hi Everyone,

I really need advice concerning my husband. We recently married in Dec. He became physically abusive the first time in Feb while intoxicated. I called the police and he spent 3 weeks in jail. Since then he has been attending domestic abuse classes every week. He says he knows what he did was wrong, that he never wants to hurt me again, he is very emotional about what he did, and has sobbed in my arms saying he is so sorry for what he did to me. I know in my heart that he loves me and he said he would do anything to not do that again.

Since he came home from jail I have noticed changes for the better in him, such as he no longer withholds affection, has put my name on the checking account, encourages me to continue with school, asks me what I want, asks me how I feel and listens, he does not do anything without asking me what I want to do, is more compassionate, talks more about his feelings, Even so I am still angry with him, and have found myself lashing out at him over the past episode. Also he does not have a history of past abuse with others. He does have problems with alcohol and has attended AA.

On Monday we argued, he drank, and he pushed me which caused me to fall. I reacted by going to the sheltor down the street and they called police. I stayed in the sheltor mon night but came home last night. I had been told by police that they were going to arrest him at work this AM. I did not tell him I knew this, he has to take responsibility fro his actions. I talked with my counselor and told her I wanted one more night with my husband. She supported my decision. My H is normally a very loving, affectionate, caring person but when he drinks he changes. Everyone seems to think he cannot change his behavior, that he will always be abusive. People tell me he is just pretending to be sorry when he sobs, says he wants to kill himself, because he hurt me. I love him very much and I cannot believe he cannot change since he really wants to.

Is there no hope for us? Could he change? Is he sobbing just to mislead me or is it real? Last night when we went to bed he cried himself to sleep. He would try to touch my face but would pull back, like he did not deserve to. He said he had not felt so worthless in his life, that it was the worst feeling he had ever felt. Should I give up on him like everyone keeps telling me or can I trust that he really wants to change, that he can change?

Thanks for reading and all thoughts