Pregnancy Community Chat Forum - Make Me Feel Like Poo ...

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Q: Make Me Feel Like Poo ...

asked by: ladylee70 on May 25th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Sorry, I must drag you through the first paragraph for you to understand why I feel like POO!!

I just went on another forum and asked a question about whether or not to take a two day a week position that doesn't pay as well as a three day a week position. The two day a week position would be less stress but also less money than the three day a week position. I asked, "If offered both, what would you do??" I said that with the three day a week position, I would make a lot more money and paying daycare for that extra day wouldn't be a big deal. Yet, it is more time away from my kids. I stated that I am a professional and will have money to pay the daycare and pay certain bills. My working will keep us from getting in the hole and help us get out of our current debt hole. For me not to work full time is a huge sacrifice. We moved to a different state for goodness sakes so I don't have to work full time. I also mentioned that we are extremely frugal. We are buying a house that is almost the same amount as rent but it's a good house, we own two really old cars...etc. We don't live above our means at all!! In fact, I am the most frugal person I know....with the exception of my husbands parents.

I thought for sure some would say, "Congrats on only having to work part time." Instead I felt criticized for even thinking about working at all!! They said there is no way I can pay daycare while working only part time. Do they know my salary or even career field??? I only asked them a question about two or three days a week. I was made to feel like I have been a bad parent because I worked with Nathan. Did I even have a choice at that time...no! We all have very unique circumstances.

I am so ticked off right now.

We have made such huge sacrifices so I don't have to work full time. To get criticized like that just ticks me off. It sounds like a lot of us have had bad experiences on other forums!! I should have just wrote a long email to all of you and had your advice or opinion. Some people may have responded the same way, but I know I would have had different opinions. I wouldn't have had just five or six people repeating themselves and saying the same thing as if they are in a cult or something. GRRRRR.....

I feel like such poo right now! I guess I am a horrible parent for going back to work part time. I would have been the devil if I wrote the same post almost four years ago stating I had to work full time after I had my baby, Nathan. That probably would have made me go into post partum depression!!

Replies(13)

HcoBrunette06

replied on May 25th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

you are not a bad parent at all, woman and you know it!

theyre just people off of the internet, and they don't sound like very accepting ones either, very judgemental. you can write to us and ask our opinions about anything, we're here and we'll be honest but not rude about it!!

i will say congrats on the house and only having to work part time, you deserve a pat on the back for moving and then moving again and finding a house and finding somewhere to work, all while being pregnant and having a child to care for who is having problems himself! youre a great mommy and they don't know what they're talking about.

in my opinion i think you should do whichever one will make you happiest. 3 days a week isn't really that much to me at least, but then again I don't have children to care for so you might feel differently. i would probably take the 3rd day because i like money Laughing

but go with whatever you feel is right!

ladylee70

replied on May 25th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

I love ya!! You always know how to make a person feel great. I still can't believe your age. You really are mature beyond your years.

I am so thankful for this forum. Even if something is said that maybe a bit rude, it's not like everyone shares the same opinion. In some other forums, it's almost as if people are too like-minded. That drives me crazy!

Mommy35

replied on May 25th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Yeah, I agree with .Terra! You need to do what you feel is right and what you can manage.

Kia

replied on May 25th, 2007

Supporter

If you are "getting by" on your current income and this part time work would be a "bonus" or a "financial safety zone" - ie that bit extra to help things along...

then I would say which job would you prefer?
I personally wouldn't take the 3 day job, if it was a job I hated, if the money wasn't essential.
If it was essential then I may take it temporarily.

I get the impression that in the current situation the money isn't essential - but would be nice.

so I'd go for the job I liked best. If you prefer the 3 day job - then go for it.
If you prefer the 2 day job choose that one.

