I'm Not One of Those Strong Military Wives.... Posted: 04-28-07 14:55pm
You always hear how these military wives
are soo strong and get through the
deployments while there husbands are a way
and that our job is the toughest but we
get through. I dont think im one of those
people, he hasnt even left yet and im
having a hard time coping , the closer it
gets i think the more anxiety attacks i
will have, then when he actually leaves is
a whole nother story, i finally told him
tonight about the anxiety attack, i didnt
want to but i did, idont want him worrying
about my wellbeing he has ajob to perform
especially more so when hes in afghanistan
he doesnt need to worry if im ok he has a
job at hand a dangerous job they have to
be mentally healthy to do. SUcks how the
military does things, i talked to him for
an hr today! But he says he thinks he
comes home for a day then in the field
again for 3 days , if he even comes home,
hes gonna try and call tomorow to let me
know whats going on. Sucks they leave in a
few mths away from family to fight a war
yet the time before they leave they are
working so much u hardly see them but he
says they get like 2 weeks leave before
they go so hes gonna make them the best 2
weeks of our life . Im a crazy haha,
im just like mentally unstable in my
opinion and it sucks. i thought before i
could handle him going to war but now that
reality is hitting i dont think well i
know im not gonna handle it as best as i
thought, and i knew marrying him and when
he joined that things like this are gonna
happen its inevitable. Whats stupid is
they switched him to a diff company to go
to afghanistan then when he comes back he
goes back to his old company. But they
wanna send the best men they got down
there thats why some people switched
companies. I just think its retarded.
Right now im having alil anxiety but
nothing bad just eh talking to him about
all of it is making me anxious.
|
Idony
Supporter
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 1611 Location: virginia beach, va usa
Thanks: 11
Thanked:0
Posted: 04-28-07 15:11pm
the only military people ive ever known
(wives, kids, parents, family, friends,
themselves, etc) that are *that* strong to
not worry are those who dont care about
their wellbeing, their familys wellbeing
or anyone elses
most people hate it, and thats fine, its
how its supose to be, but they go, and we
all manage, most of the time the ones you
see who are just fine are faking it
because tehy think thats how they are
supose to act, they think if they dont act
like that they will let everyone down and
they cant do that so they suck it up when
around people and completly break down at
home...trust me ive seen quite a few of
the break downs
you dont have to be strong, you dont have
to be brave, you dont have to be happy
about the situation, you just have to
accept it
dont be so hard on yourself, no one wants
the person they love to go off to a
dangerous place where they have a higher
possiblitity of dying
talk to your doctor about getting on some
meds for your anxiety if you dont think
youll be able to controle it
like ive said, my dh is leaving around the
same time as yours, ive been scared out of
my mind, and so has he, its something that
is hard to deal with, if you ever need any
help or anything just feel free to pm me
ok
yeah i know, but im one of those people
that would prob break down in the grocery
store or something i think, and i notice
my old friend doesnt care to much for her
hubby cuz of stuff that happeend right
befor ehe left so shes been going out to
clubs etc and not worrying about her
husband much. Its just worse being alone
when he isnt here, i dont want to scare
him though, he was saying i dont want u to
have a mental break down, well neither do
i lol.
Im not sure about talking to the dr, maybe
if i can call and get a diff person then
that stupid indian guy i might be able to
, i seriously think he hates me. I just
cant deal with anxiety attacks and mental
breakdowns when i will be alone with 2
children, im not sure if they would give
me meds unless i lie and say ive been
having anxiety attacks , not that i just
had one, but seriously i know i will have
more and i will end up in deep depression
and just not be a happy person so i sorta
know i needs meds etc.
I know jasons scared to go, hes afraid of
dying , wich normal people would be, but
he knew what he signed up for too and in a
way he wants to go because he wants to be
able to say he served a purpose and he
helped ya know , i dunno if that makes
sense. he doesnt just wanna sit back and
train train train and not help fight the
war. He was like repeat after me tis all
gonna be ok when iw as on the phone with
him , im like i know it is just at the
same time i cant help my mind.
|
princessnae
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Apr 2007 Posts: 90
My Boyfriend Is Also In the Military Posted: 04-28-07 15:41pm
My boyfriend is in the navy and will be
going out on deployment sometime this
coming year. So I know exactly what you
are going through. Right now he is across
the country from me. I get all anxious
too, ecspecially if I haven't talked to
him. So I know when he's out on the boat
for 6-8 months at time and all I get is an
email every once in a while I'll probably
go out of my mind, again. So you are not
crazy or alone, there are many of us.
