even worse.
I dont want to tell my parents how i feel because it isnt how our family works my dad suffered from depression and it crushed my mum i dont want to put her through that again. I wish i had a friend that could support me though i dont. My only friend is 14 years old and still goes to my old school i think our friend ship will eventually fail.
I would like to go to a doctor and tell him how i feel so i can be subscribed to a medication but i dont have the confidence to do so in case my parents find out. If any body could please give me some advice on what to do i would appreciate it so much :'(
I think no matter how much you would hate it getting professional help and getting put back on medication is your best bet. Yeah your mom dealt with it through your dad but it will be worse for her if you dont get help. The sooner you get help the better it will be, Also you can talk to your dr about trying diff meds to find one that works for you it might take a while tofind the right one and right dosage but dont give up.
Can you tell your parents that you need to see your doctor? Don't tell them why unless they really get on you. Just stress that you aren't feeling well and really want to talk to your doctor. Alone. I do think you should sit down and talk with your parents and tell them that you want to go back on the medication that you were on; that you felt much better then. Parents really do want what's best for their kids. Sometimes they just don't know how to show it.