I am 23. I cut myself for 5 years now. But
I have stopped for almost 1 year and a
half. Lately I feel the same, old urges
again and again. I started cutting all
over again.
A year ago a fellow student died of
cancer. It was a great shock for me. She
was so young. So full of life. Since then
I feel like crap. Day by day I m losing my
mind, my willing to live, to study and so
on.
About 2 months ago I started
psychotherapy. It took me a great deal of
time to find the right doctor for me.
Still I dont know if it will help me. I
dont feel much difference till now. But I
came up with that thought.
For me cutting is strongly related with
sexual compulsion. I ve never had sex till
now. It is quiet embarrasing. It feels
like a "disease". "i m not attractive". "i
m not pretty". These thoughts are haunting
me... I kinda hat emy body. And by cutting
or burning it I feel relieved.
Anyone with the same thoughts??
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louieann34
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 95 Location: Philippines
Posted: 04-30-07 10:09am
Dearest Vassiliki,
I mayself also felt depress..Actually many
people like us felt this too...But I will
never do that to myself...Vassiliki if
anything turns out to be wrong in your
life, dont give girl, you are much
stronger than that..Stop hurting yourself,
there is someone you cares for you, and
will always care for you..He is just a
pray away...Seek for His guidance, seek
for His help...He is just wating for you
to come to Him..Why not try, to look
around you..There are so many people that
their problems are much worst compare to
what we have...If you feel that you are
not pretty...You are wrong about that
Vissiliki, you are beautiful in ways that
no other people can see..You are beautiful
Vissiliki..And you will always be.
Hope that you will think of this...And
when you need a friend I'll just be
here...I can be a friend to you...Love you
girl.
hey there.. yes I do understand why you
feel this way. I think everyone that has
depression has a certain degree of deathly
thoughts. I truely believe that the deeper
the depression, the less you want to
live,, so you just need to fix your
depression.. and I believe those thoughts
will go away. When I was depressed, my
zest for life was just gone.. I felt dead
on the inside, and It felt like there was
no point in living... but you just can't
let these feelings decieve you... it's
just the depression talking... not you..
the true you loves life and is very
successful... I have released every bit of
my depression and anxiety through Negative
Emotional Release Treatment. Since I have
been cured.. my zest of life has been 100%
replenished. I actually dream about waking
up in the morning.. when before that's the
last thing that I wanted to do. Everyone
that I know that has gone to that
treatment says they feel 100% better now.
If you want someone to talk to.. or have
any questions about my experience please
feel free to PM me .. take care
Don't think that you're not attractive.
Negative self talk really can get you
depressed and stressed. I certainly hope
you don't cut. Cutting leaves a lot of
scars on yourself. It may feel like that's
the only solution to the problem at the
moment, but think about after. Try not to
dwell in the moment. Have you seen a
psychiatrist? I think seeing you GP is the
first step to get referred to more support
services.
I want to see you get better. Pain may
seem like the only thing that can help you
at the moment. I've been there and done
that. But please, don't hurt yourself. A
lot of people care about you and want to
see you better. Try to be pro-active and
seek help. If you ever need to talk. PM me
please. I will be happy to chat with you.
Take care, my friend.
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vassiliki
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Dec 2006 Posts: 14
Posted: 05-02-07 12:56pm
thanx guyz....
i feel that many "things" go wrong with
me....since ever i ve been feeling ugly
and stupid...but ok..i could handle it
somehow. last spring a fellow student died
from cancer and till then i feel sick all
the time. i think i m about ti die. i
think that i was never in love. i hate my
body. cutting is a way to feel alive and
maybe a rehearsal for the final act. i run
medical tests frequently. if i hear that i
m sick i m gonna kill myself. it s not
that i see blackness everywhere. i know
life is beautiful and worth all the
trouble. but i m a useless human being.
yes i have seen a psychiatrist. xanax
halped a lot-now i can sleep. prozac on
the other hand didnt make much difference.
psychotherapy helps in a way...but due to
my doc's vacation i lost 2 appointments
and that cost me a lot. i think i m
getting addicted to the treatment and i
hate it.
thank god i have ppl who care and love me.
i dont know where i would be without them
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emilymarie137
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jan 2007 Posts: 32 Location: branson
I Know How You Feel. .. Posted: 05-02-07 13:11pm
I have cut before also. I haven't done it
in a while though. But I feel too ugly and
too fat for anything. That somehow I'm
punishing myself by cutting. I'm sure you
are not ugly, but I can't be sure since I
haven't seen you. You are NOT worthless.
Please talk to me if you want to. I'm here
for you.
