Parenting Community Forum - Sleep Schedule/routine

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Q: Sleep Schedule/routine

asked by: jessesgirl on April 22nd, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

I feel so guilty and like a bad mom when Ava goes to bed too late or that she doesn't really have a sleep schedule.

She takes a nap after breakfast, after lunch, and in the early evening. It's never at the same exact time, but pretty close to it. I just wait until she gets tired. We also don't put her down, we walk with her until she falls asleep or feed her until she falls asleep (2 bad habits).
Also, at night she goes to bed anywhere from 8 to 11 (whenever she gets tired).
It makes me feel guilty that she's not on a real schedule. I guess in my mind everyone has their kid on a schedule and sticks to it. It's so hard because we're always doing things and getting home late.
At one point I refused to go anywhere later than 7 b/c I wanted her in bed early and Jesse thought I was ridiculous and we can't live our life around her sleep. So, I started not caring and we'd go shopping and do whatever and she went to bed at 11 every night over the Easter break.
It made me feel bad b/c I was making her go to bed so late.

It's putting a strain on our relationship b/c he would want to stay up later than her and play games or watch tv and just have some us time or keep her up with us, but I go to bed with her because that's the only way she'll stay asleep. We decided the other day that we'll start putting her to sleep then staying up for at least an hour to spend some time together. Hopefully that works and she stays asleep.
Her sleep situation is really putting a strain on our marriage. She needs to be in her own bed.
I'm so frustrated with the whole situation.
My husband is a "go with the flow", whenever she's tired we'll put her to sleep kind of person and I'm a schedule/routine kind of person.
It kills me that she's not on a schedule and it makes me feel guilty.

Every night she gets a bath then we go into my room with the lights dim and the noise machine on the waterfall sound and I read her a book and give her a bottle and she falls asleep after she's done with the bottle, if not I walk with her for a minute or two until she's completely out and we go to bed.

I wish I can just put her in her crib and her fall asleep by herself and stay asleep. I guess it's my fault because I don't have the heart to let her cry it out.

I'm just venting/looking for suggestions or most of all seeing if anyone else is going through this. I feel like I'm the only one.
I kind of feel hopeless about the whole situation.

Replies(9)

Nataliachick7

replied on April 22nd, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

my son didnt have a real scehdule up
until about a month ago. he was always pretty unpreditctable because of reflux falir ups and food intolerances. these two things really affected how the day went for us.
i wouldnt stress too much about the day routine. everything sort of fell into place for us recently. i would, however, do some sleep training on her. im assuming she doesnt have any medical complications like my son did, (i could never tell if he was crying because of pain when i was trying to sleep train). i would *HIGhly* suggest getting a transitional object for her at night time(my son has his blankie and its what puts him to sleep as soon as i lay him down, sometimes he talks to himself for a few minutes, but he doesnt cry), and start doing a routine before bed to signal that its time to sleep. if you continue to do what you are doing everynight you will go insane, trust me, i have been there. i held my son 24/7 for the first 5 months of his life, and it really took a toll on me and mine and my boyfirends relationship.

Nataliachick7

replied on April 22nd, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

ok, i just saw that you do the routine, thing sorry i missed that. i recommend after she is done with the bottle, lay her in the crib. she will be fine. (try the transitional object, she will learn in a few nights this means go to sleep when she sees it) trust me. she may cry for say 10 mintues the first few times, but she is old enough now-i would never do that to a newborn.

Bridget

replied on April 22nd, 2007

Especially eHealthy

Nataliachick7 wrote:

ok, i just saw that you do the routine, thing sorry i missed that. i recommend after she is done with the bottle, lay her in the crib.

i think betsy left out that they've been co-sleeping, so i don't think she can just lay her in the crib since she's not used to that.

what does ava do if you do lay her in her crib?

i'm sorry betsy, i don't really have any advice. i agree with nat though about the daytime routine, just let her do her own thing. finn takes a morning nap and an afternoon nap but it's not at any set time.

i also think it's very important for you and jesse to have your own time together at night. i hope other people have helpful advice!

