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Having a Hard Time Trusting Him....

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bamagirl Experienced User
April 26th, 2007
i'm not really sure what to do. I'm having a really hard time trusting my husband and we have been together for three years and married for two. He has never cheated on me that I know of but I have had a really bad past and everyone I have trusted in my life has really hurt me. Like my Dad!! I trusted him so much and I was a daddys girl then one day I came home from school and he had a letter on the table saying that he cant take this crap no more and all his things were gone. Then my best friend wanted to go to the movies (he was a boy)and he took one of his friends and then we went riding around town and he gave me a pill that I thought was alieve and it was not but him and his friend took advantage of me. Really that is not even the half of it but Its just always seems like he is trying to hide things from me and I guess it because he hardly ever smiles but if I ask him if everything is ok he says everything is fine why do you ask and i'll tell him and then he will get mad. We really dont talk that much because when he comes home from work he wants to just watch tv. I'm not sure what to do I just feel like he is hiding things from me and it is really bothering me. I hope this made since and someone can help!!!
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meblonde01
replied April 26th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Re: Having a Hard Time Trusting Him....
bamagirl wrote:
i'm not really sure what to do. I'm having a really hard time trusting my husband and we have been together for three years and married for two. He has never cheated on me that I know of but I have had a really bad past and everyone I have trusted in my life has really hurt me. Like my Dad!! I trusted him so much and I was a daddys girl then one day I came home from school and he had a letter on the table saying that he cant take this crap no more and all his things were gone. Then my best friend wanted to go to the movies (he was a boy)and he took one of his friends and then we went riding around town and he gave me a pill that I thought was alieve and it was not but him and his friend took advantage of me. Really that is not even the half of it but Its just always seems like he is trying to hide things from me and I guess it because he hardly ever smiles but if I ask him if everything is ok he says everything is fine why do you ask and i'll tell him and then he will get mad. We really dont talk that much because when he comes home from work he wants to just watch tv. I'm not sure what to do I just feel like he is hiding things from me and it is really bothering me. I hope this made since and someone can help!!!


This is a tuff one. But I am going to tell you what I feel from your post. Please don't take this as being hard on you.. I am not trying to do that. But I think you have been hurt so many times in your past that it has followed you into the present. I don't think there is anything wrong with your relationsip, but you as looking for something. Unless there is something you can put your finger on, just relax and show him a little attention and let him to the rest. Men are so much different than women. They feel everything is okay and we feel something is wrong. Just try smiling and let the day go on. No question asked and see how that goes. I would just be yourself don't ask a lot of question, feel secure in yourself and see what happeneds. It might even make him wonder.. ??
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Birch
replied April 26th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Re: Having a Hard Time Trusting Him....
bamagirl wrote:
i'm not really sure what to do. I'm having a really hard time trusting my husband and we have been together for three years and married for two. He has never cheated on me that I know of but I have had a really bad past and everyone I have trusted in my life has really hurt me. Like my Dad!! I trusted him so much and I was a daddys girl then one day I came home from school and he had a letter on the table saying that he cant take this crap no more and all his things were gone. Then my best friend wanted to go to the movies (he was a boy)and he took one of his friends and then we went riding around town and he gave me a pill that I thought was alieve and it was not but him and his friend took advantage of me. Really that is not even the half of it but Its just always seems like he is trying to hide things from me and I guess it because he hardly ever smiles but if I ask him if everything is ok he says everything is fine why do you ask and i'll tell him and then he will get mad. We really dont talk that much because when he comes home from work he wants to just watch tv. I'm not sure what to do I just feel like he is hiding things from me and it is really bothering me. I hope this made since and someone can help!!!


Hey there, it sounds like you have quite a bit of anxiety about men leaving you or violating you, which makes sense b/c of your past history. Paranoia and insecurity can ruin relationships. I would recommend that you seek out a therapist. This kind of stuff-father abandonment & rape- can stick around and leave you emotionally confused for years. Please seek out help! Best of luck to you!
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LennonLove
replied May 3rd, 2007
To be quite honest with you, everyone has trust issues. You can never fully put your trust in someone, nor should you, due to the fact you may be letdown more than you know. Honestly, it sounds like you lack communication in your marriage. If he knows about your past then he should be willing to give you that reassurance, however, when guys say nothing is wrong most of the time there really is nothing wrong. They don't like opening up and that can frustrate the hell out of a woman. I have the same problems with my boyfriend, however, I opened him up completely. You need clear communication and reassurance in a relationship. Perhaps sitting him down and explaining your insecurities and letting him know you don't want to bug him every day, but that he should communicate with you more. I'm sure that would put your mind to ease. Building trust takes a lot of time and effort. If he loves you, then he should be willing to do his part. As for you, I'm sorry to hear about your horrific past experiences, but just know you need to learn to open up a bit and give everyone a fare chance. It will take effort on your part as well. I hope i've helped you out as much as possible. Let me know if you have anything else i can help you out with. Good Luck!
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