Accepting Girlfriends Past Posted: 03-25-07 10:31am
I have been with my girlfriend for one
year now. I was a virgin before meeting
her whereas she slept with ten people. At
first this was okay but eventually it
became a problem that exasperated more
than I could imagine. I traveled to
England for two months and we are staying
together during these months. I have
cheated on her because of my bitterness
about her past. She loves me and is still
in love with me. She would never cheat on
me. She apologizes about her past. But I
can't get over being shallow, and it
hasn't stopped bothering me. I am consumed
by thoughts of the guys she has been with.
I know it is all in the past, yet I do not
feel the same as I used to. Maybe I am not
in love, or maybe my
pathetic-stubbornness/ego has finally
caught up to me. Any thoughts?
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Moo
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Feb 2006 Posts: 1066 Location: London
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Posted: 03-25-07 12:48pm
You cheated on her because she had a past?
You can't control what happened before she met
you and if you can't cope with it
then maybe you should look deep down into
why. Are you only going to be happy if
your gf is a virgin before you?
Do you apologise about
cheating? She has no need to apologise for
things that happened when she didn't know
you and you have no right to expect that
she should.
.g.e.t. o.v.e.r. i.t - everyone has a past
and if you love someone you accept it. If
you can't get past it then move on because
it's not fair to cheat on someone and be
like that with them because they had sex
before they met you.
grow up.
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babybowser
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Feb 2007 Posts: 7 Location: san jose
Posted: 03-26-07 13:22pm
you cheated her..you dont deserve to be
with her. watch a movie called "chasing
amy". its a really good and relevant to
this subject and maybe itll show you some
insights. you have to change the way you
think, you have to let go of the
bitterness. does she know you cheated on
her?
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Makoto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2006 Posts: 263 Location: Japan
Posted: 03-26-07 14:36pm
Yes, your ego is getting the best of you.
You hate the idea some one has touched
your woman.
For crying out loud she is a human being
and had a life before she met you.
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The Godly One
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Jan 2006 Posts: 76
Posted: 04-10-07 16:45pm
If you are serious, then you really got to
get a grip guy.
If you don't like it, go and find a
virgin.
Otherwise, you will find that women tend
to sleep with men.
Sorta like guys sleeping with gals.
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nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2500 Location: ,
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online
Posted: 04-10-07 17:46pm
okay first this girl should dump this guy
becase he cheated on her. If she stays
with him after he cheated she is really
stupid/ignorant. A girl past is never an
excuse to cheat.
Now going to her. What explanation does
she has for her past? Did she cheated in
her 10 previous relationships? Where all
of them one night stands? Find out what
the underlying cause was. And this an
example to put into perspective, my fiance
had an exwife with a promiscous past. The
cause for this was because she was
sexually abused as child and she didn't
got proper physichiatric treatment
afterwards. Well he married her and she
cheated on him, divorce happened. Other
thing 10 relationships is nothing if she
is single like me in the 30's come'on.
Spreading that out into years that's means
a few hehehe.
Last i'm sorry if i offended you james but
going back to the begining there is no
excuses to cheat. I would have dumped you
in a new york minute.
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sleepy_pandora
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 2 Location: Singapore
I Know What You Mean. Posted: 04-11-07 16:08pm
Hi James,
I was in your position before and i felt a
lil more insecure because stories streamed
in about him when we were together.
I know it is a little hard to accept. But
i learnt this: IF you can't accept it,
then you probably can't accept her as your
girlfriend. It is a fact that kept me in
denial for too long. Things are clearer
now. She had lots of bf but you have her
now. Why focus on her past when you can
plan the present and future. It is easier
said than done. For me, i let myself lose
him and i learnt this.
Whether it is too late, i am not sure. But
if things were to work out, then i'll let
it work out. If not, maybe we're not
destined to be together. (That is how i
see things though. Many probably think
that i am too reliant on how things will
eventually fall into place. I am not as
passive as i sound).
Good luck. Just tell yourself that you've
done something bad as well. Worse, it is
when she is with you. Judging the
unfairness of the situation, be honest
with her and hope she'll forgive you.
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james909
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Mar 2007 Posts: 2 Location: London
Posted: 04-12-07 23:45pm
I appreciate all the responses, and no
need to apologize, the harsh responses are
warranted. Thanks everybody.
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Clarkless
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Apr 2007 Posts: 9
Posted: 04-19-07 15:08pm
it's ok man.
one of my exgirlfriends slept with over 20
people before I was with her. I found out
about it after I was with her for a few
months. Ultimately we broke it off,
because the little "20-people crack"
evolved into a fault line.
Bottom Line - You can't blame someone
becuase they did something you disagree
with before you even knew them.
Your jealousy and resentment is warranted
because this is something that bothers
you. I've been there, I know how you feel.
But it's a matter of accepting it or not
accepting it. You can't cheat on her
because you dont' like what she did before
you knew her.
On the brightside, she's probably pretty
good in the sack... ya know what i
mean?!?!
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sillyakchick
Supporter
Joined: 12 Apr 2007 Posts: 2688
Thanks: 5
Thanked:0
Posted: 04-19-07 15:19pm
Are you serious? Do you really like this
girl?? Because the things that happened
in her past made her who she is today, and
if you like her then you should get every
single one of these guys on the phone and
thank tham. Then thank them that things
didn't work out with them and now she is
with you. Then go rent Othello with
Lawrence Fishburne. It is a great movie
about the green-eyed monster.
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notaseasyas123
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jul 2007 Posts: 4 Location: ca
Gf's Past Posted: 07-23-07 01:15am
I'm so sick and tired of people saying her
past is what made her what she is
today...or the past is the past...or what
you have today is the only thing that
counts...that's [edit]. If it bugs you,
it's for a good reason. people who sleep
around have issues. You don't need that.
One thing....how many in how long a period
of time is crucial. 10 in one year vs. 10
over 10 years is another. How old is she.
The nature of the sleeping around is
important.
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Hollyberries
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Joined: 20 Jun 2007 Posts: 1851 Location: Lead, sd usa
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Posted: 07-23-07 02:10am
Who cares how many people shes been with.
As long as she used protection with these
men her past should not matter. Even if
she did have 10 men still doesn't give the
right to cheat on her. If it's that bad
then i guess you need to move on, and
leave her alone. I'm sure she's not proud
of her past, but ever thought maybe she
wants to move on ,and start a new chapter
in her life?
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Willa Weintraub
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Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
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Posted: 07-24-07 08:55am
Hollyberries
wrote:
Who cares how many people
shes been with. As long as she used
protection with these men her past should
not matter. Even if she did have 10 men
still doesn't give the right to cheat on
her. If it's that bad then i guess you
need to move on, and leave her alone. I'm
sure she's not proud of her past, but ever
thought maybe she wants to move on ,and
start a new chapter in her
life?
I agree.there is no
difference between 5 and 10.no matter how
high the nimber,she has still done
everything with someone else.think about
if the two of you broke it off and you
founsd a virgin who liked you and you fell
in love.Imagine she felt it to be right to
cheat on you because you already had
someone else before her.how would you
feel? what goes around comes around.
