Medical Questions > Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum

Boyfriend Gets Erection While Sleeping

I am not sure if this should be an issue or if i am just over jealouse. my boyfriend (27 years old) and I seem to have a great relationship, but when it comes to having sex he very very rarely initiates..i start to think that he is not interested, but when I initiate he has no problem..so i figured that lack of interest is not the case.
but the main issue now is that i have noticed he has been getting erect in his sleep..from what i have read it seems to be common..but is it normal for him push me away (we usually cuddle while we sleep) then split his legs apart..then let out a moan as if he just came?..i dont really know if he ejaculates..i am too disturbed to check.
i am jealous because it seems like he doesnt want to have sex with me..but he can get aroused in his sleep..i think that he is fantasizing about other women..i cant stand the thought that his dreams can erouse him..but i cannot.
also, i suspect him of watching a lot of porn on his computer while i am at work..so i think that may be what triggers his dreams too..i have not mentioned any of this to him yet..so i would like some suggestions on how to approch this..or if i should even mention this to him at all
thank you Smile
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replied April 11th, 2007
Experienced User
it is common for men to have erections at night. even several times. i think it is also common for a man to push away from someone or something that maybe trying to touch the genitals while sleeping. you should try to talk to him about initiating sex with you. try to do it with out confronting him. make it as friendly as possible. just tell him somethings you would like for him to try. sometimes it is a very delicate situation for two people to discuss their sex lives
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replied April 11th, 2007
thank you for your advice. so maybe if i could hint toward him initiating sex more often and it works..then i should bother to mention to him that the erections at night make me slightly jelouse?
he told me when he woke up in the morning that he had a dream that he was in university and his own dorm room..he said that one of the teachers kept giving him a hard time about wearing the wrong shoes to class.
i didnt ask anymore because i didnt want to bring up the uncomfortable topic.
but this makes me think that instead of some chick from his internet porn movies..it could possibly be some girl he knew in highschool or even an ex gf..or maybe just some hot university girl.
i know these are just dreams and i probably shouldnt be concerned..but they do bother me..and it is hard to face him in the morning when i think he fantasized about other women and most likely remembers his sexy dreams.
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replied April 11th, 2007
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do you ever fantasize about other men? nobody in particular just a different male. there is nothing wrong with fantasies. they are in fact healthy. i would not mention anything about your jealousy to him. try to let it go. be positive and just talk to him about initiating sex.
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replied April 11th, 2007
i can't fantasize about other men sexually..i have tried before..but the image doesnt stick..or really do anything for me at all..but i think this may be because of my upbringing ..i keep thinking that is wrong to fantasize about other men while being with the one that you love..and because that feeling has been inputed so strong in me..i cannot do it
that is why i have come here to see what others think.
so thank you..you have helped a lot..i will do my best not to let it get to me.
when he mentions how he has had some crazy dreams every morning..i wont think negitivly unless he acctually tells me it was some other woman.
until then i will just assume that the dreams are of me.
if i think that they are of me then that would be sure to help me not feel akward having sex with him anymore.
i feel like i am fooling myself..but if this is a common thing and nothing to worry about..then i must get my mind trained to understanding that.
besides deep down inside i know that he cannot control his dreams to fix this problem..and bringing it up to him would just embarrass him and probably make him feel even more akward when it comes to initating sex.
thank you again for your promt and very helpful replies Smile
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replied April 11th, 2007
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you are welcome. that's why we are here. glad i can help. any other questions or problems feel free to ask and discuss.
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replied April 14th, 2007
hmm this is to hard for me to ignore
this morning i really wanted to have sex with my bf, but he said that he was feeling too tired and not in the mood..i couldnt seem to turn him on..so i let him sleep..then about an hour later he got a huge erection and started jerking off in his sleep..this is tearing apart my self confidence and makes me not want to have sex with him any more..i have to leave the room now..how could his dreams overpower the real thing...could anyone relate to this situation or let me know why he may be doing this
i feel that i am very attractive..i am thin, long brown hair, brown eyes, italian skin tone, i hear from others that i have a great personality..so i dont think it is because he is unattracted to me...i just dont understand him..he turnes me down pretty much every time i want to have sex with him..please i need suggestions before i loose all of my self confidence
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replied April 14th, 2007
Experienced User
my fiance' often gets aroused in his sleep and will wake up cause he can't role over properly... i've never had a problem with him masturbating though. maybe your guy has a sexual addiction of sorts that he feels he can't share with you and he is working it out in his sleep.
one of my last exes did have the problem your referring to. he would just randomly start masturbating in his sleep. one day i woke him up and asked him and he basically broke down and told me that he didn't feel comfortable asking me for anal sex and was dreaming about it for about 2 months.

