I feel so depressed. I'm 23 years old. the
first time I tried to have sex was when i
was 19, I failed, I had strong erections
but lost them while putting a condom on.
On the second time i was using Cialis, it
didn't help. It happend two times with
that girl. Theb half a year later I tried
with another girl and without a condom, I
failed again, my penis went limb and felt
numb. And again I tried Cialis which
helped me to keep erection during oral sex
but I didn't orgasm and didn't try
intercourse. Then after that I haven't
tried to have sex for 3 years. I have gone
to bed with a girl and always found an
excuse (i'm too tired, i'm drunk etc) last
night again I decided to give it a go. I
felt good erections when kissing the girl
when we were standing and clothes on In
bed i felt my heart starting to beat like
hell, I felt tired, confused, I just
wanted to run home and hide and that's
what I did. I said i'm too tired and it
wouldn't work out, once again i saw the
confusion in the girls face but there was
nothing i could do, no way could i have an
intercourse. Its such and incredible pain
i'm feeling. I've gone to the doctor with
this problem once, my test level were
normal, he prescribed me Cialis. But the
problems remained. I usually masturbate
daily, i feel good erections then but
mostly before orgasm. I think my body is
used to masturbation to visual stimulis
and cant enjoy normal sex anymore? Right
now i fee like I have zero sex drive and
that I'll never ever going to try having
sex again. I feel very incredibly low, no
appetite no nothing :S didn't sleep last
night. I keep thinking about the girl who
I let down and what if my friends find out
about this etc. I'd just wanan run far far
away and become a monk or smth. I just
felt i had to share share my feeling with
somebody, it's so damn hard keeping it in.
I have nobody to talk to about these
problem, I feel alone with it...
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Stan
Moderator
Joined: 01 Jan 2006 Posts: 1652 Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 05-01-07 10:12am
It sounds like you have some chemical
problems there, likely brought on by poor
diet and health. I do not suggest taking
a medication like that unless you have a
serious problem related to the
physiology of the penis, not
something that may be mental related.
It's obviously an anxiety problem, but
likely caused by inner chemical
disturbances that are best corrected with
healthy living. To start, my
recommendation is to always try first
something called saw palmetto. Get it in
capsule form and try that for a week or
so. There are no side effects and it
should increase your erection potential,
sex drive and overall sexual health. If
not, there is something you need to change
in your lifestyle to correct this.
Erections get stronger just before orgasm
so the semen achieves maximum distance
(speaking of biology).
Last edited by Stan on 05-02-07 11:05am; edited 1 time in total
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Llewellyn
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jan 2007 Posts: 1743 Location: NY
Posted: 05-01-07 13:00pm
If your doctor said you seem to be healthy
and able to get erections, you could try a
therapist. You are certainly not alone
here. A lot of men are in this same
situation. It is often psychological,
especially if you find that you are
getting morning erections and are able to
keep an erection during masturbation.
People with this problem often to do well
in therapy.
Don't worry about what your friends think.
If they tease you or think it's weird,
then maybe they're not very good friends.
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HealthySex
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jan 2007 Posts: 414
Posted: 05-02-07 08:35am
Sounds like you're normal, but you freaked
out a little too much. The very second
time you tried to have sex you were on a
prescription ED drug? That sounds drastic
and it sounds like your doctor is just
handing them out. It's a drug for ED,
which you don't have. You're able to
achieve erections when masturbating and
even with girls, and the doctors check up
was normal, you don't have ED.
You're problem seems to be psychological.
Healthy living, diet, and exercise are
great for that like Stan mentioned. You
could also go to a therapist like
Llewellyn mentioned, if it's a real big
problem for you. Do you have anxiety in
general, or only in this situation? If in
general, then you should probably seek
help from a therapist or your doctor. I
had anxiety as a result of a stressful
health condition and was given
anti-anxiety and anti-depressant meds. I
wanted off so I used the program you see
advertised in infomercials late at night
for Attacking Anxiety And Depression. It
works well, and is the most natural as it
only involves changing your thoughts,
exercising and removing some bad things
from your diet. I also found Amoryn and
Serodyn, natural products, work great as
well without the side effects of the
prescription drugs.
If your anxiety is only in these sexual
situations, then talk with a therapist or
sexual therapist could help. However, you
might not need that. Like I said before,
you sound normal, you just freaked. You
worried about ED, because you lost your
erection your first time. Guess what,
that's normal. Many men have some
difficulty with erections their first few
times with a new woman. Erections may be
weaker, fade quickly, or even leave. The
trick is not to worry about it, but that's
easier said than done right. If it
happens, be honest with the girl, let her
know you might just be a little nervous
and this happens naturally as a result.