This is what I did for the last cruise
which really helped me.
First I keep a journal to him, so even
when I don't physically talk to him I'm
still talking to him.
Second I joined support group for spouses
of military personal. It really helped
and I formed a circle of friends that we
could all share information.
I also joined different organizations
joined a gym, volunteered, church, ect....
I know alot of what I did was time
consuming and you many not have as much
time but if you do a search online you can
find online support groups as well. I
just tried to do anything to keep my mind
occupied.
I do agree with talking with a Dr. and yes
do yourself a huge favor and try and find
a better Dr. I know how having a Dr. that
doesn't believe you can be so frustrating
and hinders you from getting the help that
you need. I am going through the same
thing.
And by the way about the meds... I have a
close family friend on anti-depressents
and a single mother. But each person is
different. Meds may or may not be your
best option (depending on your situation,
and I don't know much about it) but
definately a counselor can help give you
the skills to handle your anxiety.
Good luck and I will pray for you husband
and his safe return.
aww thanks, yeah i know they have support
groups etc but its hard to get involved
with 2 kids under 2. For some reason i
think they are safer on there boats then
on the dry land lol, i dunno prob the same
amount of danger but to me it seems safer
lol. when my husband was away at basic i
wrote him sometimes 2 letters a day, he
saved all the ones i wrote and is aved all
his too and now looking i wrote ALOT. so i
know once he has an adress to get mail out
i will be sending out alot of letters and
cards and packages. They get phone calls
over there, the reception sucks though at
times u cant hear a thing btu they also
have computers so they can like use yahoo
and stuff to talk to family. but when u
go so many days withouth hearing from them
then you worry even though they have
missions they cant tell you about until
after it has happened, so u spend like 3
days worrying about em.
|
princessnae
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Apr 2007 Posts: 90
I Totally Know What You Mean Posted: 04-28-07 15:51pm
Yea it may seem safer until he tells me
that they are looking to cross train him
into another field like the army or
marines... so I feel ya there. When they
are out on the boat they can only call
like once a month or two. And the
internet gets cut off pretty often.
i wish you the best ecspecially with the
two kids... How long is going to be gone..
do they know yet?
Re: I Totally Know What You Mean Posted: 04-28-07 15:53pm
princessnae
wrote:
Yea it may seem safer until
he tells me that they are looking to cross
train him into another field like the army
or marines... so I feel ya there. When
they are out on the boat they can only
call like once a month or two. And the
internet gets cut off pretty often.
i wish you the best ecspecially with the
two kids... How long is going to be gone..
do they know
yet?
from what i hear from everyone its only an
8 mth deployment my sisters husband is
army and in iraq right now , hes involved
in that extension over there to wich
sucks. 8 mths is still pretty long though
and when u want time to fly it usually
goes realyl slow.
|
Idony
Supporter
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 1611 Location: virginia beach, va usa
Thanks: 11
Thanked:0
Posted: 04-28-07 16:03pm
diane, the point is you dont have to be
strong, go ahead, dont be afraid to break
down in the grocery store, or anywhere, if
itll help it doesnt matter, and dont let
people putyou down for it, its not
something that is easy and its not
something mos people have to deal with,
not many know how it is really
to me its mixed which is better, my dh is
navy too but hes land based, hes been on
boats a couple times but when do goes out
in july he will be on land, to me the
boats seem safer, but its also harder,
they dont get to call as much and they
dont get internet (at least he never does,
how does your boyfriend get internet? ive
never heard of that before) so its really
a lose lose situation
why does your boyfriend only get to call
once a month? is it because you arent
married or because your long distance? my
dh calls me daily when hes on a boat, only
problem is the reception sucks and i miss
like half of what he says and the other
half he has to shout at the top of his
lungs
i wish they could give more deffinant
times, dh is gone for at lest 6 monthes,
but probably longer, they told him 6 to 9
monthes, or more....really helpful, bleh
i hate not having a def time. at first
they were saying 4-6 mths then 9-12 mths
but my old friend her hubby left january
and comes back august, hubby leaves july
cuz hes taking there spot and alot that
have been and back already said 8 mths ,
one of his friends who told me its 8 mths
was there and got shot in the leg but hes
fine, the scar looks nasty and he doesnt
have complete use of the muscle in that
leg but hes alive and well.
|
princessnae
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Apr 2007 Posts: 90
Yea On the Boat Posted: 04-28-07 16:29pm
He gets to write and recieve emails most
of the time. And the receptions horrible
with the phone and it cost so much...