Nataliachick7

replied on April 22nd, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

IHeartMyBostonTerrier wrote:

Nataliachick7 wrote:

ok, i just saw that you do the routine, thing sorry i missed that. i recommend after she is done with the bottle, lay her in the crib.

i think betsy left out that they've been co-sleeping, so i don't think she can just lay her in the crib since she's not used to that.

in that case i would lay her in the bed, and buy those safety net things you put on the sides of the bed. are you co sleeping because you are into attachement parenting, or are you just doing it because you feel pressured to get her to sleep?

Idony

replied on April 22nd, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

i dont really have any advise for you, im sorry

i just want to tell you, you are not a bad mother, the fac that you are concerned about this means you are a great mother, i know someone who had never had their kid on any schedual until he was 8 monthes when they moved into our house and my mum and i put him on a schedual (they would let him fall asleep whenever he wanted and do whatever he wanted)

now that they dont live with us anymore (we moved) he is back to no schedual, he turned 2 in fabuary and goes to bed into his room at 8 and they ignore him until his screaming bothers them, then they let him stay up until 4 or 5 in the morning and make him sleep until noon...if he doesnt sleep that long they dont wake up with him, he just does whatever he wants, he never gets fed on any schedual, only gets 1 meal a day, 2 if hes lucky, the rest is just pure junk food

bleh, it angers me off so much

you are not a bad mother, if you did THAT you would be a bad mother yes, but you most deffinantly do not do that, you are the opposite of that, you are a great mother

~alicia~

jenniek

replied on April 22nd, 2007

Active User, very eHealthy

I don't have much adivce but I was just going to say I understand what you're going through!

I don't have Brayden on a schedule at all. Things happen relatively in the same order each day but never at the same times. He also hates sleeping on his back so he has been sleeping in his swing for about a month. A terrible habit to start! His swing just broke so now we have to get him to sleep in his crib and he has been waking up every hour! We also rock him back to sleep in our arms, he won't fall asleep if we just lay him down. There are just many things that I wish wouldn't be the way they are but its hard to break the habits once they start.

How old is your daughter? Brayden is only 9 weeks so my theory is that he is still pretty young for a schedule. Don't stress about it to much, if you get stressed and worried about the schedule it may stress her out. Just try to make slow changes. Good luck

jessesgirl

replied on April 23rd, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Nataliachick7 wrote:

IHeartMyBostonTerrier wrote:

Nataliachick7 wrote:

ok, i just saw that you do the routine, thing sorry i missed that. i recommend after she is done with the bottle, lay her in the crib.

i think betsy left out that they've been co-sleeping, so i don't think she can just lay her in the crib since she's not used to that.

My husband wanted us to co-sleep with her b/c he's afraid that something will happen to her in the middle of the night if she's in her crib and we won't be able to hear her or see her. He's paranoid, but now he's all for the idea of letting her sleep in her bed.

We talked and this is our plan.
She's been napping in her crib for 2 weeks now. When he gets off of work Thursday we're going to start putting her into her crib at night. We'll put her to sleep the same way we've been doing, but put her in her crib instead of with us. When she wakes up we'll do the same thing, pick her up and walk with her for a few minutes until she goes back to sleep. Then when I'm off for summer, in 5 weeks, we'll start sleep training. We'll put her down tired but awake and stick it out. I know she'll scream her head off. I tried it already for a nap and she wouldn't have it. We know that we both need to be strong and it's for her own good. What do you think of the plan? We'll keep the crib in our room for a while before we move her completely in her own room.

Eyes Wide Shut

replied on April 23rd, 2007

Especially eHealthy

Ok, .betsy,1st let me tell you, you're *not* a bad mother!! from what I know, you're the *best*!!!

Now, for my advice! WHen you put her in her crib, at night, if she becomes fussy, take off the shirt you're wearing, flip it inside out, and snuggle it next to her.

I had to do that to .oni *bookoo* times!!!! I didn't want to pick her up, so in a moment of panic/screaming her lungs out, I just yanked my shirt off, let her smell/snuggle it, and she immedietly calmed down.

It sounds crazy, but it *works*!!! She sooo used to yours/jesse's scent that when she doesn't smell it (from being held/walked/& slept with) she panics!

Also, continue the bath, story, dim light routine!

Sarah

jessesgirl

replied on April 24th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

great idea sarah, thanks

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