have recently broke up with my bf after like a year, and I dunno how to feel. Sometimes I am really good, others I am so depressed I cant stop crying, I keep on seeing things that remind me of him, or hear songs or certain places that wind me up. I try to go out and get my head of things,but itsnot happening.

He had self-harm issues. There where a few occasions when he never got his way (For example, if I talked flirtaciously with a friend of mine, refused to speak to him because we where argueing) that he would cut, bite or hurt himself. Sometimes he even performed these things infront of me, and at times threatened to kill himself.

He was also rather violent towards me. He spat in my face a few times, grabbed my side so hard that it bruised entirely, punched me because he was being cheeky, so I was cheeky back,we knocked the hell outta each other twice (the first time I wanted to go home, he pushed me, screamed in my ear, shook me and wouldnt let me go, so I defended myself, the second I ended up in hospital with a black eye, it started becasue he punched me. I hit him back, AND HE PHONED THE POLICE), He full scale booted me infront off his best mate when we went camping, becasue I spoke to his friend and not to him cus where argueing, threatned to smash a mirror over my face and tried to burn my face with GHD straighteners, again,becasue I wanted to go home as things where getting too much. He also pushed me oncewhen I touched his facewith wax byaccident and I fellout the door. He hated me going out by myself without him, and mademe feel guiltyall the time, and unless I texted him throughout the night, would start an arguemtn the day after. He also went nuts at me for watching on porn my computer, but doesnt everyone, lol? He put me down an awful lot, calling my stupied or pathetic, even typing the words hurts.

He blamed me for his actions, casue I drove him crazy etc. He has trust issues. I didnt tell him bout talking to my ex, as he would get the wrong end of the stick, and told him it was weird seeing him with anohter person (when I saw him for the first time after the split), but we did talk, not bout us, just bout the youth club we both attended. I made up a few wee fibs, bout sleeping with someone he used to like and I didnt tell him my true a level grades, casue he was so smart and I felt daft on our first date.But helied bout weesilly things too and they didnt annoy me. The first time he grabbed meand hurt me was when I was honest to him bout not sleeping with the guy and talking to Andi. But after that, its hard to turst anyone who hurts you, took me a few days to realise what he did to me was wrong. I confided in my friends about some of the things that happened and he went MAD at me,but you need to talk, and he washard to talk with with that temper.

But we are broke up now and things are hard. He did treat me bad. But its hard for me. I wanted to help himin the way I couldnt my brother (who commitedsuicide a few years ago). And now I have to go out each week and face him in the one gay bar that we have, its so hard. How doya get over something like this, I miss him so much at times it hurts. And hes always in town as well wheich makesit harder, lol.
Well things have came to an all time level of madness. The gay scene and town over here are so small here and I am sick of hearing about him and seeing him. I cant go into the town without him being there and it just makes me ill seeing him, hearing about him, hismates talking about me, ignoring me (even though they are MEANT tobe mates with me) etc etc etc

I have started going to counselling and although its helping me. Its gonna be a nightmare to get over unless I dont have to see him all the time for a while. Ihave learned that I was mentally abusedand left with a lot of baggage that is hurtiong and stressing me out so much.

My aunt over in Leicester asked me to move over a few years ago, and I have now took her up on her offer. I am moving over in a month for a few monthes/a year to the dismay of my family and friends. I am slowly moving past him, but moving away would be a good decision me thinks. I have always wanted to move away anyways but got caught up in things, and I am bored here where I live, and its bout time for a change.

Am just really scared, have never fended for myself before and itsgonabe such a ratical change, but thats good surely?

It hurts causeon saturday I told him exactly what he did to me and how much of a bad person he is (made a little scene), but why do all his mates think hes such a nice guy, makes me think its all myfault, and he seems to be coping fine...