Joined: 11 May 2007 Posts: 1 Location: North Dakota
Why I Had One Posted: 05-11-07 01:05am
I had
an abortion because I became pregnant by
someone who is not my husband. My husband
said sure I could keep the baby but that
he would never treat it as his own and
that everyone including the child and our
existing children would know that he/she
was not his. What was I supposed to do, I
could never carry a child to term and then
give it away and at the same time I
couldn't keep it and have it be tortured
every day of it's life feeling like it
wasn't wanted. I wanted it, I would have
kept it had I had a choice, it was my baby
even if it wasn't his, and I hate myself
for not standing up for myself and saying
so what?, this is my baby and I'm going to
love it no matter how it came to be. It's
the one thing in my life I would do
differently. I can't believe I let a man
control something as important as that.
We don't talk about it ever, I think about
it so much. I think how old it would be,
what it would look like, how much I would
love it. I grieve for it everyday, it
makes me crazy. I think that abortion
should be legal, I just could never do it
again. How you feel when you're in that
clinic, and I think about the second
before the doctor began the procedure how
I wanted to tell her to stop. I wish I
had. When I was in the bathroom stall
afterwards was the worst moment of my
life. I guess now I feel like once you
have a baby you never regret having them,
and now I've even thought that death
wouldn't be so bad because I want to
believe that we'll be together again. I
hate feeling like this and I feel like it
will never get any better. My baby would
be almost exactly 8 months old today, and
I think the pain gets worse everyday. I
won't be much help at giving others hope
that you forget. I wish so much that I
could go back to that day and have
something or someone stop me. I guess I
hope someone out there is listening and
can understand how much suffering I know
is ahead of me, I'm only 29 so its going
to be so so long to wait for the pain to
go away.
|
Jules
Moderator
Joined: 19 Aug 2006 Posts: 3757 Location: Merrie Englande, UK
Thanks: 78
Thanked:66
Posted: 05-11-07 04:17am
I'm so sorry that you're in so much
emotional pain from your abortion. I am
going to pm you a link to a website that I
think will help you.
Also, I am moving this from the abortion
debate board because I don't think your
story needs to be debated.
|
meblonde01
Supporter
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 2123 Location: ,
Thanks: 6
Thanked:2
Re: Why I Had One Posted: 05-11-07 07:41am
LauraSauer
wrote:
I had
an abortion because I became pregnant by
someone who is not my husband. My husband
said sure I could keep the baby but that
he would never treat it as his own and
that everyone including the child and our
existing children would know that he/she
was not his. What was I supposed to do, I
could never carry a child to term and then
give it away and at the same time I
couldn't keep it and have it be tortured
every day of it's life feeling like it
wasn't wanted. I wanted it, I would have
kept it had I had a choice, it was my baby
even if it wasn't his, and I hate myself
for not standing up for myself and saying
so what?, this is my baby and I'm going to
love it no matter how it came to be. It's
the one thing in my life I would do
differently. I can't believe I let a man
control something as important as that.
We don't talk about it ever, I think about
it so much. I think how old it would be,
what it would look like, how much I would
love it. I grieve for it everyday, it
makes me crazy. I think that abortion
should be legal, I just could never do it
again. How you feel when you're in that
clinic, and I think about the second
before the doctor began the procedure how
I wanted to tell her to stop. I wish I
had. When I was in the bathroom stall
afterwards was the worst moment of my
life. I guess now I feel like once you
have a baby you never regret having them,
and now I've even thought that death
wouldn't be so bad because I want to
believe that we'll be together again. I
hate feeling like this and I feel like it
will never get any better. My baby would
be almost exactly 8 months old today, and
I think the pain gets worse everyday. I
won't be much help at giving others hope
that you forget. I wish so much that I
could go back to that day and have
something or someone stop me. I guess I
hope someone out there is listening and
can understand how much suffering I know
is ahead of me, I'm only 29 so its going
to be so so long to wait for the pain to
go away.
Oh Laura I know your pain. Please seek
some counseling. I will pm you a site that
will help you too. Time will help but
right now you need more than time. God
Bless.
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 05-11-07 14:19pm
Our hearts go out to you! I hope that you
will be able to heal.
You are not a bad person... Its very sad
when women are forced to make desicions
they don't want to make. I really think
you do need to talk to your husband about
this. He might be completely callous about
it, and if he is... that's not right. He
shouldn't act that way. Yes, the
circumstances of the pregnancy weren't the
best, but he had no right to say he'd
never love the child or consider it his
own. What if he became infertile and you
wanted to adopt? Would he never be able to
consider that child his own? I don't know
if I'm out of my place for saying these
things.
