Broken Hearted Forum - I Am So Confused, Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum > I Am So Confused, Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Q: I Am So Confused, Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!

asked by: *Vanessa* on May 4th, 2007

Experienced User

hey everyone, i really need some guidence here, im 18, been in reationship for 2 years, my bf and i used to b like bestfriends and all that, lately i just havent felt like sex, i get pissed off easilly, im basicly depressed (self diagnotion) and i just want to talk to sumone that i dont have to b face to face with. tonight my bf went to the pub with his mate, got smashed and every friggen friday night i end up takin care of him, he was throwing up, wasting his money once again andi was was once again takin care of him, i have absolutely no friends, i have best friends on the other side of australia and a best friesnd thst lives an hour away, i love them all to bits but he gets angry when i got to visit her in perth caz i hav "hooked up" with afew friends of my friends up there when we where broken up. i just want to cry my heart out. Anyway my bf started gettin angry at me tonight after he hd thrown up and left, leaving me with his friend (who i had also "hooked up" with (me and my bf where broken up and i went through a stage, only caz i lost my virginity to my bf caz i was waiting, and i wanted to see what other guys where like) and medical question he walked bak home and passed out, i got here and medical question, i just feel like cutting like i have done in the past, i dont know what to do, i want to be with friends and have friends, i want to b able to go out and have nothing to worry about, there are so many good sides of our relationship but there are so many bad sides, im not suhre if i love him any more, i dont know what to think anymore, i love him with ll my heart but i dont know, i am realy confused, i know you only live once, he is the sort of guy i want to marry and had kids with and grow old with but at the moment i look at to many other guys and have a ""crush on them and want to get in the sack with them" when me and my bf broke up for 3 months i only had sex with one other guy afew times and he ended up treating me like caca and i just dontknow, i want to b able to go to my mates house and get drunk and have fun and hook up with who i am attracted to like any 18 year old and not feel guilty but i guess you cant have everything, what do i do, tell him i want a break or what, other thing, he has no where to go, his mother if drug messed health forum and i hate her and she hates me but we dont act like it infront of my bf, and he has no one else, he has no one and in a way i feel sorry for him, ,my mum has seriously givin him a roof over his head and food in his stomach and we r living in the same room and i just dont know, i could go on for ever but medical question, plz help me, HELP ME. i will b forever in your debt, tell me what to do, thats all i need guidence, adice, knowledge of a wise one lo, sorry but thnks for your time love me xoxoxoox

Replies(13)

Tylanas

replied on May 4th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

Okay hun. First, are you or he out of highschool? Do you know what you want to do as far as a job? I think both you and he need to either go to college or gets jobs so you can start being real adults and support yourselves.

Him getting drunk once a week on fridays isn't a huge deal, but it can be an annoyance.

My question to you is... why don't you go out? Why don't you hang out with your friends? You said they were far away... Is there any groups you can join in your local area that are of interest to you? It sounds like you need to make new friends. Is your boyfriend angry when you go out?

You need to tally the good and bad points of your relationship. Don't just look at how many good vs bad things you have, but weigh how serious each of those things are. Maybe he makes you laugh, but if he's a drug dealer (just an example) no amount of laughs is going to make that okay.

I recently had a friend who was with a guy she'd been with for 6 years; more than all of highschool. She was very afraid to break up with him, but when she finally got down to it, to the core issues, she realised that she wasn't happy anymore. They broke up, and she has a new boyfriend, the guy who was just waiting there and she never knew. She is absolutely blissful now. She is so much happier.

If your boyfriend makes you sad and angry more than he makes you happy, then perhaps he's no longer the right person for you. You shouldn't keep dating him just because he has "no where to go". That's sacrificing your own happiness for no good reason. He sounds a bit loke a loser. I'm sure he has his good points but if he is unemployed, living at your mum's house, and getting drunk every week, well, that's just not good. That's not husband or father material.

Willa Weintraub

replied on May 4th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

I agree with ^^^^.He doens't sound like someone you would want to have children with.You need to worry about yo,not him.He is screwing things up so he can find a place to stay.basically it sounds like he is using this situation to his advantage!

*Vanessa*

replied on May 4th, 2007

Experienced User

hey guys thankz, he is employed $500 a week, he gets smashed at least twice a week, its no problem to me if he was drunk came home, passed out but... the thing is, we argue evrytime, he either gets in a huge fight or gets dropped off by the cops caz he was so drunk. i promise you im not one of those up tight prissy girls that has total control ofer her bf but i like to think about his safety and all that.

also i have a serious case of depression and im in that state that im like, what is the point of going to the doctors or the point of getting friends, im like a chik that has 5 close friends and fidns it hard to make any others, i have lost interest in everything and i do seriously think it is my fault our relationship is suffering, there is so much i want to say so i think im just going to talk to a councilor about it caz i dont want to write anymore....

