My husband says he has erectile
dysfunction. He went to the dr and she
said it was brought on by depression. It
has been nearly 6 very long months w/ no
sex. I love him very much , we've been
together for 9 yrs and have a 5 yr old
son. But we barely even cuddle anymore. He
won't even try to get an erection , it's
like he's given up. I'm starting to wonder
how much longer I can hang in here. I want
to have sex and I don't want it to be w/
someone else but I do find myself thinking
about it. How long should I wait?
|
MikeH90
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Mar 2007 Posts: 328 Location: , Illinois USA
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Re: Husband Has Ed Posted: 03-27-07 12:59pm
a lone
wrote:
My husband says he has
erectile dysfunction. He went to the dr
and she said it was brought on by
depression. It has been nearly 6 very long
months w/ no sex. I love him very much ,
we've been together for 9 yrs and have a 5
yr old son. But we barely even cuddle
anymore. He won't even try to get an
erection , it's like he's given up. I'm
starting to wonder how much longer I can
hang in here. I want to have sex and I
don't want it to be w/ someone else but I
do find myself thinking about it. How long
should I
wait?
sorry to hear this. Didn't the doc give
him something to take for the depression?
Do you know for a fact that he has ed? If
he isn't even trying could it be that he
is just telling you this because he
doesn't want to have sex with you? What I
am getting at is maybe he is having an
affair and that is just his excuse to not
be with you.
|
Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 5041 Location: to hell with this crap
Posted: 03-27-07 13:39pm
I am really sorry to hear this love.
Mike hit on some really tough realities,
which may be possible. I don't understand
why he would totally turn the other way.
Have you asked him to talk to you about
this? Why don't you talk to your husband
about going to see a therapist. Something
just doesn't float here...Maybe he is
embarrassed. I don't know.
I do know that a sexual relationship in a
marriage is very important. If you can't
be with him without it then you need to
move on for yourself...I can understand
the way you feel. you don't want to cheat
but you also need something that you
aren't getting.
I would try to get him to see someone
seperately and together. and maybe you
could go see a sex therapist and maybe he
can get your husband past his depression.
good luck to you. keep us updated.
|
change is good
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2007 Posts: 112 Location: Mesa AZ.,
Re: Husband Has Ed Posted: 03-27-07 13:40pm
MikeH90
wrote:
a lone
wrote:
My husband says he has
erectile dysfunction. He went to the dr
and she said it was brought on by
depression. It has been nearly 6 very long
months w/ no sex. I love him very much ,
we've been together for 9 yrs and have a 5
yr old son. But we barely even cuddle
anymore. He won't even try to get an
erection , it's like he's given up. I'm
starting to wonder how much longer I can
hang in here. I want to have sex and I
don't want it to be w/ someone else but I
do find myself thinking about it. How long
should I
wait?
sorry to hear this. Didn't the doc give
him something to take for the depression?
Do you know for a fact that he has ed? If
he isn't even trying could it be that he
is just telling you this because he
doesn't want to have sex with you? What I
am getting at is maybe he is having an
affair and that is just his excuse to not
be with you.
i think you should wait and get him to
talk to you. having had this problem
myself i can tell you that he is not
having an affair. he is afraid of not
being able to perform and please you. he
needs help for the depression and ed.
viagra works well. i know this is not an
easy time for you, but it is not an easy
time for him either. he is thinking that
this is his problem. it is but it affects
the two of you as a couple. his ego and
pride are hurting. it's not you. i'll bet
he thinks you are still sexy and he wants
to have sex but is afraid to try. ignoring
the problem will only make matters worse.
you two need to talk. not yell, fight or
argue . just talk.
let me know how this works
|
MikeH90
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Mar 2007 Posts: 328 Location: , Illinois USA
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 03-27-07 13:49pm
Sunflower_pie81
wrote:
I am really sorry to hear
this love. Mike hit on some really tough
realities, which may be possible. I don't
understand why he would totally turn the
other way. Have you asked him to talk to
you about this? Why don't you talk to your
husband about going to see a therapist.
Something just doesn't float here...Maybe
he is embarrassed. I don't know.
I do know that a sexual relationship in a
marriage is very important. If you can't
be with him without it then you need to
move on for yourself...I can understand
the way you feel. you don't want to cheat
but you also need something that you
aren't getting.
I would try to get him to see someone
seperately and together. and maybe you
could go see a sex therapist and maybe he
can get your husband past his depression.
My reasons for saying maybe it was an
affair was because it seemed like he
didn't want to get help. I can fully
understand his embarressment and wanting
to not deal with it. I suffer from pe and
it affected me to the point that I have
withdrawn from partners and figured whats
the point they'll end up leaving etc etc.
good luck to you. keep us
updated.
|
Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 5041 Location: to hell with this crap
Posted: 03-27-07 14:17pm
Quote:
My reasons for
saying maybe it was an affair was because
it seemed like he didn't want to get help.
