Having high standards in the world today is a good thing. You don't want to settle down with someone that is going to ruin what you have strived so hard to earn. You don't want someone that is going to take advantage of your success or take your success away. Don't worry so much about finding Mr. Right he is out there and more than likely he will find you. In your line of work or while you finish school you never know he may just find you. You have the right to be choosey that is a good quality, to many women get reeled in to a relationship with the man's false charms then the real man comes out after a commitment is made making it harder to leave. (specially after you have kids) Know in your heart that a man is right, don't rush and the right one will come along. The less you stress about it I am sure that it will happen when you least expect it.

Good luck
Heather

i'm getting married now at 34 for the first time so i understand what is like to be single at your age. I think at your age i still wasn't clear at what love is. I was exactly like you. The time passed by and I continue to learn. It helped having different failing relationships to get the message. I can tell you first there is no mr. perfect. You will end up very lonely if that's what you are looking for. And unless you marry a clone of yourself there will be degrees of incompatibility between you and your partner. And there is more than one person you can marry out there. You just decide to love one. My fiance can tell you of a beatiful intelligent gal he knew that is now old maid because she never found a guy that meet her high standards. Not that you are gonna lower the bar of perfection but you have to find a balanced guy. Personally as I continued into my 30's I learned to appreciate qualities in a man I didn't used to before. Like conflict resolution, comphehension, generosity. My taste definetly changed from what it was when i was 25. So like the other say don't rush it but don't sit and do nothing neither. I dated a lot from online dating and i found there my fiance and we are going to get married in october. Good luck!

P.s: To understand men thoughts well it helped me a lot the book "why men marry health forum" by sheryl argov. I recomed to you.

"I go for the wrong guys and the right guys just don't do it for me."

When people say "I always go for the wrong type" what they're usually saying is "I'm not attracted to the kind of people I feel a social or personal obligation to be attracted to." What makes a guy wrong vs. right in your opinion? Maybe it's not a matter of right vs. wrong, maybe it's more a matter of your expectations for yourself (or the expectations others put on you.)

Having a set of standards is extremely important, but you may be limiting yourself if your standards are too harsh. Sometimes you need to examine exactly why you value and are attracted to the kinds of qualities that you do and are. That doesn't mean you should lower your standards in any way, just that you should try to look at them objectively. I still sometimes have to consciously put aside ideals that I held when I was eighteen because even though emotionally they're deeply ingrained, rationally I know they just aren't realistic.

You say that you're shooting for someone exceptional because, to paraphrase, you think you deserve it. On one hand, sure. No one wants to be dating someone who's going to drag them down or make them miserable. On the other hand, though, be careful that you aren't approaching potential guys as just a set of qualities you like or dislike, checklist in hand. Sometimes you need to overlook the flaws (or the virtues, for that matter) and just try to see a person as they really are. If you have all sorts of expectations right off the bat, a guy is going to feel a lot of undue pressure, and you don't want that hanging over the start of a romantic relationship.

And maybe it's just a simple matter of your busy lifestyle not permitting it. When I was in university and working fulltime and trying to maintain some kind of social life, none of my relationships worked out because I just didn't have the time to commit to them and make them a priority. You have career demands during the week, grad school on the weekends, homework in the evenings... that's a pretty full plate. If we're being honest about it, a relationship should make you happy and alleviate loneliness and give you some sense of purpose, but it's also something you have to have the time and energy to put into. Sometimes it can be a real pain in the ass.

Anyway, this is my advice, meagre as it is: try to relax and enjoy yourself rather than focusing on finding your soulmate. Examine your standards and determine whether they really are as realistic as you'd like them to be. Determine whether or not a relationship is even the right thing for you at this stage in your life, considering how busy you are. And don't be too hard on yourself if a relationship doesn't work out. It happens to everyone.

I can understand and completely relate to what you are saying. I spend most of my day at the office, and don't really the time or the energy to go out and meet people.

It is really not easy to find a companion, and I imagine that it may be even more difficult to do so as an attractive woman (considering the amount of mixed attention this probably generates).

