Question From a Future Father

this feels a bit weird. i'm a guy & i have a question in regards to my pregnant girlfriend. she's almost 12 weeks along in her pregnancy. which i know is in the first trimester & i also know her hormones are all over the place, but i'm beginning to think she's more than just hormonal. i think she's actually developing postpartum depression.

i read up on it through books & information i found online, but i don't know how to help her. she won't be open about how she feels with anyone but me.

she's miserable. she's unhappy. stressed. frustrated. angry. i could go on & on with the list of negative emotions. she constantly talks about not wanting the baby. about not caring for it. she says there's absolutely no connection between her & the child growing inside of her body. she said she doesn't love it at all. she says all of this to me, but when it comes to being with her friends & family - the child is the center of her world. she just glows with false happiness. as soon as we're alone again she tells me about how she hates faking her desire to carry this child & to raise it. it kills me to hear because i am so in love with both her & our baby. i would give up anything for either one of them. i can't wait to be a father & share the rest of my life with her. but she's so unwilling to get help. she said it's not worth it because she doesn't have health insurance & it would be nothing more than extra financial stress. she takes everything all at once instead of working it out step by step. there is no day to day with her, it's all "too much for me to deal with." she won't stop talking about suicide, which has me worried because two months before i met her, exactly a year ago today, she attempted to overdose on sleep medications mixed with alcohol. she swears she's not going to do anything because of the baby, but at the same time i think if she reaches her breaking point again, i fear she won't be able to control her actions. she's a smart girl. she's beautiful. i just know her childhood was a bit on the difficult side.

please don't judge her, but when she was quite a bit younger, she had an abortion. she was convinced by everyone around her that it would be the best decision & afraid of disappointing her family she went through with it. she constantly tells me how much she regrets it. and about how excited she was to have that baby. that she loved that baby. but, not the one she's having now. is that normal? why would she be so excited to have a baby then, when she was still a baby herself & when she obviously wasn't mature enough to handle the responsibilities of being a mother, but now she's dreading it? i feel so hurt.

this is where my main question comes in. and i apologize my post turned out to be so long. i hope you read through it because i really am i need of some advice. she's got it in her head that something is wrong with this baby. her exact words to me are, and i have heard these words numerous times, "there is something wrong with this baby, i can't have it. let's get rid of it & have a new one." where is she coming up with this? she had an ultrasound at 8-weeks & the doctor said everything looked healthy. all her bloodwork came back clean. so far she hasn't had any problems. so why would she think there is something so terribly wrong with the baby? she won't explain to me what she means. she just says, "don't ask questions, i just know."

how do i get her to look into finding a therapist? she needs one badly. she says she would do it if she had health insurance. that she can't take on anymore charity care paperwork. she said looking for a therapist would stress her out more. i offered to do it, but she doesn't think i'd be able to find someone worth talking to for free or for cheap.

thanks to anyone who reads this. and even more thanks to anyone who replies.