when you talk to the child, try to take him or her back, with your words, to the time before the incident/s took place, convincing the child that they should wait to be an adult to do adult thingsÂ…..To wait, and not to let their childhood be stolen from them (they should reclaim or recapture it)...That childhood is not a time to be an adult [it's a training period to learn by growing, with adult examples, but not everything is to be tried yet; like not flying a plane until you're a trained pilot]; a childhood free from the miseries that most "adults" got themselves into, or were forced on them. Tell the child to "rebel" against going too fast past their personal speed limit, and enjoy simply being a child in an innocence of their own imaginative creation that actually becomes realÂ…..Try to recapture their childhood by the picture you paint with your words, taking them to a real land they should inhabit before becoming an adult! Read the phantom tollbooth [by norton juster] to them, so that they can learn Â‘figures of speechÂ’, how to use their imagination, and how to recapture "rhyme & reason" in their lives; and, read the apostle paul's letters to them from the good news bible [best translation for 'understanding'], 13 letters-romans thru philemon, because the lord's spiritual words can heal any "injury" my best to you & yoursÂ…Â….Captain church
If you had been or had dealt with or had had a child who had been abused you would know that their childhood is taken away by the abuse & telling them not to go too fast into adulthood, not to try everything yet is abusive in itself - you are telling the child that it's their fault it happened after all if they hadn't rushed or tried to rush into adulthood etc then it wouldn't have happened.
You need to stayaway from anyone who has been abused be they adult or child. I for one think you would cause so much additional damage that you might as well just go straight to it & abuse them outright, actually that would probably be kinder.
And yes, I have training & experience from all sides of the fence.
No I am not, you misread the post....Be more careful next time and see what the meaning is before you to jump to conclusions! After the fact, you show them they don't need to "act out" what was done to them when their childhood was stolen and they were rocketed into adult things...No one said it was their fault, except you! Can't anybody read anymore what is there, instead of what they 'think" is there?
I don't suppose (given your total lack of comprehension & your seeming total lack of empathy - look it up) that you stopped to consider for even a momewnt that either a) your post was not clear, hence my response? Or b) you might be wrong - again hence my response???
However in the interests of communication & given that I am capable of misinterpreting I have just er-read your post twice & you never refer to talking to the abused person when they are an adult only of doing so when they are a child & how would yu be sure the abuse had stopped or even that it existed since many children do not tell until much later.
Also you talk about talking to the child about not rushing into adulthood etc - you really just do not get it do you?? When they are still children talking to them in the way you are suggesting would simply increase tenfold their guilt, their belief (taught to them by the abuser) that it was & remains their fault.
When dealing with an abused child, the first things you need to do are:
1) ensure they are ok medically
2) gain over time (often years) their trust by giving them - love
-total sometimes painful honesty - trust them
3) repeatedly show them that it was not their fault, they did nothing wrong at any time, the abuser was the one who did the wrong & that needs to include letting them know that it was ok to tell what was happening
4) help them learn not to fear everyone will do the same
5) help them to seek & gain (from counselling & support groups) mental & emotional healing. This can also be through a church, but it must first & foremost be what suits the child not what suits you or me.
So I repeat until you learn through having been there & having to live with it for the rest of your life &/or your child's life stay away, the harm you do could be fatal.
Yeah, and if a child has already been abused, obviously they have already dealt with what you refer to as "an adult" problem. What you are suggesting would only make them block it out or act like it wasn't really a big deal. Which in the long run would only cause more problems.