A conclusion that I have come to is that there is no "type" of person. If I am going for a type, i'm going to get a type, and not a person. We really need to judge a person by who they are, rather than by the social category they fall into. There are some quite incredible people out there who may have not reached their full potential, but may display the characteristics you are looking for in other ways.

There are also quite a vast number of people who seemingly have it together on the outside, but are a complete trainwreck waiting to happen emotionally.

Honestly, I'm not sure that it's possible to get dressed up, go out hunting, and automagically find your other half at a bar or a club. I'm not saying that it doesn't happen, but as a society we're taught that it is something that you make happen, rather than something that we are to be prepared for.

Quite often, I have met remarkable people at moments where I least expect it. It usually ends up to be the case that either I am ready to accept them or not. When I am grounded, when I have dealt with my problems in life, all of the sudden beautiful, intelligent, and warm hearted people emerge from the woodwork.

Clean your plate.
Be honest with yourself.
Judge with your heart.

And wish me the same. lol

Ladybug, I've been in your shoes. All I wanted was "the one", but it seems like quality is really lacking now-a-days. I dated a lot with no successful outcome. I became lonely and tried to fill the void by dating more, and more, and more... It started getting out of control! I think your best bet is to let love find you. I'm not suggesting that you can't help fate along, but I'd stay away from pick up places and be very skeptical of anyone off the internet. The internet has made many of love connections, but it's also been a tool to players, predators, and weirdos. I'd suggest getting out and getting involved in activities, functions, and causes that you're interested in. In this kind of setting, you're more likely to find someone with the same interests and values as you. Unlike a lot of people at bars or on the internet, the guys you'll meet aren't just looking to "hook up".

Stay away from the bad boys. You may find them fun and exciting, but they never work out. They'll either wind up hurting you or dragging you down. Find yourself the right guy. When he has all the qualities you're looking for, he'll make you happy and you'll know he's "the one". You may have dated some good guys, but if you weren't feeling it, they weren't the right guy.

Best of luck to you!

I have to disagree with this person because I met my fiance online. And I have to say that I met a lot of wonderful men online, real good guys looking for true love so I recomend the internet to everyone in the love search. Getting involved in activies didn't worked for me. Particulary at my age where everybody is married. But online you are at the comfort of your home taking a look at the people who are single like you who are looking. It's great. You only just need to follow universal safety rules.
Really should I didn't tried online dating I wouldn't be planning my beautiful wedding! Getting married next month wohoo! Oh and you know that tailor that is fixing my wedding dress also met her husband online!

Afetr a failed marraige, 2 kids and a ton of misfortunes, i met a really nice guy. He was confident and strong minded, he had his stuff neatly in a bag. We talked a lot and he learned so much about me. I explained to him that i was an enabler and that i was always looking for someone to "fix" which is bad. Seemed like everyone i met needed something. This didn't seem to bother him as he kept coming around abd calling. After a while he started to do sweet little things for me, something that i wasn't used to. I liked it. He liked my kids, he met my parents, i met his parents and his boss at his job. It looked like it was turning into something quite nice. Then one night, I BLEW IT. He picked me up as usual. We went to dinner then to a club for cocktails. We laughed and danced and had a wonderful time. As we sat at the bar talking he said that he was very interested and attracted to me and asked me how i felt. Mind you, i was half in the bag by this time, aaargh! I told him that after all i had been through, all the headaches i had to deal with, all the times of pulling someones rear out of a jam, i blurted out that, YA KNOW MARK, AFTHER EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE DONE FOR PEOPLE I WANT SOMEONE TO KISS MY ASS.
Screech!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I heard the breaks slam on in his head. Looking at the expression on his face i knew that i'd said something wrong, really wrong. In my akward attemt to try to clean up the mess i just made, i tried to explain that i wanted to be fawned over and pampered, ya know just a little. Well, needeless to say, he never called again. I was crushed. After he asked me how i felt about him and telling me that he was really interested and attracted to me, i now know that the committment issue was coming. I think we were gonna become exclusive. BOOM, all gone, with a stupid ignorant remark like i made.
Don't ever think you too good for someone. I got knocked off my pedistal.

