Hi,

i've had the same questions about god. I wonder what lesson it is that I am supposed to learn -- I guess I don't catch on too quick.

A few questions:

1. Are you on meds now?
2. Are you seeing a mental health professional?
3. Have you thought about going to see a pastor or priest (depending on your faith) and asking him/her these questions? You may be pleasantly surprised (and this coming from someone who doesn't consider herself religious).


Please let me know. By the way, you'll be okay.

1. Yes, I am on effexor for about 3 months.

2. No, I am not seeing a shrink, my med is prescribed by a physicians assistant.

3. I have thought about talking to a priest in the past, but have not done so.

Talking has never helped me. Ive talked to counslors in the past. I have been told by a few doctors that , my problem is chemical in my brain and I will need medication the rest of my life to control it. I dont have the will or energy anymore to even want to control this, or fight it the rest of my life. I just wish I didnt exist anymore, that would be the best cure for me. My mother died from breast cancer when I was 13. She got cancer at about 35 and lived/fought/suffered 10 years. I had a breast exam over a year ago and the doctor found lumps on both my breasts and wanted me to get breast ultrasound and mammogram. I didn't do either. I was hoping it was cancer and this would be my way out, but as I figured - the lumps were probly cysts and seem to have gone away. See I want to die - everyday for the last 2-3 years. And I do mean "everyday", even if I am having a ok day. So I am just patiently "waiting for the end". But I dont think I will be able to "wait" that long. I know this is impossible for a "normal" person to understand, because you don't "feel" this way.

Hi,

i guess, i'm not "normal" either. I haven't tried to take my life yet but I do have a plan "a" and a plan "b".
I was diagnosed with major depression in nov 2003 and like you, it's a chemical imbalance in the brain. I take effexor in the evening and wellbutrin in the morning.

Why don't you go see the priest? It's worth a try. Do you have family and/or friends who could help? Have you tried a crisis line?

Thank you so much for responding to me, I feel so alone !!!!!!!!!!

Ive seen bad things happened to others when trying to reach out to family and friends- they seem to loose them all. So I wont talk to those around me. They dont need to know anything about my true feelings. It will make them run the other way, and I dont blame them. The same goes for a priest - they would " know" who I am. I guess this forum is my "crisis line".

I was on effexor in 1999-2000. It was one of the best years. But I quit working and after trying half a dozen other drugs, I thought I should give effexor another try. It helps in some ways, but I feel like sleeping most of the time. I was taking 75mg in am and 75 in pm. But most take it all at once, so I tryed that - taking 150mg at night, but then I felt like I couldnt wake up in the morning. How much and when do you take your meds ???
And is it working for you ? My doc says I have to see a shrink to get on more than one med. Most family doctors wont prescribe more than one antidepressant at a time.

Hi,

i have replied to you via a private message.

Bluechic: you are not alone. I have never tried to take my life, but I know how it is to feel hopeless. Ever since I have been 8 or 9, I have been beggin god to take my life for me. I finally decided to get some help. I am taking medication and therapy at the same time. My therapist & doctor tell me that most people usually need both to get better. If your doctor gives you meds, you really need to stick to them and give them a chance to work. Please seek help. If you really feel that you are going to end your life, go to the emergency room. I will pray for you.