but of course there are just ideas, and may not be the truth
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replied August 3rd, 2007
Experienced User
hunnie first off, nocturnal erections are a sign that your man is healthy in that area. it is very normal. also, just because his penis gets erect during the night does not necessarily mean he is dreaming of something sexual. i don't know what he dreams, he may dream about sexual things sometimes, but just because he has an erection during his sleep doesn't mean he is fantasizing of somebody else. men usually have around 8 or 9 erections throughout the course of one night. it's very normal & you have nothing to worry about.
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replied February 7th, 2009
erection problems
i have been with my fiance a year now and just recently he has been having problems getting an erection and dosent realy want much sex but gets erections in his sleep i get very frustrated and it gets me down i recently found texts on his phone which were quite rauchey what should i do help
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replied February 7th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Hellokitty1986.....am not to sure what to advise on the text messages but you should confront him about them.....As for the erections in his sleep that is normal for a guy it just means they are healthy.....My fiance does it often and i know there is nothing wrong with him Razz Jenny
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replied March 28th, 2010
My bofriend's erections and sex dreams...
I have this exact same problem with my boyfriend....not wanting sex with me, especially if I initiate, and then turning around and dreaming like that. I know they''re sex related because of all the moaning, thrusting, flared nose, and heavy breathing, masturbating, and sometimes what he says...similar to us during sex when he''s awake. There were times he called names, women''s, and of people we work/worked with and once or twice his ex. He claims he doesn''t remember his dreams, which I don''t believe...and that his erections are because he has to pee. But it doesn''t explain the way he goes through the acts of sex in his sleep. And we usually only have sex when he initiates. If I try to start, I get pushed away, and if I try to...make his dream more of reality by by initiating, he turns away, pushes me away, and says no....as if he prefers the dreams over me. I''ve attempted to talk to him several times about it, as it''s occurring every day, hurting me deeply and makes me feel my womanhood is on the attack, but he gets upset and even angry with me. This has led to several arguments and fighting, and if feeling like less than a woman wasn''t bad enough, I also deal with the emotional turmoil of his behaving this way when I attempt to address the issue. He says he will go see a therapist to find out why he''s doing this and to get help since this is damaging to me and our relationship, but still has yet to call the doctor or get a referral...basically is doing nothing to try and work this out with me. Friends insist he''s doing this because he enjoys hurting me and does, in fact, secretly desire to cheat on me. I''m not sure how I feel anymore, but the relationship is great except for this issue. As much as I''m tired of being done this way or feeling like I do about the relationship and myself or self worth, I love the guy and see life with him. But as I told him, I''m at a point where I think of quitting him and ending the relationship over not being able to take this abuse, of sorts. What should I do!?!?
Update:
I was just diagnosed with a uterine fibroid cyst and that now is an excuse to have no intimacy and worse "dreams", to which my complaints are met with seemingly more anger and resentment to me. So it IS me?
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replied August 23rd, 2010
Why my bf turns his back on me when has erections on his sleep?
I got tired of magazine articles saying that if a man masturbates or get lots of erections is because he is healthy. Some even support the fact that man have hidden antennas that spot and follow females like animals in heat. All that BS might be truth for single guys and not even. Everyone should be respectful of the female body and its desires, brain and mind, heart and feelings. Lots a woman love to be admired and dress revealing to provoke others with sexual assaults. Some woman exchange their looks for money, and some do sex for money. Plus the not so new computer era and its indispensable internet is filled with nude female bodies, porn and all types of sexual perversion. Man like the feeling of being aroused and they nurture and defend this feeling like a golden rule, and many other males and also females support their hunger for more sex and all and everything that comes with it. Sex is so addictive that is not easy to stop it. and the normal ways of doing sex gets boring for tons of people. Some addicts just ask for more but more of the unusual. That is why we hear about so much perversion even involving child porn and bestial sex. I have a boyfriend and I love him with all my heart. He used to consume himself in all kinds of internet porn. He could not wait to have a little money to get porn. And all that porn, gave us many fights over the years until I made him stop. He still gets erections over the night, and is the only thing left to deal with. But he has asked me to wake him up to cuddle and sooth each other. Either we make love right then, or we wait lovingly until his erections get down to both continue sleeping peacefully. SO far, I think this is too good to be truth. But we are experiencing other level of a better relationship. I feel he is being sensitive and receptive to my needs and he wants to make us both happy. This act make me feel he is showing me his love and respect. He tries not to stare and follow with his eyes females on the street. He is not watching porn at least not in quite awhile by now. And I love so much his decision to prefer me over sexy dolls online. I made him listen to my sufferings for abusing his sexual desires and he told me that he does not know what was he doing ....because for the years we've been together he only desires me. And that he really wants us to stop fighting. Can other man do the same to their girl friends like my boyfriend decided to do showing his love for me? It took us years but we are doing great!!!
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