I feel like I'm going crazy. I have finally opened up and told a few people around me what has been going on for the last seven years. They all say it is abuse. To be honest I don't know what to think. When I think of abuse I think of being beaten to a bloody pulp. Yes I have been hit but not bad enough to do any damage. Was it wrong yes, my husband should have never done it. Here is the rest of the story. It is long and there is a lot of info here. Please read and any advice is welcome.
My husband and I have been married 7 years and he was the only person I have ever opened up to. My husband served 4 years in the Marine Ccorpsand is now in the Army and stationed in Korea. Looking back on it now I think he has used all of it against me. He also knew because of all the crap that I had gone through with my parents divorce I vowed I would never put my kids through something like that. I knew I had made the biggest mistake of my life a week after we were married. I was very close to my family. I had helped my sister raise her first son. I was with them 24/7 for the first three years of Austins life. On our way down to AarizoniaI cried because I was missing my family. He started yelling at me to shut up or he would take me back to my dad. He said that I needed to forget them and that he was my family now. It wasn't all bad at first. The was the last time for awhile he yelled at me. Shortly after we got to Arizonia we went to the Marine Corps Ball. Which was fun but I was also getting sick. I didn't know what was wrong but I knew I felt like crap. I had a sharp pain in my back and a fever. I'm not going into details but he talked me into having sex. Which I almost passed out before hand but that didn't matter to him. He had needs. Come to find out I had a kidney infection. I had a temp of 104. He took care of me once we got home so the incident at the hotel was forgotten about. I should have told him to leave me alone but I was so set on doing anything to please him. Once I was better I was planning on going back to work and go back to school. I had the application for a school down there and everything. I had discussed this on more than one occasion. Well, he decided that he wanted a baby. To prove to his dad (which beat him and his sisters and his mom) that he was a better father. I told him that I didn't want to have kids right away and that I wanted to go to school. My feelings didn't matter. After three hours of fighting and him telling me that I shouldn't be affraid of having kids and I was being selfish and I could go to school still. He threw my birth ccontrolaway. I know I should have put my foot down but again I just wanted to make him happy. About a month and a half later I found out I was pregnant. Before I found out I was pregnant we had a party at our house for his 21st birthday. We were both drunk and I had made a comment of the music that was being played he didn't approve of what I said because he only listens to country music so he hit me twice. He almost got killed that night by a couple of the guys that were there. So shortly after that is when I found out I was pregnant. Everything was great until we went for the ultra sound to find out the sex of the baby. It was a girl. He wanted a boy so at that point we didn't talk about the baby and his whole attitude changed. Shortly after that he was sent to San Diego for three weeks for a class. He came home and said hey I have a funny story to tell you. I asked a girl for her phone number. I was ddevastated We had a huge fight about that. Thats when I began shutting everything up inside. I had Victoria just before our one year anniversary. I had an easy delivery however, I did have to have stitches One week after I had her he started telling me he couldn't wait a month for sex. He sweet talked me telling me if I was in to much pain he would stop. I finally gave in. However, he didn't stop when I was in pain. I cried the entire time. A few months after this a whole lot of fighting I tried to leave. His exact words were where are you going to go. You are 2000 miles away from your family and I control all the money. You can't leave me. At this point I went into a deep depression. It may have been post partum depression or just because of the whole situation. I had considered suicide on many occassions. The only thing that stopped me was my daughter. I couldn't leave her behind. I have to admit I became very mean. I can't tell you how many times I called him names or told him how much I hated him. I was wrong for doing that I know. We fought all the time. We moved back home when my daughter was 8 months old. The trip back home was hell. His mom came down to drive back up with me while he drove the moving truck. We had gotten in a huge fight because he didn't want to stop and I kept telling him that is was too much for Victoria to be in the car all day long. His mom finally convinced him to stop and we stayed at a hotel. Because of our money situation we all shared a room. That night with is mom sleeping in the bed next to us he forced me to have sex with him. My hate for him grew. When we got back home I have to admit I was a !