You can talk about it on this forum.. If you dont like what anyone says just ignore there post or pm me and I will take care of it... Im here if you need to talk

I'm having a really hard time due to the fact I recently had an abortion. I'm more than mature enough to look after a baby but I had no support and I spent a long time agonising about what to do. My partner had just split with me and moved abroad and when I told my parents their attitude was to push me away until I sorted the problem out. My mother has never been supportive and I thought this would be the one thing she could help me with as she had me in her teens. (i am much older)anyway she has disowned me from then until now and lets just say it's going to be a lonely xmas. I had nobody to help me and was being told by everyone that I wouldn't manage on my own. I went for the termination at 8 weeks but ran out crying. My ex who I kept in contact with kept telling me he didn't want a baby and wouldn't be around to help so eventually I went through with the termination. That was a month ago. Since then I have cried for my baby every day, tried to take my own life and sunk into a deep depression, I feel sad, angry,confused and lonely. My ex is the only one who has actually managed to get me through this along with a few friends. He has visited and called but still my parents have stayed silent although they know from a relative all the feelings of guilt I have. My eating disorder has came back so I hardly eat. I have nightmares about dead babies. I get some professional help every few weeks which helps a little but opens so many wounds up that I cry for days afterwards. I desperately want my baby back and fear that because I am older I will not have the chance again. I hate myself and have no confidence left. Every day just seems harder and I would like normality back but I would also like my baby back or even a baby.I didnt think I wanted children until now. I wish I had had more support. I think I knew when I was pregnant that I wanted the baby. I had made provisions for it and looked into childcare and even had names for it but the poor child didn't get any chances. I look at children now and just want to say to their parents that they are so lucky to have them. I don't want this to upset anyone who is thinking about a termination as many people feel relieved afterwards and I cannot lie for the first couple of hours I did have a sense of relief. Everyone's situation is different and nobody really knows how they are going to feel afterwards. I just feel i'd like to turn back the clock & get my baby back. I know thats not going to happen but I feel like i'm such a bad mother for not giving that baby a life and all I want now is to be a mother. All around you, you see people with children or celebrities in magazines with bumps and I think, they would have been due the same time as me. I actually sat in the dark 2 days after the termination as I couldnt face watching the tv or reading a magazinr or going out incase I saw babies. I'm over that now but the depression and sadness and anger towards the woman who gave birth to me is not lifting,neither is the guilt,depression,self loathing. Just don't know how to get through it all, I always said life is too short for regrets but this is one that I can't pretend not to have a regret about. Life is just completely unbearable.

I am so sorry that you feel that you feel that you did not have the support that you thought you would have, with the way you were feeling, you might not have been able to carry it to full term anyway, at least now you know that their are choices out there, you need to stop blaming yourself, it is not your fault! We must move on! I am sure thre will be other chances, it is not the end of the world! We all want things or people back but we know it cannot happen and they would want you to move on with your life and be happy. You might want to change psych's, it does not sound like that one is helping you much, you might look into e.M.D.R. As that helps a lot of people with loss, phobias and problems in the past and allows you to help release things and it is done by a psychologist, who does not give you a bunch of pills and I am not saying anything against a psychiatrist. Like you did say, you did feel some relief when it was over.
Please take care!

I'm sorry that you have to feel this way and that no one is there for you or has been there for you. It is very difficult for some people to handle, and I have been to all types of doc/psych's and etc. I have yet to get over what went on with me, and now that I do have children it is sometimes even harder to cope with. Some parents just dont understand, or they where never shown love and attention and it is difficult for them to do so. So maybe not an excuse, but maybe that is how your parents are. The nightmares I had for awhile, and when I was pregnant they came back even worse, but it did get better as time passed. As I was always told and I believe this so I am going to tell you. (time heals all wounds). You will be okay and time will help you through all your sorrows. If you ever need anyone to talk to I am here for you!

Thank you so much, those are really comforting words and it helps me to talk to people. I keep saying to myself, what doesn't kill you,makes you stronger, it's what keeps me going I guess..Today I feel more positive but it's good days and bad days, more bad than good but I hope this changes.
Please just keep everything crossed that my little one is safe and that I will have lots more babies in the future...
Reading your messages and hearing that there are chances again makes me hopeful and next time everyone else including my parents can keep away if they want to as I won't be taking any interest in their nasty comments or put downs. My mother is 50 and old enough to know better as far as i'm concerned. I can't forgive her.

