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Mental Health > Bipolar Disorder Forum > My Fiance And I Are Both Jekyll And Hyde!
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Q: My Fiance And I Are Both Jekyll And Hyde!
asked by: Raven Caziel on April 26th, 2007
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I came across this book called "The Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome" yesterday at a bookstore. It was in the psychology section, so I decided to read a little bit of it. As I was reading it, I began to realize that my fiance and I share a lot of traits with these symptoms. I was diagnosed with ADD and depression 4 years ago, and was found to have traits of bipolar disorder.

I've seen one or two forums about the Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome, saw what people said about it. From what I've read, being with someone like that is frustrating. Of course, I've been with my fiance for 7 months now, and he is VERY frustrating. He and I bring out the worst in each other, and I get very violent and angry. I guess I would be the "good person to bad person" type, but my fiance is the "don't cross me, don't question me, don't challenge me" type. If he doesn't get his way, he pesters and irritates me and eventually starts to insult me if I don't give in.

For example, I sleep a lot. I've always had this since I was a kid, where I just need more than the average amount of sleep per day. Right now, I work a night shift, so when I come home, I expect to sleep for the rest of the day. He tends to try and wake me up, and if I won't get up, he'll steal the pillows and covers. He'll tickle me, he'll constantly be there, annoying the hell out of me until I snap and start yelling for him to leave me alone. This kind of argument escalates a lot, to the point where we're yelling, "I hate you" and "I'm leaving you" and just insulting the hell out of each other and saying hurtful things.

I know I have a temper, but it's like he needs my constant attention and I feel smothered so I have to distance myself. He gets mad, complains that I never spend enough time with him (we live together, we see each other 16 hours a day) and devalues me whenever I don't do something for him that he "so desperately needs".

This kind of stuff has caused my labido to drop tremendously, and that makes this relationship worse because he wants it 1-2 times a day. I don't want it that much; but he gets so mad at me for it.

He'll hide things from me, take my stuff and not give it back, he gets extremely jealous.

Yet he is the love of my life, and when we do get along, things are just perfect. We love each other so much, and out in public we get along great. In public, I don't mind the affection and the kissing and hugging. I bathe in it, in fact. He is a very loving, affectionate man, and I do my best to give him whatever his precious heart desires. It's just that when we're home, a lot of times we are so hateful to each other when he doesn't get his way. I don't know what to do, and I need some advice on this issue.

You guys thought one Jekyll/Hyde was bad, but two of them? Living together? Now that sucks.
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lunamatron
replied on April 27th, 2007
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Just to Be Blunt...
First off you shouldn't be engaged to someone that "brings out the worst in you." If anything marrying someone like this will ultimately end in divorce. Secondly, you have only been with him for 7 months. I have been married for nearly 4 years and am still learning new things about the man I married.

Unfortunately love just isn't enough when it comes to making a life long commitment. Regardless if you guys do well in public, you don't do well at all in private. Is the fighting, lying, and challenging really worth it? Healthy relationships don't work like that.

Do yourself a favor and look to the future before you make the biggest mistake of your life. Dump the boyfriend, get therapy for the anger issues, and spend some time alone. You may discover that you were searching out this relationship for all the wrong reasons.
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