Pregnancy Community Chat Forum - I'm Not One of Those Strong Military Wives....

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Q: I'm Not One of Those Strong Military Wives....

asked by: tinkinpink84 on April 28th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

You always hear how these military wives are soo strong and get through the deployments while there husbands are a way and that our job is the toughest but we get through. I dont think im one of those people, he hasnt even left yet and im having a hard time coping , the closer it gets i think the more anxiety attacks i will have, then when he actually leaves is a whole nother story, i finally told him tonight about the anxiety attack, i didnt want to but i did, idont want him worrying about my wellbeing he has ajob to perform especially more so when hes in afghanistan he doesnt need to worry if im ok he has a job at hand a dangerous job they have to be mentally healthy to do. SUcks how the military does things, i talked to him for an hr today! But he says he thinks he comes home for a day then in the field again for 3 days , if he even comes home, hes gonna try and call tomorow to let me know whats going on. Sucks they leave in a few mths away from family to fight a war yet the time before they leave they are working so much u hardly see them but he says they get like 2 weeks leave before they go so hes gonna make them the best 2 weeks of our life Smile

. Im a crazy haha, im just like mentally unstable in my opinion and it sucks. i thought before i could handle him going to war but now that reality is hitting i dont think well i know im not gonna handle it as best as i thought, and i knew marrying him and when he joined that things like this are gonna happen its inevitable. Whats stupid is they switched him to a diff company to go to afghanistan then when he comes back he goes back to his old company. But they wanna send the best men they got down there thats why some people switched companies. I just think its retarded. Right now im having alil anxiety but nothing bad just eh talking to him about all of it is making me anxious.

Replies(14)

Idony

replied on April 28th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

the only military people ive ever known (wives, kids, parents, family, friends, themselves, etc) that are *that* strong to not worry are those who dont care about their wellbeing, their familys wellbeing or anyone elses

most people hate it, and thats fine, its how its supose to be, but they go, and we all manage, most of the time the ones you see who are just fine are faking it because tehy think thats how they are supose to act, they think if they dont act like that they will let everyone down and they cant do that so they suck it up when around people and completly break down at home...trust me ive seen quite a few of the break downs

you dont have to be strong, you dont have to be brave, you dont have to be happy about the situation, you just have to accept it

dont be so hard on yourself, no one wants the person they love to go off to a dangerous place where they have a higher possiblitity of dying

talk to your doctor about getting on some meds for your anxiety if you dont think youll be able to controle it

like ive said, my dh is leaving around the same time as yours, ive been scared out of my mind, and so has he, its something that is hard to deal with, if you ever need any help or anything just feel free to pm me ok

~alicia~

tinkinpink84

replied on April 28th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

yeah i know, but im one of those people that would prob break down in the grocery store or something i think, and i notice my old friend doesnt care to much for her hubby cuz of stuff that happeend right befor ehe left so shes been going out to clubs etc and not worrying about her husband much. Its just worse being alone when he isnt here, i dont want to scare him though, he was saying i dont want u to have a mental break down, well neither do i lol.
Im not sure about talking to the dr, maybe if i can call and get a diff person then that stupid indian guy i might be able to , i seriously think he hates me. I just cant deal with anxiety attacks and mental breakdowns when i will be alone with 2 children, im not sure if they would give me meds unless i lie and say ive been having anxiety attacks , not that i just had one, but seriously i know i will have more and i will end up in deep depression and just not be a happy person so i sorta know i needs meds etc.
I know jasons scared to go, hes afraid of dying , wich normal people would be, but he knew what he signed up for too and in a way he wants to go because he wants to be able to say he served a purpose and he helped ya know , i dunno if that makes sense. he doesnt just wanna sit back and train train train and not help fight the war. He was like repeat after me tis all gonna be ok when iw as on the phone with him , im like i know it is just at the same time i cant help my mind.

princessnae

replied on April 28th, 2007

Experienced User

My Boyfriend Is Also In the Military

My boyfriend is in the navy and will be going out on deployment sometime this coming year. So I know exactly what you are going through. Right now he is across the country from me. I get all anxious too, ecspecially if I haven't talked to him. So I know when he's out on the boat for 6-8 months at time and all I get is an email every once in a while I'll probably go out of my mind, again. So you are not crazy or alone, there are many of us.