I've had enough of women pretending to love you just to get your money, sex, or whatever else they need at the time. A sure sign a woman's lieing is when she starts the sentence off with "I LOVE", anything she says beyond that point can't be trusted. Personally, I think what makes most Gay Relationships work so well is the fact that most aren't in it for the Sex, they're in it because they actually CARE FOR the person they are seeing. It's a concept that I've yet to see a woman be able to grasp. Matter of fact, most women will break up a relationship the moment you so much as mention that your not interested in having sex with them.

seriously?? wow....i guess i had us women all figured out lol but it sounds like you havent met a woman thats sensitive.

'Matter of fact, most women will break up a relationship the moment you so much as mention that your not interested in having sex with them.'

Care to eludicate, johng?

I had to take a moment trying to discover what "Eludicate" means, failing to find anything other than it being used in a sentance on some slang-dictionary site, and some website named eludicate.com or something....

I don't think I can "elaborate" any on the subject, it seems to be quite to the point. You date a girl a few weeks, then the subject of marriage comes up, you explain to her that you read its best not to have sex on your honey moon, but instead wait a few weeks after marriage or longer, next thing you know, she doesn't think things are working out between you and her. You date another woman. You explain the last relationship you was in broke up when you mentioned you didn't plan on having sex on the honey moon night and expected to wait a few months before h aving sex.... That woman decides to break up with you.... Etc. Continuing onward as relationships seem to end quicker and quicker.... No worrying with hurting her feelings, once she finds out she won't get sex even on her honey moon night, she'll quickly loose "Love" with you....

How interesting! Can you explain why you don't want to have sex onyour honeymoon?

It has been said that the wedding night is the worst time for a couple to have sex for the first time is on their wedding night, because each partner is nervous to begin with and both will likely be afraid of not living up to the other's expectations, combined with other issues that will have both individuals naturally nervous makes for a really bad time for a couple to have sex.

Combine this with the fact that some people as hard to believe for some are just not that fixated with "Sex".

I guess beyond that from what I've personally seen when a woman is having an orgasim, she is actually quite gross! Nothing Sexxy about it!

I think a physical aspect of a relationship is important, however I would never consider doing the physical part unless I deeply cared for my man. And being that I cared for him so much I would never rush him into something, just as I would expect him not to rush me.

You know, the first time having sex doesn't need to be a horror story. This is a wonderful place to learn about how to make your first time as positive memory as possible-- even on your wedding night. I seem to recall a few posters asking for advice in the women's sexual health and I myself have benefited from it. Just a thought.

John, just curious, but why does marriage become a topic after a few weeks of dating? I'm not trying to be a wench or anything, its just I get uncomfortable even when my bf and I talk about the future and we've been together for a long time now. I know it's like that for my sister and she's been dating the same guy for almost 5 years! How does that topic even come up so fast?

Granted, It'd be about the same way with me, weather I like it or not, I'd end up having sex with someone because I loved them. From the experience I've had with women, I'd have to say if I ended up having a Honey Moon, my only thoughts would be that the rest of my life I'll be doomed with having to listen to someone I'll never be able to please and will only be out to get all that she can get from me. Once I go broke, she'll likely file divorce and attempt to get more money out of me.... Sad thing is the girl who probably made me the happiest (when she tried at least) also constantly told me how bad of a person I was constantly. I ended up breaking up with her when she acted as if I didn't even exist and refused to say anything to me.... This is the same girl that rushed me into calling her my "Fiance' " .... My most recent girlfriend started dating when she was pregnate, broke up with me just after her child was born. 2 Years later she wanted to date again.... At the time, I agreed at first not because I loved her, but because I was tired of my friends thinking I needed to meet someon and figured it'd be a great way to avoid people trying to set me up with single girls in the church.... I figured o.k. the last time we dated, it didn't last long, most likely all I have to do is go to the park with her and eat dinner a few times at a resturaunt every so often, and otherwise just be her friend... O.k. I can handle t hat.... 2-3 months later, she just realized that she loved me ... (I was a little puzzled why she just realized this after dating me off and on for at least a year......) But we went on another date and the next day she called to break up with me.... She still refuses to tell my Boss (her friend and mine) why she broke up with me.... We're kinda guessing that despite the fact that she hasn't told us anything, she might have gotten pregnate by tghe same guy who got her pregnate for the first baby. If so, we'll end up knowing something by August or so... Funny how for the most part though, she hardly ever comes into the store and doesn't want to talk to me too often. Every so often she'll call me up and get on a spell where she'll try to talk to me for a week or two, then kinda vanishes again....



