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Relationships > Relationships and Marriage Forum > Should I marry the girl I lost my virginity to?
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Q: Should I marry the girl I lost my virginity to?
asked by: awkwarddepressed on May 17th, 2007
Experienced User
is it wrong to marry the only person ive had sex with? i lost my virginity in my late 20s and have continued to date this person. i love her but i feel like a complete loser at times because i didnt have a lot of sex in my life, whereas it seems that a lot of people outside my group of friends has had a lot more sex.

any thoughts would be appreciated. its very depressing sometimes.
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jaime_elms
replied on May 17th, 2007
Experienced User
If you love that person then i dont see how it is wrong to stay with that person, having sex with alot of people isnt that cool, i mean maybe in life u shud have fun before you settle down. But i mean i was in a 4year relationship with my first bf when i was 16 he was my first, and then i had 1nite thing Sad which i regret and now am with my new bf been with him for 1year. I dont see how just because you havent slept around u say ur a loser. I think that if u are unhappy in ur relationship then maybe you should talk to ur partner about it. I think that deep down you must have wanted to wait for the right person.
Instead of jus been used for a one nightstand, which really they aint that good.
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tyciol
replied on May 18th, 2007
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I think it's wrong to marry this girl if you're still having misgivings about doing so because it would make you uncool for not having many sexual experiences. As long as you see merits within promiscuous behaviours, you should explore and resolve them. This does not mean acting out on them (though you can) but at least thinking about it more. About what you value. About what the input of others and society's themes mean to you. Are they right? Are you right?

Marriage is supposed to be a serious commitment, you need to be content and resolved about it or it will be troublesome to sustain it, and it would do a disservice to whoever you'd marry. After all, consider if your girlfriend had similar misgivings. She'd do you a disservice to marry you if she would be wondering sometimes "perhaps I should have slept with a dozen men before marrying this guy".

There is also the question of exclusivity within marriage as some couples have more open policies regarding other persons.

One valuable thing is really just to talk about this. Relationships should be open, you should be able to discuss your feelings.
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paul995
replied on May 22nd, 2007
Experienced User
Simple! if you love her and if both of you guys are ready physically, mentally, financially, etc., then go one. The problem i think is the fact that you think you should have multiple sexual relations first before tying the not which should not be the case. You compare yourself with your friends that you want to become them. You think that it's the norm to have multiple partners before settling into marriage which is untrue. These people did not find true love unlike you do. Imagine these people jumping from one relationship into another, searching for that "someone". And they fail. You on the other hand has found "her". Don't pass up this opportunity.
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goodhealth2u
replied on May 22nd, 2007
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Ok, I'm older so my views are a bit old fashioned when it comes to this area but I think you should be proud of yourself that you haven't been running around banging everything that moves.

You found love and that's where you are committed. I believe these days it takes more of a man to stick to one partner than it does to behave like every other guy.

But don't marry her JUST BECAUSE she is the one that you lost your virginity to. Marry her because you love her and want to be with her exclusively the rest of your lives.

Most Sincererly,
Karen
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princessnae
replied on May 22nd, 2007
Experienced User
Wow
ok so you say that its depressing. Is it because you didnt take advantage of your youth and sleep with everyone you could or are you wondering what else is out there? Cause the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Are you trying to compete against your freinds? I mean you love this girl right? Why should it matter that you lost your viginity to her? I mean you found the one so whats the depression about?
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nightangel73
replied on May 28th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
i don't understand why people feel bad about not having sexual experiences with multiple people?

If you want to have sex with different women then you don't love her so don't marry her.
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goodhealth2u
replied on May 28th, 2007
New User
nightangel73 wrote:

If you want to have sex with different women then you don't love her so don't marry her.


Good insight, nightangel73.

-Karen
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W0LF
replied on July 27th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
It's definately not wrong. But it may not be healthy for the marriage. It sounds like you're feeling doubts as to wheather or not you've had the sexual experiences you want. That's not at all abnormal for a young man contemplating marriage. However you shouldn't enter your marriage with doubts about sex. You should be confident in taking your wife as your last sexual partner. I'd actually suggest you talk about this with her. She knows you better than anyone, if your doubts aren't realistic she's probably the best person to point it out to you.
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