This is what I did for the last cruise which really helped me.

First I keep a journal to him, so even when I don't physically talk to him I'm still talking to him.

Second I joined support group for spouses of military personal. It really helped and I formed a circle of friends that we could all share information.

I also joined different organizations joined a gym, volunteered, church, ect....

I know alot of what I did was time consuming and you many not have as much time but if you do a search online you can find online support groups as well. I just tried to do anything to keep my mind occupied.

I do agree with talking with a Dr. and yes do yourself a huge favor and try and find a better Dr. I know how having a Dr. that doesn't believe you can be so frustrating and hinders you from getting the help that you need. I am going through the same thing.

And by the way about the meds... I have a close family friend on anti-depressents and a single mother. But each person is different. Meds may or may not be your best option (depending on your situation, and I don't know much about it) but definately a counselor can help give you the skills to handle your anxiety.

Good luck and I will pray for you husband and his safe return.

tinkinpink84

replied on April 28th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

aww thanks, yeah i know they have support groups etc but its hard to get involved with 2 kids under 2. For some reason i think they are safer on there boats then on the dry land lol, i dunno prob the same amount of danger but to me it seems safer lol. when my husband was away at basic i wrote him sometimes 2 letters a day, he saved all the ones i wrote and is aved all his too and now looking i wrote ALOT. so i know once he has an adress to get mail out i will be sending out alot of letters and cards and packages. They get phone calls over there, the reception sucks though at times u cant hear a thing btu they also have computers so they can like use yahoo and stuff to talk to family. but when u go so many days withouth hearing from them then you worry even though they have missions they cant tell you about until after it has happened, so u spend like 3 days worrying about em.

princessnae

replied on April 28th, 2007

Experienced User

I Totally Know What You Mean

Yea it may seem safer until he tells me that they are looking to cross train him into another field like the army or marines... so I feel ya there. When they are out on the boat they can only call like once a month or two. And the internet gets cut off pretty often.

i wish you the best ecspecially with the two kids... How long is going to be gone.. do they know yet?

tinkinpink84

replied on April 28th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

Re: I Totally Know What You Mean

princessnae wrote:

from what i hear from everyone its only an 8 mth deployment my sisters husband is army and in iraq right now , hes involved in that extension over there to wich sucks. 8 mths is still pretty long though and when u want time to fly it usually goes realyl slow.

Idony

replied on April 28th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

diane, the point is you dont have to be strong, go ahead, dont be afraid to break down in the grocery store, or anywhere, if itll help it doesnt matter, and dont let people putyou down for it, its not something that is easy and its not something mos people have to deal with, not many know how it is really

to me its mixed which is better, my dh is navy too but hes land based, hes been on boats a couple times but when do goes out in july he will be on land, to me the boats seem safer, but its also harder, they dont get to call as much and they dont get internet (at least he never does, how does your boyfriend get internet? ive never heard of that before) so its really a lose lose situation

why does your boyfriend only get to call once a month? is it because you arent married or because your long distance? my dh calls me daily when hes on a boat, only problem is the reception sucks and i miss like half of what he says and the other half he has to shout at the top of his lungs

i wish they could give more deffinant times, dh is gone for at lest 6 monthes, but probably longer, they told him 6 to 9 monthes, or more....really helpful, bleh

~alicia~

tinkinpink84

replied on April 28th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

i hate not having a def time. at first they were saying 4-6 mths then 9-12 mths but my old friend her hubby left january and comes back august, hubby leaves july cuz hes taking there spot and alot that have been and back already said 8 mths , one of his friends who told me its 8 mths was there and got shot in the leg but hes fine, the scar looks nasty and he doesnt have complete use of the muscle in that leg but hes alive and well.

princessnae

replied on April 28th, 2007

Experienced User

Yea On the Boat

He gets to write and recieve emails most of the time. And the receptions horrible with the phone and it cost so much... He's going on a different boat this time so maybe it will be different.

And i totally agree with idony. Its completely fine to break down have your moments. Don't let yourself be get down, you do not have to be strong all the time. But are stronger than you think you are.

