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My Man Doesn't Cum (Page 1)

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My boyfriend of 4 years never cums during intercourse. He only cums 1 out of every 20 or so times we have sex. He has said in the past that he enjoys sex and doesn't know why this isn't working. He has also given excuses as he masturbates too much, watches too much porn, I have a bad attitude and that he cannot be free with me and lastley that it is a combination of all. I don't know what to do I've tried everything I know how to do. I'm not a prude I've tried all types of sexual things with him but it does not work. The times we do watch a porn while having sex he has orgasmed. But sometimes even when I suggest that he says he doesn't want to watch a porn. At the end of every love making session I end up licking his gentitalia area while he jerks off. It makes me feel horrible knowing that I can't please him. Even when I initiate sex I worry he doesn't really want to have sex with me because he doesn't act like he wants to with enthusiasm. I think this might me the end of the road for us. Is there any MEDICAL reason for this? He does smoke marijuana and cigs? But so do a lot of people and they don't have this problem. Plus he's onlyin his late 20's. Please help.
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First Helper User Profile samuel50
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replied May 15th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
If he's blaming it on you, then he has serious issues. It's pretty much either a mental issue for him, and he needs therapy, or, it's physical, and he needs to go to a doctor.
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replied May 16th, 2007
Experienced User
it's probably pure psychological on his part. try asking him what pleases him, then work on it. if it doesn't work, then time to go to someone who knows this problem best - a doctor.
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replied May 17th, 2007
My husband and I have been together for 6 years and he has never had an orgasm while we have sex. In fact, it took him well over a year before I could give him one by hand and I still can't by mouth. It feels good to him, but I don't think he is completely able to relax and enjoy it fully. HE SHOULD NEVER BLAME YOU!! For years I felt it was my fault, something must be wrong with me, but it truly is not your fault. It is psychological all the way. I really hate to say this to you, but most men are scared to admit that something might be wrong with them, so he probably wont be willing to talk to someone about options, instead he will blame you. Be strong and confident with yourself, don't make him feel guilty because it will only make it more difficult for him, and ease your way into some talks about seeing a sex/relationship therapist together. I hope this helps coming from someone in the same situation and I also hope your man will be more willing to check into it than my man.
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replied May 17th, 2007
Ejaculation
I purposely do not ejaculate every time I have sex. I allow myself to ejaculate only every 12 days.

I have sex with my wife and satisfy her, and when I am almost about to cum I withdraw. Not ejaculating every time we have sex makes me VERY hot for her and makes me want more sex with her. This approach has really increased my libido and helped me to erotisize my wife. Now I am really hot for her and when I do allow myself to cum no more than every 12 days, my sexual experiences are all very very good.

This is kind of a Tantric thing. Divide your age by 5 and this determines how many days apart your ejaculations should be. We now have a very hot sex life.
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Users who thank Jack966 for this post: AleahCRF 

replied May 18th, 2007
Kudos Jack! That sounds very erotic for both of you. As a man, what's your take on a guy physically not being able to orgasm during sex? Does that seem "normal" and what would you suggest?
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replied May 19th, 2007
My Man Doesnt Cum
Janet, i have a feeling you relationship is not working apart from companionship .If he needs all those stimulants & still doesnt ejaculate then he has a very low sex drive or is bored sh----less with the present situation.
I really suggest that both of you look elsewhere.
For both those that believe it is natural to continually deny oneself ejaculation or even someone else there is now overwhelming evidence that males who do not climax often or not at all are far more likely to contract prostate cancer later in life!
I say Do What Cums naturally! Wink

Xanthowner
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replied May 20th, 2007
Not Ejaculating
Before my wife and I were married, she has a boyfriend who could not cum in the missionary position. He could only cum when she was lying on her stomach. She thinks that he was still in love with his first wife and would not cum when he was looking at her.

In my experience, I can not cum when I am stressed or anxious. He might want to try putting a small dose of Zanax under his tongue before sex. You have to have a prescription, but I experience anxiety from time to time and I put a 50 mg Zanax under my tongue about 30 minutes before sex. I calms me down and allows me to have a good experience. If he explains his problem to his physician, the physician will probably give him a prescription for Zanax. This was suggested to me by a sex therapist a few years ago when I was havind ED problems and it has really really helped me.
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replied July 7th, 2011
know your dose
no such thing as a 50mg zanax...... .25 .5 1mg 2mg...seriously.?
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replied September 20th, 2011
unless u fancy sleeping during sex and lets face it, some times... ; o )
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replied May 23rd, 2007
This might be a dumb question but are you using condoms during sex? In my experience I cannot use condoms during sex for whatever reason or I will not reach orgasm. Only when I go natural will I have one.
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replied May 25th, 2007
I have read about something called Caverject; it is a syringe which treats impotency and erectile dysfunction. I don’t know much about it so, I would advise you to read this article which is found on this page.
[Link Removed] i hope that this proves to be a solution for you.
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replied April 7th, 2009
I have the same problem as your b/f. I have never seen my girl as to blame, and you shouldn't feel that way. I admit, its nervewracking that even after eight hours of intercourse i wont climax. But, i just accept it. It's nice to be able to keep my partner satisfied every time, and if i really want to cum I can help her out with masturbation, then finish in her mouth or wherever she wants it at.
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replied May 18th, 2009
Ejaculation
I about to get married to a man that I love very much,but he has never ejaculated when we are having sex. I am concerned because we want to have children but don't see how that can happen. What can we do about this situation???
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replied May 19th, 2009
If he is masturbating a lot
It's quite possible that he needs intense stimulation that no vagina will be able to provide him. He will then only be able to come through masturbation.
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replied May 21st, 2009
Sorry if this has been said already but I may have a theory. You say he masturbates a lot, correct? Does he cum then? If he does then he probably has the same problem I used to have.

