Parenting Community Forum - In-laws From Hell

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Q: In-laws From Hell

asked by: LRosie on April 3rd, 2007

New User

I think that I have the in-laws from hell. We have had a few fights or discussions about them being to much in our business to put it lightly. They keep telling people lies about my husband and our relationship. They tell people we owe them money and we don't if anything they owe us the money but whatever. The last lie that really broke the camels back was that they told everyone going to our last family reunion that my husband and I were in marriage counselling and on the verge of divorce. Which is not true what so ever. My husband wants to satisfy me as his wife but at the same time he doesn't want to cut out his parents which I understand but I don't want people around me that don't treat me with respect and treat my family with respect. They are upset with me for taking away their son by marriage.

My biggest concern is that my 11 Month old Jaylee is not seeing her Grand-Parents due to me because I don't believe in their (in-laws) values and beliefs. Jaylee has a wonderful relationship with my Mom & Step Dad and my Dad so should that be enough or should I go out of my way to let my daughter see the In-Laws. My husband Ryan still has a relationship with his parents they just don't call the house or come and visit. They only talk to Ryan on his cell phone.

Jaylee has only seen them 3 times since she was born.

P.S. They have done a lot more to our relationship it is just to much to put on a note.

Replies(8)

meggan

replied on April 4th, 2007

Experienced User

girl that really is a horrible situation.. but heres the thing! THEY ARE STILL FAMILY!
You dont have to get along with them or like them but maybe once in a while you should take the time to allow them in your baby's life.. BUT make it STRICTLY just the grandparents and your baby! if anything! if your husband thinks that they shouldnt see that baby then that benefits everyone..

im in a tough spot too! My hubby's fam is kinda well ill use the term trailer trash. They smoke on top of everyone even if you ask them not too, that his aunts and grandma but his mom is an alchoholic who doesnt take care of herself and lives with a child malester! so i feel ya on the comfort level!

i have come to an agreement with don that once in a while would be suitable and to do it on terms that everyone agrees with. us at a hotel and absolutely no smoking and they could go to the park or hotel to see him etc....

so maybe you and your hubby and his parents can come to some type of agreement that way they arent involved in your life. they are involved in your baby's life.. talk to you hubby! see if he has any wants or suggestion!

hope any of this helps.. but please do whats in your heart and chat with your husband that is the best you can do! i wish you luck and hope things get better. maybe they will loosen up

Sunflower_pie81

replied on April 4th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

My daughter will never see my inlaws......well his mom and step dad. There is no way in hell. They tried to take her from me, they have called hrs or family services, whatever you guys call them...they have tried to get visitation and worse. their values are way off and they are not honerable people at all. my daughter doesnt' need the drama.

I don't blame you for not letting her see them. She is better off not seeing them if they are going to be that way. Not until they straighten up then no .Jaylee, your husband can see them whenever he wants but his family comes first. i say cut the drama out. it's better for you and your daughter.

*star*

replied on April 4th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

Sunflower_pie81 wrote:

I don't blame you for not letting her see them. She is better off not seeing them if they are going to be that way. Not until they straighten up then no .Jaylee, your husband can see them whenever he wants but his family comes first. i say cut the drama out. it's better for you and your daughter.

I totally agree with you. But I also disagree. I will explain.

I have seen this first hand with my brother and his wife and my mother. My sil feels that my mom interferes to much in their lives and tries to tell her how to raise their daughter. She got in such a tissy that she was using my niece as a pawn to try to get her way (get my brother to believe all the BS that she was saying about my mom). She refused to let her see my niece and told her that she didn't know how to handle her. Even though she had already raised 2 kids and litterally raised my niece since she was 8 months old. They had no money and she had no parenting skills to raise a child so they lived with my mom. Long story short, my mom was torn to pieces that she couldn't see her grandaugter. My mom has done nothing but help them and they kick her in the face because they feel inferior to what my mom is able to provide for them.
I think that in this situation it was wrong to keep the child from the grandparents. They may not understand now, but when they get older they will want to know why they weren't allowed to see their grandparents.

On the other hand, I have a friend who is going through the same thing as you sunflower... She has her baby's grandparents that try everything to make her look like a bad mother and try to get the baby from her all the time. They are complete trailer trash and are constantly trying to get her in trouble. The father of the baby doesn't even want anything to do with the kid, it's just his parents. They smoke in the trailer, not just cigarettes. They also drink a lot, and personally I think they are doing other hard drugs but can't prove it. Why would she want her child to go into that type of environment.
In this case, there is no reason in the world that it should be mandatory that the grandparents see the child.
If your in-laws decide that they want to straighten up their lives and act like real adults, then maybe you would let them see your daughter. Otherwise I would let your husband do the visiting with them and leave you out of it. If they really wanted to see the baby, they would make an extreme effort to make that happen.

Good luck - it is always a sticky situation with in-laws

LRosie

replied on April 4th, 2007

New User

My husband and I have had numerous talks about his parents. The conclusion that we have come up with is that they only have contact with him as per the cell phone. I am ok with that, but it seems that the times that we do have to speak to each other or see each other is the time that something new comes about. We have a family wedding to go to in July so that will be the next time we have to see each other face to face. I am already stressed out about the vist to come in July because I have lost all trust in them to just show up and be respectful.

Thanks for the advise it is nice to see others wanting to give advice and to see that I am not the only one with this situation.

tigresacanela24

replied on April 4th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

Doesn't it suck that when you marry someone their relatives are part of the package deal? If I had known as much as I know now about dh's family I can honestly say that I probably wouldn't have married him. I hate those people with a passion, they are liars, sneaks, thieves, irresponsible, etc... (I could go on for days but it really isn't worth the effort and it will get me all hyped up for no good reason). The only one that's a decent person is my sil. She has for the most part cut her relatives off, she moved to the opposite end of the country. While I may not be able to do that right now, I have definitely followed her example by acting like my inlaws don't exist. After an insane visit in January the wisdom in this became startlingly clear. My husband talks to them only when I'm not home. They do not see my son and they will not see him in person ever again if I can help it.

candita_sky

replied on April 4th, 2007

Advanced Support Team

i feel for you my wicked witch of the west mil putting it nicely hasnt seen my kids for over 4 years now because she was lying up her ass about me to my dh and to anyone else that would listen well she finally got caught up in the lies hahaha and she moved away to Georgia ( poor state) and my marriage couldnt be better now that she is gone. my kids dont even remember her and are better off that way my dh agrees. besides they still have my side of the family with good values to instill them with . i do hope that it does get better for you tho hun. my thoughts are with you.

Dannzibelle

replied on April 5th, 2007

Supporter

If only you could meet a guy and not take on his family too eh! I'm still in two minds whether to let .Mika see .Dom's parents, they don't deserve to see her but i don't want to stop her from seeing them aslong as i'm there but his mum refuses to ever see .Mika if i'm there Rolling Eyes

LRosie

replied on April 5th, 2007

New User

I will never leave Jaylee with Ryan's parents. I am always their. Rita my mother-in-law wanted to bath Jaylee and change her pants the last time we were at their house (new years) and I was like NO that's ok I can handle it. I only do it on a daily basis I think I will be ok. I hate how she thinks that she has the right to tell me what to do and how to do it. I have raised my daughter for 11 months now and she is healthy and happy so I think I am doing just fine on my own.

Maybe when Jaylee is old enough to tell me that she wants to go and see them and when she can tell me what is going on then MAYBE I will let Jaylee go stay for the weekend. (We live 3-4hours away from our in-laws)

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