You Know What?!

people in real life or on here?

I'm sorry, hon. I would just be blunt with them and say ".i'm not ready to talk about it yet" and leave it at that. I know you weren't asking for advice on how to handle it, but that's what I would tell people. And if they wouldn't shut up about it, .i'd probably say something like "it's hard to get over the pain when people bring it up all the time" and make them feel like a !**@!.

I ended up with a standardised answer after everything happened.

"I can't change the past, it happened. Thanks"

Then just move away.

Most people only ask because they care.

or because they're nosey and/or take great joy in other people's pain. Nevermind, sorry, I'm projecting...

I don't ever discuss anything about my personal life with coworkers. And if anything happens in my life that I need to inform my bosses about I tell them that I like my private life to stay private and ask them to keep the information to themselves. If it were me I would just tell them that I'm not comfortable discussing my personal life.

Yeah, my personal life is mine and mine only to know, my coworkers know very little, and my bosses know the Minimum that needs to be known.

but like family and friends are really getting to me. I find myself not calling or going anywhere anymore becuase i hate the questions. I am drama free, and when people look at me like i am a hurt little puppy dog all i can see is drama.


i hate .D.R.A.M.A!!!

Sorry girl I know it sucks, people are always asking about Mark's cancer. Its ok if they really want to know, but some are just doing it becasue they don't know what to say, and I don't know how to reply. Like Kia I have a "standard answer" He's had some tough times but we are making it through thanks, then I change the subject.

Grrrr stinkin' people

because people never know what to say but feel the need to say something when they would have been better off not saying anything at all...

I guess people htink by not asking its rude but sometimes just acting like life is normal actually makes it that more normal.

I know how you feel about the questions. I live through it everyday.

Is asking if you can help with anything rude?

I never really thought about it being rude. A good friend of mine is a (recently) single mom. She is young and on her own. I am very proud of her for being strong. But I ask her frequently if there is anything that I can do to help her out. I offer to watch the baby for the day or the night just to give her a break. I probably watch her 3-4 day/nights a month. I only offer because I know that she would never ask. I don't offer out of pity though. I love her little girl to pieces and I understand that she would probably lose her mind if she never got a moment to herself. I am in a position to help her with that and never thought of it as coming across as rude or pity. Now I feel bad.

I don't think it rude, I just hate it when people make hollow offers. Oh hun, i'll watch your baby anytime you need me to, whenever you need a break, just let me know......but when i let them know....oh well i have stuff planned. and it's not just once, it's everytime i ask...or they even back out on me at the last min...it's just wrong!!!

and then people ask me if I need money, ummm does it look like I need money? No!! i make really good money for being my age and no college. yeah, we lived a great lifestyle when we both had our incomes, and it was really cushy, and most likely still would be. But you know what? He is gone...I cant' even press for C/S if i wanted too.

And just for the record, no i am not ok! No, i am not dealing/handling this very well, on the outside yes i am handling this great. but on the inside i am not so well....but i am doing the best i can. It's not something that can be fixed in just a few months. The love and the feelings don't dissapear....yeah i dated someone for a few months...but i knew in the long run it wouldnt' last because i am not over my husband.

but ok, enough of this.....I am ok, i am strong. Yes i loved him and i miss him a lot. but his death can't be changed. all i have left is the memory of him. I love him dearly...but people need to understand that asking every day of my life if i am ok just need to stop. (and not my e-health friends. yall are cool)

When my dad died I got sick of people asking me how I was doing. I got sick of all the food being dropped off and all the cards coming in. The worse thing was when I really started grieving around 3 years later no one was around. They all thought that I was fine.

I didn't handle grief that well either. In fact I was a mess! I am starting to become a mess again because in 2 days it will be 9 years since he passed. And yes, even though it was that long ago I still cry whenever I think about all of our good times together but I have learned to cherish them too.