I Need Someone,maybe Its You? Females Respond Only Posted: 05-08-07 07:09am
This is kind of unusual for me, i am more
of an advice giver than an advice taker.
But just like everyone on here i am here
because i have unresolved issues, if it
accomplishes nothing else but allowing me
to express myself than that will be worth
something.
I wish i could make this post short but
given the length of the problem that just
isnt possible. I need someone, my whole
life i have constantly been alone. I dont
relate to other people, never really been
in a social situation where interaction
was available to me. I have never been
accepted for how i am and this has caused
emotional damage.
I know my issues, and that is not why i am
writing here today. I dont even pretend to
hope that someone out there will know more
than i already do, i am in a place where i
cant seem to find my way out. My inner
being shifts from one level to another,
and i cant seem to find a balance.
All i have ever wanted was one special
girl. One that was honest, sweet, caring
and kind, romantic, considerate,
passionate, energetic and enthusiastic.
Maybe even a little bubbly, but in my
entire life i have never had an emotional
connection with a girl.. Most likely
because i have not met enough.
Which brings me to why i am here, this
causes me great stress and anxiety
prohibiting me to relax and enjoy the
beautiful things the world has to offer. I
cant enjoy anything, nothing makes me feel
good. I have tried doing things i like..
Sure i like them but i dont enjoy them, i
dont smile after i have played some sport
or whatever. And its killing me, piece by
piece my armor is chipped away.
For anyone whom may read this and have a
problem with this posting, go find
something better to do than harass
someone who is trying to find their way
out of the darkness! Honesty for the whole
world to see. I am the wrath of a
volcanoe, i am the cold sharpness of a
sword. I am a creature lurking in the
shadows and circling in silence.
Ok forget meds and therapists, i need a
female with the attributes of an angel.
But who am i kidding right? This isnt a
movie with a happy ending, this is life
and it doesnt usually end with a happy
ending. This is just a howl in the night,
i am a wolf may a female return my call. I
am a poet by the way, this is how i
express myself.
Oh and please, dont be a smartmouth and
reply with some negative response. I know
you people out there with nothing better
to do, but seriously move it on. Heres
hoping for something..
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futurelovers
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 101
Posted: 05-13-07 17:32pm
I liked your prose poem.
The only thing that sorta 'bothered' me
was that you didn't offer too much hope in
your poem, except maybe the last
sentence.
I hope that you DO find that angelic
female you are looking for, and all the
best to you in the future!
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Jaydensmommy
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 28 Jan 2004 Posts: 1770 Location: , USA
Thanks: 4
Thanked:1
Posted: 05-14-07 22:03pm
Don't worry I feel the same way. I feel
as though I can't enjoy anything because I
am not enjoying it with a significant
other. Hmmm.....I just call myself a
beautiful disaster. We are in the same
boat dear.
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SaintLouyWoman
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 May 2007 Posts: 14 Location: IL
Birds of a Feather Posted: 05-23-07 09:22am
I know exactly how you feel. I was raped
before I was even three years old. It had
a very odd affect on me. I developed a
memory block and have a permanent form of
PTSD. PTSD in itself causes many other
problems, all of which are psychosematic.
I'm not crazy or anything. I just have
high anxiety and a lot of medical
problems. Because of this men, even my own
family like my dad, never really liked me.
I was always the second girl-if a guy
dated me, it was because he needed a
re-bound girl.
Then I met someone who picked me first-I
was his first choice. We were together
three years and he blew me away. I felt so
special, and he constantly talked about
marriage the last year. I'm not one for
kids, but I loved him enough to plan for
it in the future. Then with one argument
we had when i was drugged and sick (don't
even rememebr it really) He takes it all
away. He is only with me because another
girl he is "interested in" isn't
available. It hurts so bad. There is no
happy ending.
But, I move on. A woman should not be the
thing that determines your happiness-you
should. If you feel not having a woman is
why you're so unhappy, I think you should
seek help. And start dating casually and
go very slow.
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sillyakchick
Supporter
Joined: 12 Apr 2007 Posts: 2712
Thanks: 8
Thanked:1
Posted: 05-23-07 09:32am
The first time I went to see a
psychologist for my depression, I told him
that even when I have a great trip
planned, or something really fun, It
seemed like I was never allowed to enjoy
it. I told him it felt like there was a
tiny being inside me that controlled my
body and I was on auto pilot. He was a
crappy psychologist, but he did help me
with some things. He tried to counsel me
on how to live deeply in the moment, to
truly experience every little thing I was
doing and focus on the positive aspects of
each. Even driving (which is a great
exercise). Turn off the radio, open the
car windows, and think very hard about
every little thing you are doing. Listen
to the sounds outside your window and
breathe deeply. Smell everything around
you. This was really helpful to me to
learn to live inthe moment. Another thing
that actually got me out of therapy was
reading a couple of very meaningful books.
THe first was "One" by Richard Bach. The
other was "The Celestine Prophecy" by (I
think) James Redfield. You can't take
them as fact or religion, but they made a
very positive impact on me and helped me
to sort out my S#it.
About the girl---your feelings of wanting
to find someone like that are honorable,
understandable, and fairly normal. I hope
you find that person. I can tell you that
when the clouds of this depression are
lifted from your shoulders, other people
will notice your lightness and naturally
be attracted to you.
Peace.
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SaintLouyWoman
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 May 2007 Posts: 14 Location: IL
Happy Ending Posted: 05-31-07 13:22pm
Here to say they do exist We're back
together, and I feel so happy. Keep trying
people!