Willa Weintraub

replied on May 4th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

*Vanessa* wrote:

talking to a councelor is a good idea.I don't think its your fault and you shouldn't either.you don't make him act that way.If your not happy it's because of him not you.good luck

paul995

replied on May 4th, 2007

Experienced User

i think it's not just you who's confused but also the guy. from the looks of it, i don't think it's a healthy relationship. give yourself some time to think about the relationhsip - if it's worth keeping or not. If you think it is, help your guy understand that you are, in fact, hurt with his drinking and all. Help him change. After all, that's what relationships are all about. You should not become stagnat. If you think there something wrong with your relationship, act on it before it gets worst. You don't want that to happen especially that you said you would like him to be your hubby and have children with someday. If all else fail, then it's time for you to bid goodbye. Initiate it yourself. If you think it's not healthy to continue anymore, have to courage to end it. Because you also have to think of yourself and not just him. If you think that both of you are not growing anymore as couples and individuals, then put a halt on it. But then again, it's your decision. Just decide wisely. Weigh things. And good luck!

*Vanessa*

replied on May 9th, 2007

Experienced User

thanks guys, i want to end it ut i dont.. im so confused like you wouldnt believe. We have been together for 2 years, through the good and the bad, and been best friends for the year before we got together. I love him like i love my mum, its just there... do you know what i mean, its there but i may not show it even no it will always be there, i dont know if this is normal or not? i want to be able to go to a friends party and have a good time and whatever happened happenes, and not have to worry about all that, but i just dont know. with his living situation, i am not only going out with him so he has a place, but the situation is, before i came along he wasl iving with his mum who is a drug attict and his mums abbusive boyfriend. but when by bf was still living with his mum after we went out the mum and boyfriend broke up and my mum took my bf sam and his mum in because she does that kind of thing, it was a huge mistake and sam's mum caused my mum some grief well alot of grief and my mum kicked her out, but sam stayed, that went on for a while, then me and my bf moved in with my bf's mum and caca hit the fan, she was always coming down from drugs and yelling at sam and i, i always tell sam i will support him in everything but i finally convinced him to move bak into my mums with me, she welcomed us with open arms, now he has his apprentiship up and running again and all that, but after we broke up for afew months 9afew months ago) i made myself think that this was forgood and tryed moving on, and did move on, now i love him but not the way i used to, he is sad caz i "yell" at him, i never show love, i am depressed may i add, i just no that if he has to move out of here is i dump him, then he will literally have no where to go, his mum is living with a drug dealer, and i seriously think i was sent to help him, he is the nicest kid in a medical question life and i helped him out through the ruff caca and now he has come out shinning. i dont want to dump him i just an really confused about my emotions and everything, i think it might be the depession.

i dont expect anyone to read this or reply i just sorta started writing.

Willa Weintraub

replied on May 10th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

I understand your worried about his living situation but its really not your problem sweetieI'm sure if he was worried about it that much he would show it.Think about this,do you want to live the rest of your life not being able to go out wioth your friends,not able to have fun but only to come home from work and wait for him to get home all wasted,and have to take care of him for the rest of your life?Maybe that is part of the reason your depressed?you already said you were able to move on once so I believe you can do it again.You seem like a very strong person and that is awesome!what helped me was thinking "do I want to live like this forever?" "what does my ideal realtionship sound like and what is this one?is this what I really *really* want?" just some things to think about.Please keep me updated!good luck with everything!

*Vanessa*

replied on June 12th, 2007

Experienced User

~*~Melissa~*~ wrote:

Im just venting, if you dont want to read i wont be offended, it makes me feel better!!

Hi, i know i posted this long ago but i didnt recieve an email for this answer and had no idea you sent it but i just read it then. i...dont know still, i really dont, i have gone so far down hill and i dont know what to do. i want to break up with him but we have some of the best days and some of the worst. yesterday he was at work and i called and everything was fine and then he got home and i was just in a sour mood and i was being a smartass to him and didnt want anything to do with him and i dont know why, everything he did pissed me off, then i thought..... wait he is getting angry at me because i am in a sourpuss mood and he started being a smartass back to me and annoying me even more, and he didnt even ask me what was wrong, like i dont know if im sposed to think that but yeah. i lost my job and it has been 6 months and i dont like leaving the house, is that weird, i dont have to motorvation to get another job, i went for an interview the other day and they turned me down and i think the way i think is that im scared of failing or being critersised so i dont try at all, i have been like that my whole life, it goes for everything, i dont want to go for a job caz im scared of being critersised or put down, i didnt do my homework or schoool work incase it was wrong and i dont talk about my feelings with anyone for the same reason. im scared one day, not exactly the near future, but one day im just going to go crazy. i am home along all day and its the way i like it, i have learned not to want to see people. i have been seriously thinking about going for a walk to the beach and hanging out there all night just to see what people do, and how they react when i return. no one knows im depressed as hell, i cant talk to my boyfriend about it caz he's mum is depresssed caz she is on drugs and has no where to live, and has had a bad life, same with him, he has had the worst ever life but he turned out fine!!! so to him, im living the life, i had a great childhood so i cant be depressed, i cant talk to him also caz the main problem is him and the other half is i dont want to lve where i am, i want to go back to the other side of australia with my best friends that i havnt seen for 3 years, they are my support. i still talk to them and they are still there for me even no i just abandoned them. i am seriously considering getting a job and enough money to get over there and get my own place or stay with my mate until i get a place, i think thats the only motorvation i have, but there is a problem. i am about 95% sure i am pregnant! if i was i would be 6 weeks but i havnt been able to test caz i cant tell anyone or buy a test caz i suck lol but yeah, im not talking to my dad because we clash but im concidering callin him bak up as i do every 6 months and saying im sorry because he is to stubborn, as i am.
i want to be strong, if i dont want to sit in a car listening to my boyfriend mother health forum about him then i want to be able to say im not standing for this and walk back inside but who knows what she would do to sam (bf) have a go at hime or i dunno.