1> Most of the "Tips" for "first time" seem to be geared for women.
2> Especially after one experience I had with a girl, where we sorta was going to have sex but more less everything went wrong.... I'd expect after that the thought alone of what is likely to happen would make things un-comfortable. Combine that with what I know about my Body and all would most likely have me worried more about being able to please her.... And incidently, if she was to over-exxaderate her feeling of pleasure, or even just showing what she's feeling at the time, my concern for her would be more worried that she's feeling pain and not pleasure and likewise want to stop. Either way, there'd be a great chance that I'd never actually reach orgasim and would just end up making myself all sweaty before bed, with a 50/50 chance of her getting any pleasure off of it, so what's the point?


This I'd kinda like to know....Unfortiantly, it seems to be something women are interested in knowing in a guy right off the bat..... What kind of husband he'll be.... If we got married, how would you want the bedroom decerated, what would you want to do with ____, etc.... For some reason women seem to allways bring up marriage within the first 4-5 dates.... I don't know, maybe they're trying to scare me off, or maybe they're wanting to know if I am looking for a long-term relationship..... All I know is the longer and longer I date them, the longer I discover issues they've been lieing about. An assistant pastor once said that dating is somewhat about lieing.... We don't want the person we're dating to know our bad points and we try to over-emphasizer the good points in an effort to appear more attractive.... I even tried on a couple of girls to try and over-emphasize every bad-point I could think of, in hopes that they'd break up with me sooner if they realized all my faults from the beginning.... Doesn't seem to work though... I don't know, no matter what they say, I've yet to find a woman who can be honest with me, despite the fact that they say they're being honest with me.... It all ends up showing up sooner or later.... Ya catch them in a lie eventually and they explain they didn't want to hurt your feelings so they told you a lie or something.... Help me be a better person, tell me why I'm the skum of the earth....

No no, I disagree with you there. When I said there were posters I mean men and women a like. Personally I feel education will get a women through an excellent first time but who knows. I suppose my boyfriend had uh... troubles our first time and he wasn't even a virgin. He was nervous, and I didn't mind. I think that any problems that would occur is because you'd be too nervous about. Thing like that can be solved by talking about sex before hand and getting really comfortable with foreplay. Sex mostlikely wouldn't be painful if you followed the directions from some of the women here and ask a few questions in Men chat or sexual health for your side if you're worried.




I suppose thats pretty true, not so much because of lying though. I usually try to be on my best behavior when I meet someone I'm interested in. It's the same for men. I don't think the way to contradict that would be to get your faults all out first. It's like your applying for a job (As you can tell, I'm such a romantic ). When you are having your interview you're not going to say your faults and you certainly don't write them in your resume. You'll focus on your strengths and get the job. Obviously when you get the job your employer is going to notice that you aren't 100% effort and maybe you have troubles getting in on time. But they also see all of your strengths. Loving someone is just continuing to care deeply for someone despite their faults. I'm riddled with faults, and they have gotten me into trouble multiple times, but my boyfriend stuck with it because he loves ME and he doesn't focus on the negatives.
I think that you're finding some very strange women. When I speak of my future with my boyfriend I'm very careful about it and rarely talk about marriage. I think its stressful. When my boyfriend brings up the future I keep it short and all my answers are pretty general.




I don't think you're the scum of the earth. You just haven't met the woman who makes you feel passionate about a future yet. You have to keep your mind open, this is reality not some fairy tale. Nobody is perfect you know? I'm not saying that you should settle for someone, but don't get turned of when you catch her in a silly lie or when you find out that she has some faults. You are not the scum of the earth.