Well I am here if you ever want to chat or need support. Pm me anytime..

tinkinpink84

replied on April 29th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

i just wish he was home from the field already Sad

they might keep em out there rather then them coming back for just one day to go back out for 3 days. He hasnt called yet to let me know whats up , he has to borrow someone elses phone since he didnt bring the charger for his so its dead. It wont be so bad when my parents get here although he couldnt get timem off cuz of training to leave etc and we have no money to do much of anything so i kinda feel bad they are flying all the way here and we cant really go out and do much at all. But we are all gonna talk about what im gonna do when he leaves etc and how its all gonna work out. But i know i need to go back to the states but at the same time i really dont want to fly alone with 2 kids right before he leaves for war. i just feel lost and confused right now about what im gonna do and i want him to be home even if its just for one day. hes only been gone since monday and it sorta feels like forever , even when hes gone for a lil while it feels so weird when he comes back cuz i sorta get used to him being in the field, in march he was gone for 3 weeks and came back for 2 weeks and is now gone again wich is altogether gonna be a week and a half. I think from now till he goes hes prob gonna be working on weekends as well wich sucks even more. We will hardly see eachother besides to sit down for an hr or 2 eat dinner , get the kids ready for bed etc then go to bed, so it sucks

meggan

replied on April 29th, 2007

Experienced User

Re: I'm Not One of Those Strong Military Wives....

tinkinpink84 wrote:

Being a military wife is hard.. but it does get easier with time.. my husband is on deployment right now.. he left his son 5 days after he was born.. NOw his son is 2 1/2 months old.. lol.. So i know its def hard on him!

As far as anxiety it should get easier once he leaves.. It will be so hard the first few days and then slowly get easier from their! Im so sorry to hear this is happening!

The thing is to help with the time is to keep yourself busy and have someone to talk to whether it be a counsler or a friend! Plan activities with the kids and do things for yourself.. each night plan out daily things to do for the next day! Pamper yourself with a massage or something once in a while. The first time that Don left i cried for a month. everytime i saw his clothes etc. It truly killed me inside. It personally felt like he had died because im not allowed any contact what so ever. You cant contact submarines! lol.. Once in a while i would get a letter and that would make me break down for a lil bit but it toughened me for the next letter! But with time and keeping busy i made it through!

I know i cant take away the pain you are going through. I cant even imagine how you feel but if you ever need another military wife to talk to i am here! You can PM me if you would like!

I wish you the best.. You are a strong mommy and will do it! I cant bet you that! Just remember you are stronger then you think!

yellow ribbon

replied on April 29th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

Re: My Boyfriend Is Also In the Military

princessnae wrote:

My boyfriend is in the navy and will be going out on deployment sometime this coming year. So I know exactly what you are going through.

omg are you kidding me? you have no idea what its like. being a girlfriend and being a wife with kids is ssssoooo different. how long have you and your bf been together? aand you dont know where and if hes going yet. i cant stand lil girlfriend who think they know all about the navy or military life. its different when you are married and live together and have children together like the rest of us!!!

and diane i added you to aim i just havent imed you yet, i too am to much of a basket case to talk about the deployment at hand. mine is macysmama204 if you wanna talk about othr stuff than that. and i hahve xanax and its wonderful for atacks, in fact i need one right now im so pissed from the above poster. it reminds me of all the little b*tches i see come thru here that freak from not being able to talk to their boyfriends for 10 weeks.

yellow ribbon

replied on April 29th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

ok maybe i overreacted cuz all i saw was the boyfriend part and that set me off i see now youve been toghter thru a deployment so iguess youve been together a while, i live where navy boot camp is so i see a lot of lil girls come thru saying how much they missed their boyfriend yet they are doing it ppl on the side, its ppl like that that ruin sh*t. i hate ppl... especially insurgents and those other dumbsses. my husband is leaving for iraq at the end of may and leaving behind me and two young children and i just dont feel you get the full effect until youve lived together and are married and completely commited

tinkinpink84

replied on April 30th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

yeah , when me and jason were apart and not living in the same house it is like alot easier then living together for so long then him leaving cuz im used to him being in the house and stuff, he go to come home last night Smile

wich was good , h emight coem home tonight i dont know but i hope so cuz he took my shoe lace out of my tennis shoe! and i want it back lol i dont feel like wearing my flip flops if i go anywhere. we didnt talk about much last night, we will more when my parents are here and stuff when he has more time to talk about it.

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