My mil keeps telling me that I should just get a c-section. Ok then, I think not. I want to have as natural a birth as I can but I don't want to feel like a failure if I have a section. At least I tried and stuff happens.

I don't know why people think c-sections are safer then natural births. It is strange to me. That's like saying having cardiac bypass is safer than watching what you eat. It is great to have it in case of emergency, but better to avoid if at all possible.

The logical part of me knows that having a section is not failure, but my stupid emotional side that insists on perfection doesn't like to listen. LOL I don't think any woman who gives birth regardless of the method is a failure.

Does your mil understand that women recover much faster with a "natural" birth? I was up and walking an hour or so afterward. Granted, I wasn't roaming the halls... I hobbled to and from the bathroom but there you go. A c-section is major surgery. Recovery is rougher. It's definitely not the "easy" way out.

I got the best piece of advice when I was pregnant: be wary of pregnancy advice from anyone who isn't either a doctor or hasn't been pregnant in the last 7 years.

in my opinion..............i recovered faster with my c-sections than i did with my vaginal births.

I like that advice!

My mil only had c-sections and she even asked them to knock her completely out! She told me that she didn't want to be there whenever her kids were born. I am really shocked by this because I think that it is going to be amazing to be there the instant .Luke makes his appearance. My fil wasn't in the room either, which surprised me also. And I thought I had issues because .Dan doesn't want to cut the cord! Oh well,my mom will prolly cut it.

Btw, I don't get along very well with my inlaws. They treat my husband like crap and like a little kid. Also, she is not going to be in the room with me. My mom is (who is vegan and very organic) is going to be with me and also my sister (who believes in drug-free births if you can handle it). I think that both of them will be an awesome support system.

maybe you're one of the lucky ones then

sillyakchick, i just want to say I feel so bad that you have those bad feelings about your birth experiences. I hope you get over that eventually and don't feel any guilt over having a section because it's not your fault and you are not a failure in any way.

I've also have had some women tell me i should have a c-section and my sister in law told me if she could do it all over again she would just have a c-section for all of her children, whom she birthed naturally. This was 3 weeks after I had had surgery and was still in pain and talking about how I would so much like to have natural birth when my baby comes. I don't know why women say these things to each other. I would never tell a woman you shouldn't have a section or you should do it completely natural or anything like that. I think it is a very personal decision and since we all go through it or will go through it we should support each other and not have expectations because we can't know what another person goes through. I think the best gift we can give to ourselves and to other women is the ability to choose a birth that feels the best for us so we can be at our best and feel safe and empowered when the time comes.

Well said!!

I think I misunderstood your post.

I thought you were saying that it is very very likely the baby will pass merconium - to which I was saying it is very possible but that lots of times it doesn't happen.

But now, I think you were saying that if merconium is passed then infection is very likely - in which case I agree with you completely

Thanks for that, I really appreciate it! And I agree with you. I would never expect someone to give birth without drugs if they did not think they could do it. I actually used to think that women who opted for a c section "copped out" until it happened to me. I don't think that anymore. I honestly used to believe that no woman would carry a baby she wasn't physically able to give birth to, but again, I guess we live and learn. Birth is so personal, I just don't think we could ever truly understand someone elses experience, because each is so unique. well, I digress...

I (my own humble opinion) is that women shouldn't "plan" to have drugs.
They might suprise themselves but how much they can cope with if they only try.

I'm not saying to say no period, but I don't think planning "oh I am going to have an epi at this point and these drugs etc etc" is a good idea.

I think more along the lines of "I will see how I feel at *this* point and review if I wish to have any pain relief" makes more sense.
Also that it is beneficial to look at non drug pain relief as well.

I agree, but I can't impose my will on the birth experience of others.

Kia how can you possibly say
I abhore people who think that they have the right to say how a woman should give birth.
and then say how a women should cope with pain in labor. I think that is the extreamly hypocritical.

I had an emergency c-section with my first because she was a premie. With my second I started out my pregnancy thinking I wanted to try to have a vaginal birth. As the time got closer and closer I got more and more nervous about it. I'm a very modest person and though I have heard when the time comes many women wouldn't care if a marching band strolled through, I couldn't imagine that would be the case for me. I opted for a c-section. I guess I had moments where I felt like I was taking the easy way out (like when .Mike's mom basicly said I was). Then I thought who cares how he comes out as long as he's healthy.

I healed very well from my section.

I have to admit that I was thinking the same thing. It did seem a bit hypocritical. No offense, this is how I perceived it.

I gave my opinion on what I think is best - not what someone *should* do

Telling someone they can not give birth alone, is not at all the same as saying that you don't think planning on taking drugs is a good idea.

I didn't say how a woman should cope with pain.

shall I quote myself - oh go on then


Oh look it was my opinion on what *I* think is best, not what the law should be on how someone *should* give birth.

The article explains how it is made "illegal" for these women to birth, without "medical intervention", if their partner/husband/friend is with them but unqualified.
They are pretty much saying you *have* to have a qualified medical person with you to give birth.
Well, that to me is abhorrent because in my personal experience the medical profession cause more screw ups than those non-qualified.

picture this:
woman (with unqualified hubby), birthing gets a bit difficult, hubby suggests that maybe they ought call paramedics/hospital/midwife for assistance because things are going as expected.
he conforts his wife and tells her it is ok and that it isn't her fault.
woman and baby live.

woman (on her own), birthing gets a bit difficult, woman thinks maybe she is overreacting a bit and tries to cope.
She doesn't notice certain signs of distress in either herself or the baby.
She is too afraid to now call for medical help.
woman and baby die.

This is what I am objecting to - telling a woman how things have to be set up to give birth/who can and can't be there.

I pointed out early on in the discussion that I don't think it is wise to not at least have a hospital/midwfe/whatever on standby.
I think it is very wise to have a hands off midwife present when homebirthing.
But no-one should have the right to tell a woman that that midwife *has* to be there.

So, I'm sorry vanessa and karin that the two of you feel the need to deliberately misunderstand/twist my words (once again - this isn't the first time from either of you), but if you got past the fact that you don't like me (and I don't expect anyone to like everyone - fact of life) and actually read what I said instead of trying to twist things around hmm?

i directly quoted what you said..how is that twisting your words? it has nothing to do with you personally it has to do with my opinion of medicine and labor and how if a women should have the right to give birth without medical intervention then she should have the right to medicines that help her cope with labor whenever she feels the need. birthing is a personal thing correct? i dont see how you can go one way on this without seeing the other side of things.

you quoted my first comment and twisted my later comment
I didn't say how they should - I said what in my opinion I thought was best, not what I thought should be law.

which is what I said. I didn't say at any point that drugs shouldn't be available. I said in my opinion that it made more sense to see if you could cope without rather than just planning to have drugs regardless of how you actually feel at that time.

my point exactly, so why should someone be allowed to say how and with whom a woman may give birth.

this doesn't make sense.
I can have an opinion which favours one side.
How can you say that I am not seeing the other side?
I have looked at both sides.
I stand by the opinion that no-one should have the right to tell a woman, how, where, with whom, she may give birth.

A woman has the right to choose the situation she gives birh in just the same as she has the right to choose if she has the baby or not. Personally i know that i would prefer to be in hospital for the last part of labour and the delivery because i know that if god forbid anything was to go wrong that all of the medical professionals and equipment is there ready and waiting. but that's just my opinion other people can do whatever pleases them

I think it's disgusting! How can anyone put their wants over the possible life threatening danger of their baby?

I don't care if it was done hundreds of years ago, we have the knowledge now to protect our babies...

Definitely SELFISH!!!!