Actually, the particular situation with me, it was like 75% of her constantly telling me that she considers her "Boyfriend" who she never met before but only receives e-mails from him and once talked on the phone with him, yet never met him in person.... the one she wanted to spend her life with..... Sorry, when she first opened her mouth about him, it just wrecked any mood we had.... Beyond that she was very large, and I'm over-weight. Finding a position that worked for us, combined with trying to maintain an errection with her constant talking about another man lead me to pretty much just give-up!



Some times and sometimes not, depending on the situation. Eg. right now, I have a job that brings in money every week. If attempt to better myself, I'm not going to pretend to the employer that I'm Herculees and will be capable of lifting up an 18-wheeler while he takes his time changing a tire.... Likewise, I'm not interested in falling in love with a girl who will only break my heart because she can't get along with some minor annoyance of mine.... Likewise, I'd rather a girl be honest with me and let me know she's an alcoholic, or rude to people as that's 2 things I refuse to put up with in a girlfriend. I've had a girlfriend that failed to mention it and later discovered she couldn't stay out of the bars, nor could she keep her off of every guy in the building. Granted, that one I should have known, because we dated once before and that was her problem when she broke up with me. This time her problem was that she didn't like it when I said either she quits going to the bars by herself or we break up.... One of the main reasons I had against her going to the bar by herself is that every time she went, she'd call me up and tell me she had "Too much to drink and was driving her self home. My profession deals with selling alcohol responsibly to individuals, and my Dad was an alcoholic, so was his dad and all his brothers. I was abused big-time due to his violent temper and later occasional tendacy to go out and get drunk with his co-workers. There is no way in hell I'm going to get into a relationship with someone who seems to be doing the same thing that caused so many problems in my family when I was growing up. Sad thing is she had a young daughter and she thinks she's being a "Good Mother" by being a role modal for her like this...




Really, it is pointless to even discuss the future, because no one knows the future, or if there even will be a future. Weather your religious or not in this day and age, there's allways the risk that another country will start a nuclear war, and likewise our government will likely release all their nuclear weapons, etc. and next thing you know there's no one left on the planet to even think of re-populating it. If for some reason you believe nuclear weapons no longer exist..... Then what's to stop you from believing a meteor or something from outer space couldn't hit the planet and destroy it? What happens if the earth gets out of its orbit and starts spinning towards the sun? Nobody is guaranteed they will have a future, only a past and a present. Since everybody has a past and can't change it, I don't ever hold anyone to their past, only to their present. Nor do let promises of their future hold much weight.



The saddest thing is, as I look back, the only girl who ever made me feel like I really wanted to be with her for the rest of my life, and that I wasn't "Settling" was the same girl who I broke up with because she was constantly telling me how bad of a person I was. I don't know if its because she had a lot of traits in common with my dad, or if its like a guy doing a lecture once said. Perhaps it was just lust, even though the most lusting we did was a couple of really incredible kisses.... When she tried and was really and truely "Loving Me", she had a very powerful kiss.... Then when she kissed me only to later tell me ho I was a low-life because I didn't have a high-paying job working off-shore, seeing her only 1 week every couple of months or so and letting her see whoever the rest of the month.... When she wasn't "Loving Me", the kiss was not near as good as that which you would expect to get from a Black Lab dog. That one, before I broke up, she called me 3 weekends in a row to tell me that she slept with another man.... I told her I forgave her but begged her to quit trying my pasience.... One of the men she claimed to have slept with was her ex-husband who she supposedly got a divorce from because he was BEATING ON HER..... Perhaps the reason I didn't break up with her sooner is she kept telling me she wanted to kill herself.... Finally I had to take the advice of some of my friends and realize if she was suicidal, she'd killed herself by that point.... After we broke up, she e-mailed me to let me know that she found a "Real Man", one that treats her like a "Woman".... Then 2 weeks later she e-mailed me needing a friend to talk to, because he kicked her out of his house and sent her home to her mama.... Unfortiantly, I couldn't call her up.... She allready hurt me way too much to open myself up to more abuse!