Addiction, Recovery Forum - Is My Boyfriend An Alcoholic ??

hi all.

This is my first time to write here.
I am from Japan, so please excuse my broken english!
I really need other people's opinion about my boyfriend's drinking habit.

I woke up miserable this morning, because of the last night.
My boyfriend came back from a bar at 3 am, didn't seem that drunk this time. but he said that he only got 3 glasses of whisky and a couple beer.

When I was making a bed, I said ' My stomach hurts...'
because of my period and probably too much eating at dinner.
It was not serious at all. I just said it without expecting anything from my boyfriend. He also knows I am having my period now.
Then, he became really wierd about it. he started telling me that I am hypocondoriac. also he was talking about Peter and the Wolf, and I will be like the boy if I don't stop talking about the pain... I was just looking at him thinking `what is he talking about?'

Actually, it is true that I have been suffering from a wierd unknown pain for more than 15 years.It seems to get worse when the weather is cold or I am stressed out. I think that is what he was talking about last night. but I didn't have the pain. I was just having a cramp!

It seemed like he just wanted to argue with me or just be mean to me.
It happens often when he comes back from drinking. when he is more drunk, he gets more mean, yelling at me and makes me cry. when I start crying, he doesn't care either. He repeats the same thing over and over again, too. that annoyes me sooo much, because I can't have a regular conversation with him. I get really stressed out. When it happens, I always tried to leave him alone, because that just makes me so stressed out and mad at him. It becomes my anger toward to him. but he doesn't let me go. he just keeps following me and saying mean things to me over and over again until I go crazy and he falls asleep.

This happens a couple times a month now. this month has been more.
Since he is really nice when he is sober, I forget about how he gets when he drinks. One time, he got really drunk and tried to drive his huge van. He was already hitting some parked cars, so I 'stole' the van key and ran. because it was too dangerous. but he got really mad at me and pushed me down really hard on the floor inside the van, and it hurted my shoulder pretty bad. A couple days later, I went to see a doctor, but my boyfriend didn't admit that it was from him pushing me down. He said that it must be one of my body pain..... I asked him to pay for the medical bill, but he didn't. Every time he gets drunk and mean to me, I remember about that worst night, and tell him about it. but then he tells me that I am the crazy one who overreacts and hangs on the past so much.... but who would be that tolerant to a person who makes the same mistake over and over again??

He has fought with couple guys when he was drunk and injured them pretty bad a couple times within 10 years. He was doing Kung-fu for many years, so he is really good. but that scares me. one time, I tried to stop him from hitting some guy, but I couldn't. His move is too fast and too scarely.

I 've been trying to tell him to stop drinking, but he doesn't want to. He doesn't think he is that bad. His father is alcoholic, too, but according to my boyfriend, it is because his father went to Vietnum War. but I recently found out that his grandfather was an alcoholic, too.

My boyfriend says that he doesn't wanna stop drinking because he wants to have fun with his friends. However, to me, he doesn't seem happy at all after drinking. He always gets angry about his friends, and become really mean to me. He doesn't become violent to me, but I have seen him fighting with guys outside a couple times. Seems like he is waiting for some excuse he can go crazy over it.

He is a 30 years old. His mother thinks he has ADD and I sometimes think that he may have ADD. He is really energetic and gets paranoid pretty often even when he is sober. seems like he is always worried that people around him try to take advantage from him or something. He is not really patient. He always tries to take what he wants, but he knows how to be polite. People like him. They like going out to drink with him, too. I think his friends are also big drinkers.

I am seriously thinking about leaving him if he will continuously be like this even though I have so much fun to be with him when he is sober. But before giving up everything, I want to try everything I could to help him. but the thing is that he doesn't think he need a help.

I would like to hear other people's opinions about my situation. Also, I would like to know how he can realize that he has a drinking problem.

Thank you very much for reading this long topic!