I used to masterbate all of the time due to my girl being unable to please me, which annoyed me. The times I could cum with her was usually just a handjob, by myself with little interaction from her. I figured out it was the need for masturbation and porn, so I quit it. Now I have a happy sex life.

Suggest it to him or leave, he won't ever learn.
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replied May 21st, 2009
Experienced User
tell him to stop masturbating and watching porn for 2 weeks, have sex then.
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replied May 29th, 2009
My man doesn't cum
Right now it's probably taking everything he has got to have sex with you. Why? He is watching porn and no woman can compete with porn. He needs to get off the porn and get back to reality. It will take a little time but what the heck. Don't volunteer to watch porn with him because you will be the last thing on his mind and just make the problem worse. There are many men who simply prefer porn to real women and that problem will just get worse in our current culture. Porn is safer, its certainly hotter, and the actresses aren't discussing you with their friends and family. Very safe, except for relationships.
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replied June 12th, 2009
hey to be honest i am a male in mid 20s and i have this problem often as well... i think it is honestly a combination of a few things. he should not be blaming it on you, but it is possible there might be some things you can do to help him along personally i think for myslef and him it is a mental issue and one problem is that once he cant cum for a few times wether he shows it or not he is probably nervous about it making it even harder for him to come personally i know this to be true because if i dont cum maybe 2 times in a row during sex i would knwoo my girlfriend started feeling bad making me nervous about not cumming wich in turn made it harder next time for me to cum. in your case i think it is important that u let him know u understand not all guys cum everytime form actual intercourse and let him know that u are fine with it, but that you love it when he does. also it is possible to possibly help him along for instance talk about sex a bit ask him if there is something he wants to try and give him a bit of time to get comfortable and tell you often times its not you he is uncomfortable with but maybe his own desires. try telling him something that might turn you on that would be borderline strange ( i.e. cosplay or roleplaying a bit) something fairly harmless but maybe fun! and a bit unusual maybe doing something like that for you would make him a bit more comfortable telling you if there is something else he wants that maybe hes not normally able to talk about i know for me i had always wanted something fairly simple but always felt bad asking ( giving a facial) but once she offered i was so turned on it was hard not to cum maybe it will work the same with him once u try a few things and get him goin then it might be smooth sailing in general. even in normal intercourse. also once again as i said if you really want him to cum then be willing to try some things as long as its worth it to you, and be willing to listen and dont be insulted you say you know how to do things wich im sure is true but just like every girl is different guys can be to so be patient and understanding and encourage him to let you know what will get him off! good luck and i hope this helps. ( p.s. i still dont come sometimes but its not a big deal to me i usually do and if my girl is ever fealin like she cant make me all she has to do is one of those lil fetishes and then she knows she can always satisfy me!) and also one other thing try telling him its ok for him to cum before you. i know for me often the reson i dont cum is because some times i feel like i need to cum really soon after starting, but i always hold it and wait for her to cum some times after you have been holding it for a while it gets very hard to cum at least from the same stimulation and masturbation or oral can only get me off. so it could be that if you tell him to cum as soon as he can it might be a short sex session but maybe satisfying for you because not only did u make him cum but u do it in record time! and if he does cum right away dont be dissapointed be happy and show it to him so he wont be nervous to do it soemtimes! once again hope this helps!
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replied November 1st, 2009
he needs to stop looking at porn and amsturbating. I think when someone does that they start to think that they only can to that stuff. and if you do too often it's not healthy. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable when he looks at porn because it makes you feel like he wants something else. I told my man and he never looks at it. but we've had a problem with him initiating sex but I've noticed you have to think about your surroundings we live with ppl that make it hard to have sex because we live with alot of ppl. but how it sounds tell him to stop and tell him if he wants to look at something naked that you'll buy some lingere and strip for him or something. make it exciting. It as though he might want something else though because men usually dont masturbate or look at porn alot if they are single!!! Talk to him or LEAVE him!!!
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replied December 1st, 2009
I am no saint by any means. Trust me I'm as depraved as the next guy. But there is a total over-saturation of porn in the human wide psyche. 90 percent of men think they have inadequate gear because of what they compare it to. And they have the idea that sex always looks as it does on. Plus they base their ideals on what women should look like in comparison to porn stars. This creates a whole other slew of inadequacies on the female end. I honestly think porn is a poison just like drugs, booze and cigarettes. Just because you're not ingesting a chemical doesn't mean there isn't a chemical reaction taking place that's changing you. I swore off porn and surprise, I have more sex which is more enjoyable. I have a different view of women and I communicate better with them (psst..thats the real secret. chicks love that). So try it for a week or two. See what happens.
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replied December 1st, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
It's not acceptable for you to make someone else's orgasm a component of your self esteem. You really shouldn't even make your own orgasm matter that much to do. The male or female orgasm is an involuntary response to stimulation and erotic response. The human body is designed to resist patterns of stimulation. If you're doing the same thing again and again it becomes less painful or pleasurable because of the very way we work. It doesn't matter if you're runway model hot and you're dockside prostitute good in bed if your partner is doesn't respond to your stimulation then neither of you can make them orgasm no matter how badly you want to. Absolutely be concerned and do what you can to help the person you love feel pleasure but their orgasm is their responsibility and nothing you should be more hung up on than they are.
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