Well im glad that you are feeling better.. And as I said before I am here if you need to talk..

I called my mother last night...I got drunk and phoned to ask her why she ignored me for a month and why she wouldn't help me with the baby..I told her about the times I tried to end it all and the fact that I regretted the termination. I asked her why she wouldn't ever supprt me, why when I had never asked her for a thing in life & the one thing I ask for genuine help for she pushed me away, why she couldn't be a mother at the time I needed her most and why she didn't even try and see it from my point of view..She told me that I shouldn't have gotten pregnant and she stuck by the fact that I had almost ruined my ex boyfriend's life when she didn't even know him. She told me I was a disgrace and that she never wanted to see or hear from me again..Can't believe it she is just a horrible evil woman with no heart and now I have no mother and no baby. I just hate her.

Well I dont know you personally and you dont know me either, but you have me.. I'm here if you need to talk or vent. I think that you are a great person. Some people just cant see behind blindness, and you weren't going to ruin anyone's life. Your x or whatever you call him choose to have sex with you so he was taking chances just like anyone else, but enough of them lets talk about you. What you did was what you thought was the best thing at the time. Dont redicule yourself for that.. You will be able to have children in the future as far as I can see but im no doc. And maybe by that time you will be ready and the person that you are with will love the both of you.. I wouldnt worry about anyone else, and smuthering your hurt and pain in alcohol isnt going to help you either.. You neddd to talk to people to get over the hurt and pain that you are feeling.. And it seems like to me it is more than just the abortion that is hurting you.. Good luck hun im here for you

tazzyd

I am very sorry that you felt you had to get drunk to talk to your mom an that she responded like she did. Most of us are here for you if you need someone. You might check out mental health and let them know that your mother has turned her back on you and that you need a little help getting your life back on track, aand explain the situation to them, please do not take me wrong, I am not saying you are crazy but we all need a little help sometime. I know that I would never turn my back on my kids even though they are grown and on their own, they still know they could come to me in times of need.
E.M.D.R. Helped me thru some negative times in my life, you might look into it.
Good luck! Remember that we are here for you!

Thanks for all the kind remarks. Sometimes I feel like i'm going mad cos I just don't know how to get out of this mess that i'm in. I thought that my mum would maybe have calmed down after a month but no she is 10 times worse and now has my father and sister calling and texting me telling me that i'm the one that got the termination, it's my fault which makes it all so much worse.
I'm gonna speak to some of these people that was suggested and see if I can get back on track.Thanks for all your help...

Your welcome.. And agian if you ever need to talk or just vent we are right here for you!!

I am truly sorry that you are going through this. I can imagine how terrible you must feel. I truly feel for you and despite my pro-life stance, I feel for you because you have feelings in regards to your abortion. You are not a bad person. You are going through a bad time rather. I think your mother is a coward and in all reality, she is not a mother because if she were, she would never turn her back on you. In reality, let it be known, she is actually the one she sees as a disgrace, not you. She is unhappy with herself. Something is probably eating at her to make her turn her back against her own daughter. In reality, what she is doing to you is no better than having an abortion. I wish she knew that, for your sake. Move on dear. I'm not stupid, I know that cannot be easy. Mothers were made because we as children need them. But they were not made to be like yours. I'm not trying to disrespect your mother so forgive me, I just think that you cannot go through the hardest time of your life with support from your mom. I see that as more of a tragedy than your abortion.
Please seek help and be strong. You will survive. Try to refrain from getting drunk and calling your mom as it will only cause you more pain. If she has any sense whatsoever, she will realize her ways and come to you one day. But don't dwell on that thought please. Live your own life as it is worth living. God bless and take care of yourself.
Pm me if you need to talk.

Jamie

Have a nice day.....

I have been thinking of you! Hope things are going okay for you!
The very best to you and yours!

Hi,

i myself did not have an abortion, but, my youngest daughter did. It was not easy for her, but, I gave her all the support she needed. She did very well and we have never talked about it since. She now has a beautiful girl and is very happy. Don't think about the past. It's over and can't be changed. Look to the future. For whatever reason, it was meant to happen. All things in life are planned for a reason that only god knows. Believe me. Please do not blame yourself and get on with your life. This may have been a blessing in disguise.

now that is some good support!

I very much agree!

Why has the topic "i eat aborted fetuses" not been removed yet? It is an eyesore and, quite frankly, insulting.