Then do something else such as please her
and she'll have a good time. Sooner or
later you'll feel more comfortable with
her, she won't abandon you because of it,
and you won't have the problem anymore.
You don't want to sit there and try to get
an erection from touching yourself, or
having her do it if it's not working.
Erections come from arousal and the mind,
so over stimulation would only make you
worry about it more when you see that it's
not working.
If it helps you can build a relationship
before you even get to sex and it'd be
easier to explain, because you care about
each other. However, if I were you I'd
bite the bullet and go back to the girl
you had problems with recently. Whether
you want to explain why beforehand, or
just put yourself into the sexual
situation and see what happens, is up to
you. If it doesn't happen, you're good, if
it does, you can explain it then. Nerves
can definitely effect erections, even if
you feel calm. The good thing is, nerves
settle. Sometimes in one session,
sometimes after several times and you get
to know each other better, what to do,
etc. I also find honesty to settle nerves.
If you're hiding you're feelings, you're
inside yourself worrying, wondering what's
wrong, wondering what she's thinking. If
you talk about it, you'll see her calm and
accepting response and that should calm
you. You'll probably also find that she
was worried too, thinking it was her, and
in effect you'll be calming both of you.
So try not to worry about, talk to her
about it, be honest and if it happens
continue on and have fun other ways.
Staring at your penis, concentrating on
getting erections and stimulating just
doesn't always work. Letting yourself
relax and casually thinking about things
that arouse you do often work. Such as
watching her, looking at her body,
thinking about what you want to do to her,
how it's gonna feel, etc. Just don't
concentrate on it like you're trying to
get an erection. The erection is what
happens, it's not what you're aiming for.
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problemman7
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 May 2007 Posts: 2
Posted: 05-02-07 10:31am
thx I do find your posts very helpful,
especially yours "Healthysex" I'm actually
in a very good shape physically, I work
out many times a week. And my diet
should be ok as well, i eat 5 good meals a
day. But yes i think i have some mental
problems, i often feel anxious, tired,
indifferent, i'm pretty sure I have some
form of depression. I usually wake up
tired, which i know is a bad sign. But I
think it has been like this for most of my
life. I sort of cope with everything but
this sex issue seems too hard to overcome.
I've heard that anti-depressants could
kill the libido, so that wouldn't be good
for me. But yeah, I think the only chance
for me is to talk to the girl about my
issue.. that should calm me. Thx again
for your thoughts.
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HealthySex
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jan 2007 Posts: 414
Posted: 05-18-07 12:19pm
Glad to help and hop you've talked to the
girl about it.
For people who have relatively healthy
lifestyles (exercise, diet with fruits and
vegetables, low on sugar/caffeine),
sometimes just adding an Omega 3
supplement can be a great benefit to
relieving depression/anxiety.
Also, sunlight and full-spectrum light
bulbs for in the house could help.
Negative Ion generator could help. Or EMF
blocker. There's really a million things
that improve health, so start with diet
(including/excluding things), then Omega
3.
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stayahead
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Apr 2007 Posts: 4 Location: UK
Posted: 05-18-07 14:06pm
You are probably suffering from
performance anxiety.
I have some experience with this also.
The problem is, that because you had
problems maintaining an erection during
your first sexual experience, in your mind
you have built up that failure to be a
huge thing. Then everytime you have tried
to have sex since, you are constantly
worrying about that previous encounter.
Worrying, that the same thing will happen.
It sounds so similar to what I have
experienced. Unfortunately it is a bit of
a downwards spiral, because its like a
self-fulfilling prophercy. You think you
will have a problem maintaining an
erection during intercourse, and then
ultimately you do.
If you have tried Cialis and it didn't
make much difference you can probably rule
out a physical problem. This sounds like
its psychological. In other words, its in
your head. Like I said before, I know
something about this, because I have the
exact same problem. And your symptoms and
the way you talk about it is very
similar.
Unfortunately I do not know of any way to
really solve this problem. One thing that
may help however, is being with a partner
that you can be really honest and open
with. Build up a lot of confidence and
trust with that person. Talk to them about
them about the problem, and that might
rebuild your confidence. One thing I am
finding out though, from these forums and
such, is that this problem seems to be
alot more common that I thought. So at
least you are not alone in this one.
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bliss10
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 5
Posted: 05-25-07 05:36am
Oh my God, I feel so sorry for you. I
guess you are having some erectile
problem. I read about a syringe called Caverject
which helps in these situations. You need
to give it a try.
