Ive been pretty messed up with my eating habits for over a year now.. and its just getting worse. but what do you expect.
would a fasting/binging/purging cycle cause me to be
-tired
-dizzy
-have shortness in breath (after going up 3 flights of stairs WALKING i can't breath... its so weird)
-BAD anxiety problems
-not being able to pay attention
-losing interest in everything
-and i jump on everyone. they could say the smallest thing and ROARR.. i go off on them.
a lot of people say im not myself anymore.. im just not happy.
is this like depression or just part of my ed?
its so confusing. but im going to the doctor this week to get some meds for my anxiety or something. i can't take it. i just dont want to get rid of my ed. although i wish i could just praise my body instead of hating it and just wanting to kill it.
im 16, 5'3, and weigh around 107 right now.
to me.. i'd rather be murdered because thats just insanely high.
i know i need help but i cant bring myself to it.
about 3 months ago i was so over the edge i almost got help.. but i backed out and didn't do it. but now my grades are suffering like crazy.. and i dont mean to brag or anything but i have a 4.6 GPA.. and its dropping rapidly and im still trying. it's just the lack of interest now.
anyone talking to me or posting back would be appreciated. If you want to talk on aim.. send me a pm or something. i just need support because this is getting hard to do on my own. especially hiding it.
my boyfriends mom is a freaking NURSE so she can tell im up to something. she asked him if i ate when we went out.. and he said "Yeah i Suppose.." I went out to brunch with his family for Easter a few weeks ago and i did eat.. but i eat really slow and dont eat THAT much so it probably didnt look too good on my part.. but what can i do. i just cant help it! He said that he thinks she suspects the hatred i have toward myself because it comes across very noticable. It's that lack of self confidence rising through. i hateeeee it.
thoughts, support.. anything greatly appreciated. <3
sorry i havent posted in such a longgg time.
just been busy.