None of you have got the power of telling me if this stupid-ass loneliness will last a lifetime, but if it's terminal and beyond my control, I'd like to know so I can kill myself or wait for it to end. If it is to never end, then let me die.
I went to a social event last night and endured the worst first half of it. It got better when a couple of my friends arrived and made me feel better, but the thought of guys having it easier with women reminded me of the many capabilities that I lack and fear I'll never master. I'd love to one day possess these capabilities but if there isn't a way I can do that, I'd rather die. I hate it when other guys find it easier but for me, I'm an outsider. My lack of capabilities need to die so I can caca on them, puke on them, piss on them, and curse them so they can never return. I hate to be the one to call out unfairness, but when some guys get it easier and I'm among the ones who don't, what good is my life?
What good is my life if it will never include a sense of belonging and a significant other? What good is my life if it consists of lifelong struggles with girls? What good is my life if it'll remain this way despite my efforts to change it? What good is my life if my efforts of ridding myself of my lack of capabilities fail? What good is my life if it is to consist of this lack of capabilities?