I've spent the last 10 years trying to have friends, but they always get pushed away by myself, or circumstance. I could write in detail, but I'm too tired. Instead I'll say that I'm tired of feeling and being attached. I'm so tired of being let down or losing things I love. There's no way out of this unbearable emptiness other than to lose the capability to feel. It's too bad that I can't simply eliminate the bad, but that seems impossible, as caring always leads to vulnerability.

I only wanted a friend who wouldn't leave. But how can I have that, when I become paranoid to a nearly unbearable level about every little thing?

I'm so tired, tired like an elderly man, though I am only 19. Thinking of old age, with this, is a nightmare. How tired will I be then?

I can't feel happiness if I let myself feel, so I'll just stop feeling at all.