LauraSauer, my heart goes out to you. It's
sad that your pregnancy had to end in such
a way, despite the way you conceived.
Eiri
wrote:
He shouldn't act that way.
Yes, the circumstances of the pregnancy
weren't the best, but he had no right to
say he'd never love the child or consider
it his own.
I'm sorry, but I believe he definitely
does have the right; his
wife was unfaithful and he is not obliged
to raise another man's child. If he
truthfully knew he wouldn't be able to
love the child then he is being very
honest indeed (could you imagine if he
said nothing and then she had the baby?).
I believe everybody has the right to give
ultimatums: abort the child and save our
marriage or keep the child and lose the
marriage. That's fine with me - the woman
had to decide what mattered more to her
and she chose.
|
Meandering Away
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Jul 2005 Posts: 535
Posted: 05-12-07 14:52pm
Kypros
wrote:
LauraSauer, my heart goes
out to you. It's sad that your pregnancy
had to end in such a way, despite the way
you conceived.
Eiri
wrote:
He shouldn't act that way.
Yes, the circumstances of the pregnancy
weren't the best, but he had no right to
say he'd never love the child or consider
it his own.
I'm sorry, but I believe he definitely
does have the right; his
wife was unfaithful and he is not obliged
to raise another man's child. If he
truthfully knew he wouldn't be able to
love the child then he is being very
honest indeed (could you imagine if he
said nothing and then she had the baby?).
I believe everybody has the right to give
ultimatums: abort the child and save our
marriage or keep the child and lose the
marriage. That's fine with me - the woman
had to decide what mattered more to her
and she
chose.
That really is pro choice,...............
not, you claim eiri isn't pro choice yet
claim that a woman can be forced to do
what the man wants, you are not pro choice
at all.
LauraSauer, my heart goes
out to you. It's sad that your pregnancy
had to end in such a way, despite the way
you conceived.
Eiri
wrote:
He shouldn't act that way.
Yes, the circumstances of the pregnancy
weren't the best, but he had no right to
say he'd never love the child or consider
it his own.
I'm sorry, but I believe he definitely
does have the right; his
wife was unfaithful and he is not obliged
to raise another man's child. If he
truthfully knew he wouldn't be able to
love the child then he is being very
honest indeed (could you imagine if he
said nothing and then she had the baby?).
I believe everybody has the right to give
ultimatums: abort the child and save our
marriage or keep the child and lose the
marriage. That's fine with me - the woman
had to decide what mattered more to her
and she
chose.
That really is pro choice,...............
not, you claim eiri isn't pro choice yet
claim that a woman can be forced to do
what the man wants, you are not pro choice
at all.
Well, that just proves you really don't
know what pro-choice is . I have never said
that Eiri isn't a pro-choicer - you're a
liar! I have said, however, that
she adheres to views which I consider to
be a mix of pro-choice and pro-life.
Secondly, I never said
that I agree with coercion into abortion -
that was the whole point in my post,
dipshit. I said that her husband
is not obliged to stay in a marriage and
raise a child that is the result of an
extramarital affair. I also said that I
believe it is fair that he men in this
situation issue their wives with an
ultimatum - t h a t i s n o t f o r c
e. It's called seeing where the
loyalties lie. Get the facts straight
before you accuse me of things you clearly
have no idea about.
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 05-13-07 23:55pm
Kypros
wrote:
LauraSauer, my heart goes
out to you. It's sad that your pregnancy
had to end in such a way, despite the way
you conceived.
Eiri
wrote:
He shouldn't act that way.
Yes, the circumstances of the pregnancy
weren't the best, but he had no right to
say he'd never love the child or consider
it his own.
I'm sorry, but I believe he definitely
does have the right; his
wife was unfaithful and he is not obliged
to raise another man's child. If he
truthfully knew he wouldn't be able to
love the child then he is being very
honest indeed (could you imagine if he
said nothing and then she had the baby?).
I believe everybody has the right to give
ultimatums: abort the child and save our
marriage or keep the child and lose the
marriage. That's fine with me - the woman
had to decide what mattered more to her
and she
chose.
If he couldn't love it, then he has no
right to say "go ahead and give birth to a
child I will hate". That's just cruel.
