well i woke up because rowan was crying and i got up and picked her up and right away i felt really horrible so i put her down on the bed and i ran to the bathroom because i felt like throwing up. i didn't throw up though but i had this intense paint all over the left side of my head and neck and i think that's what was making me want to throw up. it felt like a neck cramp from sleeping wrong but about a million times more painful. when i tried to stand up from over the toilet i started getting really dizzy and i went to find the phone to call someone and i found it and took it into the kitchen to get the numbers off the fridge and everything was like fading out and then i couldn't see anything at all. like i was still conscious but i was completely blind, like feeling my way around. i tried to call my dad but it was pretty much impossible without being able to see and i could tell i was about to pass out, but i felt like i was fighting it. next i woke up on the kitchen floor and at first i couldn't move. especially my neck. when i tried to move, like even turn my neck, my vision would start slowing going away. i kept trying to call my dad and his work number was busy, and his cell phone was off. i had like a small list of phone numbers and i tried calling all of them, they are all like family friends, but i could get no one. then the freaken phone died on me. i tried getting up and finding the other phone. besides being in excruciating pain i managed, things were blurry and dark and such. i got that phone and i scrolled through the caller i.d. to see if there were any numbers on there that i could call. i found my dad's girlfriends work number and i called her and bawled to her about how i couldn't do anything and needed to go to the hospital and someone needed to watch rowan. she came to my apartment and got rowan ready and i got ready (i couldn't even put on my freaken coat) and i just cried the whole way to the hospital. i got to skip through all the people in the waiting area though and they gave me a shot of some sort of pain killer in my ass because i'd freak out when the dr tried to touch my neck. and they sent me in for x-rays.

so what was wrong with me?


well. nothing. they don't know. he gave me some freaken pills to relax the muscles in my neck and said maybe i slept on it wrong and some t3's for pain. but that doesn't say anything about why i couldn't freaken see or move and passed out. i was so scared you guys. i seriously thought i was going to die this morning because i felt like i was fighting with myself to stay conscious, my whole body just felt "wrong". and i kept wondering if the neighbors would be able to hear rowan cry or if she'd be alone crying until my dad got home from work and how i didn't want her to have to live with erik if something really bad happened to me. now i feel alright. i can't move my neck much but it's a lot better than earlier because of the pain medication and stuff and my dad and his girlfriend are going to help with rowan today after work and she is sleeping now. i just thought i'd let you all know.