I need help.

My wife and I are both 22 and we are both virgins. We've been married about two weeks and we are still unable to have sex. I would like to preface this topic by stating that this does not bother me. Maybe it's only because I haven't had sex yet and I "don't know what I'm missing" but I really couldn't care less if we had sex or not. What bothers me is that my wife does want to have sex, but we are just unable to do so and I am willing to do anything to make her happy.

There are several aspects to our problem that make it, well, unique. I don't mean to brag, but from what I have read, heard, and been told I am at the larger end of the spectrum in regards to men and she is at the smaller end of the spectrum for women. While she is a good 5'6"; she finds that her vagina is rather small and extremely sensitive. She had her first pap smear about a month ago and the experience was painful for her. She also finds direct contact with her hymen, in any form, painful - painful to the point where she wants to stop and cry. There is also further complications due to a traumatic event in her youth that makes her feel guilty, ashamed, and embarrassed whenever she finds herself in any form of sexual context (she has seen help for this in the very recent past, but for the last couple months we haven't had the time or money). So while starting up usually isn't the problem, once anything painful happens her emotions flip-flop so horribly bad that she gets the feeling that I am violating her (she tells me she knows I am not, but I can see what she is feeling in her eyes and I always stop).

We, both being rather shy especially on the subject, had taken, rather reluctantly, the advice of family members, friends, and doctors and had tried to take several precautions. We've tried lubricants (particularly of the KY variety) and have tried several positions but nothing seems to work. On about the third night of our honeymoon she conveyed that she didn't care about the pain and wanted to get it over with all at once. She bore the pain and I was able to penetrate with my crown but nothing further before it was too much for her. At the time we thought we had made progress, due to actual penetration, but since then once again any contact with that area causes extreme pain for her and I am unable to reach similar results. It also seems as if the hymen is still partially intact, although smaller than before.

So now that, more or less, the problem is out I need help with what I can do to help her get through this. We've found that on her back is the best way and with her legs slightly elevated and brought up, almost to a slouching position, is the most comfortable and easiest way to go (at least for her which is what's important). I just need helps or suggestions on how to get past this. Are there better positions? Techniques? (I am a bit embarrassed to admit this, but remember I am a virgin) proper angles of penetration? Perhaps suggestions that one wouldn't think of? I have thrown out the idea of having a drink or two with dinner to help dull her nerves and pain but she is completely against this. Her doctors have told her she was fine physically down there so it sounds like it's just something we have to get through on our own.

Please help.