LauraSauer, my heart goes
out to you. It's sad that your pregnancy
had to end in such a way, despite the way
you conceived.
Eiri
wrote:
He shouldn't act that way.
Yes, the circumstances of the pregnancy
weren't the best, but he had no right to
say he'd never love the child or consider
it his own.
I'm sorry, but I believe he definitely
does have the right; his
wife was unfaithful and he is not obliged
to raise another man's child. If he
truthfully knew he wouldn't be able to
love the child then he is being very
honest indeed (could you imagine if he
said nothing and then she had the baby?).
I believe everybody has the right to give
ultimatums: abort the child and save our
marriage or keep the child and lose the
marriage. That's fine with me - the woman
had to decide what mattered more to her
and she
chose.
If he couldn't love it, then he has no
right to say "go ahead and give birth to a
child I will hate". That's just
cruel.
Yeah, that's exactly my point: so he had
the right to issue her with an ultimatum
(abort and save our marriage or keep the
baby and lose our marriage). That's what
I've been saying Everybody keeps
misunderstanding me lately.
|
fiona05
Supporter
Joined: 21 Dec 2005 Posts: 663 Location: , Norn Iron
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 05-14-07 09:37am
Laura, my thoughs are with you. i am very
sorry you went through what you went
through. i don't think you are a bad
person, and i hope you will come to see
this. i hope that in time you will find
healing.
this topic has gone a bit 'off topic'. i
think that what kypros said has been
twisted a bit. i see what he is saying.
i'm sure knowing your wife has had an
affair and dealing with that in itself
must be a pretty difficult thing. to have
to see and raise a baby that was conceived
with another man must be like a kick in
the stomach every day. for him to admit
he would never be able to love the child
is a very honest thing.
however that is not to say i condone what
her husband said and did. it may have
been honest but it was cruel and it was
heartless. it represents what a lot of
people would feel though.
i think people place far too much emphasis
on having a child that is 'their own'.
though i can understand this wish (it is a
rather primal thing) i think it is wrong.
a child cannot be held responsible or
accountable for who its parents are. i
think a person who will not love a child
simply because it is not their own flesh
and blood is selfish.
when people are trying to conceive, if you
ask them why they say 'i want a baby'.
the term 'i want'. it should not be about
wanting, but about what is for the better
good. i think that tyring for a baby
simply because you 'want' a baby is an
immoral thing to do in this day and age.
me and my partner both believe this. the
world is overpopulated. there are so many
children that need to be adopted and/or
fostered. to adopt or foster would be a
wonderful thing to do. it's my opinion,
anyway.
wow i just went even further off topic.
to return to it... Laura, i think this is
too much for you to have to deal with
yourself. i think you should look into
getting counselling (maybe group
councelling for women in similar
situations?) . i hope you learn to come to
terms with your loss.
I had
an abortion because I became pregnant by
someone who is not my husband. My husband
said sure I could keep the baby but that
he would never treat it as his own and
that everyone including the child and our
existing children would know that he/she
was not his. What was I supposed to do, I
could never carry a child to term and then
give it away and at the same time I
couldn't keep it and have it be tortured
every day of it's life feeling like it
wasn't wanted. I wanted it, I would have
kept it had I had a choice, it was my baby
even if it wasn't his, and I hate myself
for not standing up for myself and saying
so what?, this is my baby and I'm going to
love it no matter how it came to be. It's
the one thing in my life I would do
differently. I can't believe I let a man
control something as important as that.
We don't talk about it ever, I think about
it so much. I think how old it would be,
what it would look like, how much I would
love it. I grieve for it everyday, it
makes me crazy. I think that abortion
should be legal, I just could never do it
again. How you feel when you're in that
clinic, and I think about the second
before the doctor began the procedure how
I wanted to tell her to stop. I wish I
had. When I was in the bathroom stall
afterwards was the worst moment of my
life. I guess now I feel like once you
have a baby you never regret having them,
and now I've even thought that death
wouldn't be so bad because I want to
believe that we'll be together again. I
hate feeling like this and I feel like it
will never get any better. My baby would
be almost exactly 8 months old today, and
I think the pain gets worse everyday. I
won't be much help at giving others hope
that you forget. I wish so much that I
could go back to that day and have
something or someone stop me. I guess I
hope someone out there is listening and
can understand how much suffering I know
is ahead of me, I'm only 29 so its going
to be so so long to wait for the pain to
go away.
. I have 
Everybody keeps
misunderstanding me lately.