He's going on a different boat this time
so maybe it will be different.
And i totally agree with idony. Its
completely fine to break down have your
moments. Don't let yourself be get down,
you do not have to be strong all the time.
But are stronger than you think you are.
Well I am here if you ever want to chat or
need support. Pm me anytime..
i just wish he was home from the field
already they might keep em
out there rather then them coming back for
just one day to go back out for 3 days. He
hasnt called yet to let me know whats up ,
he has to borrow someone elses phone since
he didnt bring the charger for his so its
dead. It wont be so bad when my parents
get here although he couldnt get timem off
cuz of training to leave etc and we have
no money to do much of anything so i kinda
feel bad they are flying all the way here
and we cant really go out and do much at
all. But we are all gonna talk about what
im gonna do when he leaves etc and how its
all gonna work out. But i know i need to
go back to the states but at the same time
i really dont want to fly alone with 2
kids right before he leaves for war. i
just feel lost and confused right now
about what im gonna do and i want him to
be home even if its just for one day. hes
only been gone since monday and it sorta
feels like forever , even when hes gone
for a lil while it feels so weird when he
comes back cuz i sorta get used to him
being in the field, in march he was gone
for 3 weeks and came back for 2 weeks and
is now gone again wich is altogether gonna
be a week and a half. I think from now
till he goes hes prob gonna be working on
weekends as well wich sucks even more. We
will hardly see eachother besides to sit
down for an hr or 2 eat dinner , get the
kids ready for bed etc then go to bed, so
it sucks
|
meggan
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Nov 2005 Posts: 490 Location: westchester
Re: I'm Not One of Those Strong Military Wives.... Posted: 04-29-07 15:34pm
tinkinpink84
wrote:
You always hear how these
military wives are soo strong and get
through the deployments while there
husbands are a way and that our job is the
toughest but we get through. I dont think
im one of those people, he hasnt even left
yet and im having a hard time coping , the
closer it gets i think the more anxiety
attacks i will have, then when he actually
leaves is a whole nother story, i finally
told him tonight about the anxiety attack,
i didnt want to but i did, idont want him
worrying about my wellbeing he has ajob to
perform especially more so when hes in
afghanistan he doesnt need to worry if im
ok he has a job at hand a dangerous job
they have to be mentally healthy to do.
SUcks how the military does things, i
talked to him for an hr today! But he says
he thinks he comes home for a day then in
the field again for 3 days , if he even
comes home, hes gonna try and call tomorow
to let me know whats going on. Sucks they
leave in a few mths away from family to
fight a war yet the time before they leave
they are working so much u hardly see them
but he says they get like 2 weeks leave
before they go so hes gonna make them the
best 2 weeks of our life . Im a crazy haha,
im just like mentally unstable in my
opinion and it sucks. i thought before i
could handle him going to war but now that
reality is hitting i dont think well i
know im not gonna handle it as best as i
thought, and i knew marrying him and when
he joined that things like this are gonna
happen its inevitable. Whats stupid is
they switched him to a diff company to go
to afghanistan then when he comes back he
goes back to his old company. But they
wanna send the best men they got down
there thats why some people switched
companies. I just think its retarded.
Right now im having alil anxiety but
nothing bad just eh talking to him about
all of it is making me
anxious.
Being a military wife is hard.. but it
does get easier with time.. my husband is
on deployment right now.. he left his son
5 days after he was born.. NOw his son is
2 1/2 months old.. lol.. So i know its def
hard on him!
As far as anxiety it should get easier
once he leaves.. It will be so hard the
first few days and then slowly get easier
from their! Im so sorry to hear this is
happening!
The thing is to help with the time is to
keep yourself busy and have someone to
talk to whether it be a counsler or a
friend! Plan activities with the kids and
do things for yourself.. each night plan
out daily things to do for the next day!
Pamper yourself with a massage or
something once in a while. The first time
that Don left i cried for a month.
everytime i saw his clothes etc. It truly
killed me inside. It personally felt like
he had died because im not allowed any
contact what so ever. You cant contact
submarines! lol.. Once in a while i would
get a letter and that would make me break
down for a lil bit but it toughened me for
the next letter! But with time and keeping
busy i made it through!