**@! to him. I hated him and I let him know it. I tried to leave again. This time he took my daughter away from me and told me I could leave but I would never see her again. That was the first time I hit him. How dare he take her away from me. Not to long after that I went on antidepressants. Which helped because it numbed me. I didn't care anymore. Things were ok we still fought all the time but I was to numb to care. We bought a house and I thought things were getting better. He had his sister move in with us which in away was good it was kind of a buffer for both of us. We still fought but not as bad. She was with us for a year then she moved out and things were getting bad again. He went out a bought a truck signed all the paperwork then told me about it. I was pissed because we couldn't afford a new vehicle. Plus we were trying for another baby and I was in school. Shortly after this I had a miscarriage and then about a two months after that is when I got pregnant with my second daughter. I have to admit this was the best time in our marriage. We were still fighting but not nearly as bad. I should throw in by this point I had been acused of cheating on him so many times. I have never cheated on him and I never would. If I was five minutes late coming home from work he would acuse me of cheating. If I parked my car in a different parking spot at home I was acused of having guys over. Yet he had on several occasions gotten girls phone numbers and brought them home to me. I also had to watch him tickle and touch his sisters friends. But if I ever acused him of cheating I was a !**@!. Last year I had come home from work and found a sex toy left out. It wasn't there when I left for work and he had gotten home before I did. I had also found a used towel next to our bed. When I confronted him about it he stumbled over his words and lied to me to my face. I kicked him out. It didn't last long though. He sweet talked me and I let him come back home. He promised things would get better and they did. Then he decided to reenlist. We had talked about it and I agreed. Well you all know he went to Korea. About three months after he left I noticed on some of his emails to me that there was another girls email. I wouldn't care if he was emailing somebody if he was upfront with me. I would never keep him from having friends but I do need to have be honest with me. Anyways, when I confronted him about the email again he lied to me. I still don't know if he is cheating or if he ever did. I just really don't like being lied to. That brings everybody up to date. I know most people would say get the hell out of the situation. But I feel just as much responsible for how bad everything is. I also am having a hard time with being the one that breaks up this family. I also said I would never leave him while he was over seas. I feel like if I weren't such a !**@! maybe he wouldn't have done half of this stuff. I guess I just want to beleive it will get better. He hasn't hit me in years and right now its more of him lying to me. This whole situation is making me crazy. A big part of me wants to leave. Another part wants to stay in hope that it will get better and because I'm terrified of what the future holds if I do leave him.
Last edited by sadandscared on June 8th, 2007 01:59 PM; edited 1 time in total
yes this is abuse, physical, emotional, sexual. There is a wonderful forum of which I am a member that would really help you, full of information, and stories just like yours. Please go to Trubbles Catbox, just type it in your search bar. there are wonderful women there who will help you just like they helped me. Read all you can, there is tons of info on the web. Also the catbox is on Dr. Irenes verbal abuse site which hass lots of information. You do not have to live this way, it is not your fault. there is help, and you are not alone. Please go to the catbox, will look forward to seeing you there.
reading this post angers me.I cannot stand anyone who is abusive to their spouse or g/f.I was in an abusive relationship,hitting and drinking and emotionally.I felt if I didn't do so many things wrong,if I didn't say that,if I didn't do this to annoy him none of it would have happened.Well I was wrong, it was not my fault and it is *not* your fault! you need to get out. you two together is not a good thing.do you want your children around that?they will grow up tinking that is the way a man should treat his woman and that is certainly not what you want to teach them.cheating and bringing girls home to you?no matter if you have 'proof' or not, which you obviously did, you had a gut feeling and on top of that saw e-mails, a sex toy and a dirty towel? no,i'm sorry,get out now! It doesn't matter if he hasn't hit you for 2 years,the abuse is still there.please listen to the above poster and get some help.you deserve so much better than that and so do your daughters.I promise after a while you will feel much better. If you ever need to talk please pm me!
Yes this is abuse, no 2 ways about it!
I was beaten to a pulp many times by my ex but in all honesty the mental torture was sometimes worse, never knowing what was coming next.
I am in UK & it is quite late here, I feel I need to dedicate a little more time to absorb all you've put so I will reply again tomorrow or Monday when I have done this.