What other benefits does each job have?
such as flexi-time?
better working conditions?
less travelling distance to/from?

kaerbear

replied on May 25th, 2007

Most Diplomatic Poster

It sounds to me like maybe you already know what to do and have thought it out and made a sound decision but you wanted some reassurance. Well, only you know what's best for you, like you said. I'm sure what those people said on that other forum isn't going to make you change how you live your life. I guess that's just part of being a grown woman with her own thoughts and opinions and responsibilities, not everyone is going to agree with them all the time. I have a hard time when people criticize or even sometimes just comment on how I run my life or my houselhold, but you have to keep things in perspective and think about who really knows you and who is just spouting off some words on a forum. You'll likely never even meet them face to face. I personally think a couple days a week out of your house is a great idea and a good compromise between working and being a stay at home mom. It's nice that the women in generations before us fought for the right to work and be mothers but it seems like women will always have to defend the choices they make.

michelle1981

replied on May 25th, 2007

Supporter

Sounds like jealousy to me!

mamaTT

replied on May 25th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Well, if working 2-3 days a week makes you a bad mother; I am going to be the worst mother ever. After my baby is born, I will have to return to work full-time. We cannot get by on my husband's paycheck alone, so I don't have a choice. I would love to be able to work part-time and be at home with my child more, but it's just not feasible at this time.

I wouldn't worry about what others say. Do what feels right to you and your situation. I agree with kaerbear's comments about a couple of days a week out of the house being good for you, and for your kids too. It will do them some good to be in daycare a couple days a week. It did so much for my stepdaughter. She used to be very shy and 'anti-social.' She is now very outgoing and can make a friend with no problem.

Good luck to you.

ladylee70

replied on May 25th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

You all are so great! I appreciate everyones comments. The money would be really helpful for me to make payments on my student loan, pay off some other things and to be able to have a little more cushion. We maybe able to make it by my not working but if an emergency happens, it won't be pretty.

I also think I am such a better mom when I am working a little. I personally tend to take my child and the time I have with him for granted when I am with him so much. I tend to have a lot better time management skills when I am working. If I said that on the other forum, I would be EVIL EVIL EVIL for evening saying that. I would be a very selfish person!!

Both jobs are in the same profession but one has double the work load. The benefits seem to be a little more (minus the $$) in the two day a week. There is more driving but I don't mind the "think time!" I will keep you all updated. I know for sure I got the two day a week position but the three day a week will be calling either today or tuesday. My decision may already be made if I don't get the other job.

LOVE YA ALL!!! Thanks for being there when I totally felt like pooo!!

sillyakchick

replied on May 25th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

There does seem to be a strange "cult-like" collection of mothers out ther in cyberspace who think you are a monster if you work, don't "wear" your baby, don't breastfeed, and make your kids sleep in their own bed. I have been labeled as a very insensitive mother for insisting that my kids sleep in their own beds. I also work full-time, and once someone actually had the audacity to tell me that I shouldn't have had kids if i wasn't going to spend my time with them. Sorry you have run into this.

As for the job, if it were me, I would probably (personally) go for the 3 days a week position. The extra money could help make a safety net for you guys in case you needed a new car, or a new furnace or something ungodly like that. Hope you find the right solution!

ThriftyGal

replied on May 25th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

you are not a bad mother! i'm all for attachment parenting, but sometimes the people in that movement act like real nazi's about it.

Willa Weintraub

replied on May 25th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

sillyakchick wrote:

I agree! it's only 3 days a week which means you have 4 to be with yiur children.I know tons of moms who woul kil for that much time! your a good mom.don't listen to those freaks! Wink

HcoBrunette06

replied on May 25th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

love you! glad we could help!

vanessalouanne

replied on May 25th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

I think that it makes you a much better mom if you do work part time. You are doing what you need to provide for your children and what mother doesnt want to be able to give their child some of there "wants" on top of all their "needs". I also think time away from the kids isnt a bad thing. It will probably help you keep your sanity and appreciate the time you do have with the kids even more. Plus I think daycare is great for socialization. Studies show that children who are in preschool/day care settings benefit from the social interaction with other children their age. Don't let anyone make you feel like a bad mom Karin! And i say do whatever you feel is right as far as the amount of days goes.. plus isnt Nate not too far off from kindergarten?

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