I know i cant take away the pain you are
going through. I cant even imagine how you
feel but if you ever need another military
wife to talk to i am here! You can PM me
if you would like!
I wish you the best.. You are a strong
mommy and will do it! I cant bet you that!
Just remember you are stronger then you
think!
|
yellow ribbon
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Dec 2005 Posts: 5554 Location: FL
Re: My Boyfriend Is Also In the Military Posted: 04-29-07 21:46pm
princessnae
wrote:
My boyfriend is in the navy
and will be going out on deployment
sometime this coming year. So I know
exactly what you are going through.
omg are you kidding me? you have no idea
what its like. being a girlfriend and
being a wife with kids is ssssoooo
different. how long have you and your bf
been together? aand you dont know where
and if hes going yet. i cant stand lil
girlfriend who think they know all about
the navy or military life. its different
when you are married and live together and
have children together like the rest of
us!!!
and diane i added you to aim i just havent
imed you yet, i too am to much of a
basket case to talk about the deployment
at hand. mine is macysmama204 if you wanna
talk about othr stuff than that. and i
hahve xanax and its wonderful for atacks,
in fact i need one right now im so pissed
from the above poster. it reminds me of
all the little b*tches i see come thru
here that freak from not being able to
talk to their boyfriends for 10 weeks.
|
yellow ribbon
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Dec 2005 Posts: 5554 Location: FL
Posted: 04-29-07 21:54pm
ok maybe i overreacted cuz all i saw was
the boyfriend part and that set me off i
see now youve been toghter thru a
deployment so iguess youve been together a
while, i live where navy boot camp is so i
see a lot of lil girls come thru saying
how much they missed their boyfriend yet
they are doing it ppl on the side, its ppl
like that that ruin sh*t. i hate ppl...
especially insurgents and those other
dumbsses. my husband is leaving for iraq
at the end of may and leaving behind me
and two young children and i just dont
feel you get the full effect until youve
lived together and are married and
completely commited
yeah , when me and jason were apart and
not living in the same house it is like
alot easier then living together for so
long then him leaving cuz im used to him
being in the house and stuff, he go to
come home last night wich was good , h
emight coem home tonight i dont know but i
hope so cuz he took my shoe lace out of my
tennis shoe! and i want it back lol i dont
feel like wearing my flip flops if i go
anywhere. we didnt talk about much last
night, we will more when my parents are
here and stuff when he has more time to
talk about it.
. Im a crazy haha,
im just like mentally unstable in my
opinion and it sucks. i thought before i
could handle him going to war but now that
reality is hitting i dont think well i
know im not gonna handle it as best as i
thought, and i knew marrying him and when
he joined that things like this are gonna
happen its inevitable. Whats stupid is
they switched him to a diff company to go
to afghanistan then when he comes back he
goes back to his old company. But they
wanna send the best men they got down
there thats why some people switched
companies. I just think its retarded.
Right now im having alil anxiety but
nothing bad just eh talking to him about
all of it is making me anxious.
they might keep em
out there rather then them coming back for
just one day to go back out for 3 days. He
hasnt called yet to let me know whats up ,
he has to borrow someone elses phone since
he didnt bring the charger for his so its
dead. It wont be so bad when my parents
get here although he couldnt get timem off
cuz of training to leave etc and we have
no money to do much of anything so i kinda
feel bad they are flying all the way here
and we cant really go out and do much at
all. But we are all gonna talk about what
im gonna do when he leaves etc and how its
all gonna work out. But i know i need to
go back to the states but at the same time
i really dont want to fly alone with 2
kids right before he leaves for war. i
just feel lost and confused right now
about what im gonna do and i want him to
be home even if its just for one day. hes
only been gone since monday and it sorta
feels like forever , even when hes gone
for a lil while it feels so weird when he
comes back cuz i sorta get used to him
being in the field, in march he was gone
for 3 weeks and came back for 2 weeks and
is now gone again wich is altogether gonna
be a week and a half. I think from now
till he goes hes prob gonna be working on
weekends as well wich sucks even more. We
will hardly see eachother besides to sit
down for an hr or 2 eat dinner , get the
kids ready for bed etc then go to bed, so
it sucks