I really need to let this out. This is more informative and I am just looking for support and advice, so thanks for reading.
About me: I am almost 23 and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, before him I only had one other serious boyfriend. He is 27 and in the military.
Background: When we started dating, I was depressed and about two sizes too big for my body type so needless to say I had a very poor self image of myself.
Two weeks into our relationship he answered a phone call from his ex and referred to me as “some girl” that he was “sorta talking to”. After that I confronted him because we were dating and he got really angry and it honestly scared me and that was the last time I stood up for myself. He has never been physically abusive. And basically he treats me like a glorified doormat and I have taken it.
Basically there are a lot of little things that add up. Like for example, he has never told me that I looked good or pretty or anything like that unless I am fishing for compliments. I know that may seem conceited and vain, but it’s the truth he has never in 3 years. I have lost 15 pounds in the past few months, and hasn’t made a single comment about it.
He’ll answer the phone and just say mean things to me and he thinks its funny.. but its not its abusive.. but he says I’m just too sensitive. I am sensitive, but why does he do that? I feel like he puts me down just because he can. I am a psychology major, I know what he is doing to me and I let it happen. I just have gotten used to letting it roll off my back..
He is so closed off and is so afraid to share his feelings so he doesn’t share them at all. He is a very angry person. Nothing seems to make him truly happy. He moved back to the east coast for a few months, bought a motorcycle, advanced in his job, got a pay raise, gets to visit his family so much more.. and I just kept waiting for him to become happy and he just never is.
If I stay with him I will always be living in fear, waiting for the other shoe to drop. That one day he might get mad enough to hit me or our children. And he is so angry, what kind of father is he going to make… I know that the best thing for me is that I need to end this. But then I have all this guilt because he basically is moving back to the west coast for me, we have talked about marriage, ect.... But this is a long time coming, I just ignored it and tired to look at the positives which there are.
But the other day he mentioned how he saw a women that he thought was so sexy.. and I asked him do you think that I am sexy? And he just played it off like it was a stupid question. But to me it wasn’t. I truly wanted to know what he thought of me. And I realized I don’t want to live like this. I don’t think that he truly finds me attractive and if that’s so why are we even dating…
I will be walking on egg shells for the rest of my life trying to accommodate him and make him happy. I have spent so much of myself trying to make him happy but nothing does. I changed who I was to be what I thought would make him happy. I had myself convinced that I would never find anyone because no one would want me. But you know, I deserve better I can do better. I deserve to be treated with respect.
I had a good friend tell me that if you really loved someone it should be the easiest thing you can ever do. Tomorrow I am going to tell him how I feel and that I am not happy. So thanks for listening… If anyone is having a similar situation I hope this helps in someway. Feel free to pm me.
