I have a close friend who's getting married in August that I'm concerned for,
About her: 31, born and raised in Pennsylania, barely getting by financially, very honest, very gullible and overly trusting of people, only had 1 boyfriend and was still a virgin until meeting this man. Was working full time until she moved in with him, now has gone back to college to get her masters degree (psychology major).
About him: 50, born and raised in Pakistan, Divorced with 2 children (pays child support), Psychiatrist, has lived in the states for about 25 years.
There's not much to say about my friend other than she's a very nice and good person who doesn't have much experience with men, I believe this is only the second man she's been involved with, she met him through a woman she worked with. At first my friend said she wasn't interested in him, but he started sending flowers, wined and dined her, and offered to take her to London for 10 days which she accepted, a month or so later they got engaged and she moved in with him.
I've done some research on him and have found out a few things;
1. He told her he was 40, he's really 50. Its not clear if she knows this, if she does she hasn't told anyone.
2. Told her he owned his house (duplex), he was renting it.
3. Went to his neighbor who is also his landlord and tells her not to speak to or bother my friend because she needed her rest and didn't want anyone bothering her. My guess is he didn't want my friend finding out any information about himself.
4. Has changed his job 3 times in the past year and has now moved to Washington State, my friend will be moving there after the wedding in August away from all of her family and friends here on the east coast.
5. Told her they had to watch their money (she only works part time while she's getting her masters degree) yet he buys himself a new Lexus sports car, takes 2 trips to Brazil, 1 to Washington State and 2 to Pakistan all by himself in the past 9 months.
6. Tells her he has some business property in Washington State he needs to sell but doesn't tell her he's really going for a job interview and accepts the job with the Va Administration in their Psychiatry department.
7. Told my friend that the last woman that was living with him was a drunk, left him and stole like $30,000 from him, I found out that this woman was an honor graduate who had won several awards in Pennsylvania and is a Certified Public Accountant.
8. He told my friend when he lived in Washington State that his business partners there stole money from the business and ruined things for him there, I found out that he represented himself in the Washington courts, lost his case, and then claimed the courts were biased against him.
9. I found out that he was fined by the Immigration and Naturalization Service for hiring illegal immigrats from Pakistan.
10. Found out that the Washington State Department of Health filed a Disciplinary Action against him, I was unable to find out why.
11. He now treats her like a child and makes sick jokes about her religion (Christian) but it doesn't seem to bother her at all. He pats her on the top of her head like a good little girl.
12. She flew to Washington last weekend to see him and leave her cat there with him, while she was there he bought her a new car (on order).
Where's all the money coming from??
13. She walked in on him in the bathroom and he was injecting himself with a syringe, he told her he had diabetes and hadn't told her about it because he was afraid she'd leave him. She had never seen any diabetic supplies in the house, a week later a box of diabetic supplies were delivered.
I've seen a big change in her over the past year, she's become kinda cold and distant, totally not like her. Whenever anyone questions her about him she gets very defensive and angry which is totally out of character for her.
I think you should tell your friend how you really feel and hope she understands it. If he is doing all of this to her then she should have the right to know what is going on. My friend was the same way she met this guy thought he was the best until she no longer had no life no friends and no job! she was always calling me to try to come get her and take her away because she couldnt handle it so speak up and let her know how you feel about it all and tell her you are concerned
Shes Your Friend And You Should Speak Your Mind...
Unfortunately she probably wont listen... at first anyway.. but the more you talk to her the better her chances are to get out. I have not been involved with someone from another country... however, I do know people from that area (and I am not trying to generalize a culture) and they are raised differently. Thus they treat their women differently.. This is no excuss of course for mistreating your friend. I will say that he probably is very smart and feel invisible and thinks he can get away with all the lies... My advice is talk your friends ear off and be there for her as much as you can.