thats all, i have been so good on not swearing whilst talking about my problems so go me yay! lol ok im sorry its long
ness
xox

Willa Weintraub

replied on June 12th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Well I read most of that and to me it sounds like you ned to go.You have so many things you need to work on to better *you* and you can't be with someone and be happy if you can't make yourself happy.know what I mean?It doesn't sound like he's helping much and it doesn't seem like he cares.You being a smartass and all sounds like your getting to your end with him where you just don't care anymore and your tired of holdig back.I know because thats how I felt.You need to get out there,make new friends,get a job and not feel bad for yourself.If you do things like this maybe your depression will start to slip away.Have you been to the doctor about it?It could be a chemical thing and not just you being depressed because of everyday things but it really sounds like you need a *huge* change in your life and get yourself together.I'm always here if you need to talk! Wink

*Vanessa*

replied on June 12th, 2007

Experienced User

last night he came up to me and hugged me and was like...what am i gunna do with you. As in not in an hmm how should i dump you but in the way your mum says to you when you are being a pain in the ass!!!
and he started askin me what i want in life and if i didnt know anybetter is sounded like....support? imust be crazy lol. but then he got angry at me this morning caz i forgot to make his lunch for work and i went down to make it and i was like what doyou want n he was like oh dw ill do it and i was like im here just tell me n he was like no dw i will n so i was like ok n went back upstaires only to find out he did want me to make it so i sed, well if you tell me you will do it and then get the *** when i dont caz you are its not fair. dont say the opposit and all this things so he went to work angry at me agen....
and way.. melissa...i havnt been to the doctor and that what i hope one day it will do, slip away. im going for a job today so wish me luck ey.

it is really hard to think and come to terms with thinking about dumping him and all, he is the first love of my life and i lost my virginity to him so its harder than just thinkin another will come along caz he also started sayin what do you want from me as a husband and what kind of wife do you want to be. ahhh!!!!
what do i say to that, im not scared of comittment but i just didnt know what to say.
last night was the first night in a week prolly we actually chilled out together and hugged with out having sex, lol, btw i never sed he didnt try!!!

vanessa

Willa Weintraub

replied on June 13th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Just because he asked you what you want from him as a husband doesn't mean he will be what you want/need. Yeah maybe for a second it sounded like he cared about what you want but he still acts like a jerk to you for no reason.He can't make his own lunch?He has 2 hands,let him do it.Thats no reason to be upset with you! the bad just seems to outweigh the good and thats not a good thing to have in a relationship.

*Vanessa*

replied on June 13th, 2007

Experienced User

Melissa you dont understand how much i needed this conversation lol, thank you.

Its hard, its really hard.
i have been thinking so much and its hurts Sad

lol ouch. yesterday he got home and i sat him down. i told i am going to change. i am getting a job and i ahve decided to study journalism, its not what u no its who u no right, well my mum works at the local newspaper and she knows like 200 journalists lol. i also said to him that we arnt going to argue anymore, we are going to sit down and talk about how we feel. i put it all out ont he table and he took it. I made some goals for my self and i told them to him. i said so much and let it all out and it ameks me feel so much beter. then he told me that when he got home from work he was going to get a caravan because he thought we needed time apart or something like that and before i sat him down and told him that im going to change and he is going to change his ways and all that. now that we have worked im going to see how it goes and if it goes all cockeye then its going to be over. he is 18, and you dont find many 18 year olds that you want to be with but he is a catch so im just going to take it as it comes. if it doesnt work then its over.

i really appreciate your help Mel. i really needed it. i ket all my feeling and emotions out to strangers, because i feel most comfortable. i would never have discusted all this with anyone else. thats why im concidering seeing a counsilor caz i no i would be able to say everything i feel, and not feel judged. my family have pushed me to tell me how i feel and all that but i cant, it forces me to tears and in a way i wish i could but i cant!!

thanks again. but dont stop talking to me, i like it lol, tell me about you or comment back about this post.

Willa Weintraub

replied on June 14th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

You know what,it's absolutly *no* problem.You seem like an awesome person and you deserve that in return girl! Pm me and we can talk more! Wink

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