I can fully understand his embarressment
and wanting to not deal with it. I suffer
from pe and it affected me to the point
that I have withdrawn from partners and
figured whats the point they'll end up
leaving etc etc.
Well i agree with you on both points. I
can see where it would hurt a man's pride
not to be able to uuummmmmm....preform,
but at the same time why does he totally
turn away from her and not even try. 6
Months??? that is a long time not to try
to get it up. But either way, she can't
be expected to just wait on him to either
fix this or die not being happy. she
needs to have something....and loving him
just isnt' enough.
honestly it's not.
|
a lone
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Mar 2007 Posts: 11 Location: Canada
Re: Husband Has Ed Posted: 03-27-07 16:33pm
change is good
wrote:
MikeH90
wrote:
a lone
wrote:
My husband says he has
erectile dysfunction. He went to the dr
and she said it was brought on by
depression. It has been nearly 6 very long
months w/ no sex. I love him very much ,
we've been together for 9 yrs and have a 5
yr old son. But we barely even cuddle
anymore. He won't even try to get an
erection , it's like he's given up. I'm
starting to wonder how much longer I can
hang in here. I want to have sex and I
don't want it to be w/ someone else but I
do find myself thinking about it. How long
should I
wait?
sorry to hear this. Didn't the doc give
him something to take for the depression?
Do you know for a fact that he has ed? If
he isn't even trying could it be that he
is just telling you this because he
doesn't want to have sex with you? What I
am getting at is maybe he is having an
affair and that is just his excuse to not
be with you.
i think you should wait and get him to
talk to you. having had this problem
myself i can tell you that he is not
having an affair. he is afraid of not
being able to perform and please you. he
needs help for the depression and ed.
viagra works well. i know this is not an
easy time for you, but it is not an easy
time for him either. he is thinking that
this is his problem. it is but it affects
the two of you as a couple. his ego and
pride are hurting. it's not you. i'll bet
he thinks you are still sexy and he wants
to have sex but is afraid to try. ignoring
the problem will only make matters worse.
you two need to talk. not yell, fight or
argue . just talk.
let me know how this
works
Thanks for your point of
view. It has helped me understand what
he's feeling. I will talk to him about
Viagra and our issues w/ understanding
and patience. We had great sex before the
ED and I would love to get that back for
both our sake. I really don't think he's
cheating. I know where he is all the
time-we're close that way. I don't want to
lose the love of my life.
|
fiona05
Supporter
Joined: 21 Dec 2005 Posts: 663 Location: , Norn Iron
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 03-27-07 19:00pm
yeah, i disagree with mike, i think that
to jump to any rash conclusions about
cheating, or about him not wanting to have
sex with you would be wrong. if you were
to jump in both feet first and confront
him it wouldn't do much to help his
problem, and it may simply cause more
issues. if you two are really as in love
and as close as you say then i'll trust
that it's not about cheating or about him
not wanting you.
as for the lack of physical contact, this
is common with guys who have ed; he is
afraid to touch you or to cuddle you
because he knows that it can't lead to
anything else and he's ashamed. he's not
trying, because it's easier for his self
esteem that way: if he doesn't try then he
can't fail. i'm sure he feels like a
failure. however he's told you he has ed;
he's not hiding from the truth. this is
the first step!
the most important thing is that you two
talk about it. really really talk about
it. get him to discuss his feelings and
thoughts and share yours too. there can be
no secrets. you need to iron out
everything and make sure you get
everything out in the open. it may be an
underlying concern of his that is
troubling him, something very simple that
you could solve just by talking. or it
could be something deeply psychological
that requires therapy. or it could be a
physical problem that needs to be
investigated, but either way you need to
reassure him that you are going to support
him and be there for him and help him.
this is the most important thing. i know
how frustrating it can be, and you feel
like there's only so much you can take.
but if you really love him then you'll do
what it takes.
i guess what you really need to do is to
get to the root of the problem. what age
is he? are you sure it is depression? if
so did the doctor prescribe him medicine?
did he suggest viagra/cialis?
|
change is good
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2007 Posts: 112 Location: Mesa AZ.,
a Lone Posted: 03-28-07 05:31am
how's it going? were you and your husband
able to talk?
let us know
|
Stan
Moderator
Joined: 01 Jan 2006 Posts: 1666 Location: ,
Thanks: 2
Thanked:0
Posted: 03-28-07 10:34am
Well, obviously, if he is depressed he
needs to find out why (may be a physical
problem he's unaware of) and get treatment
for it. If not, he should try to find
some natural remedies for the problem like
the classic, saw palmetto. If these
things don't work, then he needs to get
treatment for the problem through a
doctor. You should techincally be waiting
forever, because he's your husband.
Marriage is about difficulty as much as it
is comfort. My wife stuck by me when I
went through a terrible physical problem
and sometimes it would be a long time
before we had sex, but I always did my
best to try and she stayed with me.
That's what you should be doing, as well
as encouraging him to seek treatment in
the ways mentioned above.
