my bf of almost 2 years just broke up with me by sending me this e-mail:

Dearest C,

The past year and a half we have shared some wonderful times. Times I will hold dear to my heart for years to come. You are by far the most amazing woman I have ever had the chance to be close to. You are intelligent, poised, determined, stunningly beautiful, and you continue to impress me. In a time in my life when I cherish freedom more than security you have allured me for longer than I would have imagined.

It is with deepest sorrow that I write you this evening. I have painstakingly come to the conclusion that I don't love you like you deserve or need to be loved. Ultimately, this has happened because I am not ready for this commitment at this time in my life. Staying together with you now I feel is only hurting you more and delaying the inevitable. While I am dejected at the thought of hurting you, I realize that this departure will only get harder in time, just as it has hurt you immensely in the past few rocky months.

I know you will think to read and reread this email ad nauseum. Please don't. You know what it says. When you analyze things such as this, you always linger on words, phrases, or thoughts to punish yourself. You always tend to extract the most incisive details and bury them in your stomach like a knife. C, you have no reason to berate yourself. You should only to be proud of yourself for your character, your person, and all of your accomplishments. I see wonderful traits in you and I feel horrible that I have not reinforced them throughout our relationship. If I had better communicated to you how truly great you are, perhaps issues in the relationship such as jealousy, trust, and confidence would not have existed. While I accept some blame for these issues, I cannot explain why so many our interactions yielded such negative emotional sentiments.

Why is this happening? It is not one variable, but the most complex equation I have ever tried to solve. We seem to work out on paper just fine. Analyze our relationship in a number of ways and it seems it can work out in the end. But it just doesn't feel right. And these things you're supposed to feel in your heart. I know we derive different emotions from our relationship and I wish that it were different and our love could supplement to a long and healthy relationship.

There seems to be no indication of a healthy relationship here, though. You speak of detachment from your family and friends, a lack of confidence catalyzed by my cruelty and insensitivity. Looking at these things you say and the way you say them make me wonder why I am the one ending this relationship.

Sweet C, I so wish I could just send you an email right now to lift your heart to the sky. I love seeing you happy. You are the cutest girl I know. I am crying now writing ... and thinking.. just how much I love to see you happy. You have the brightest smile and it really brightens the world. You have brightened my world more than I can ever communicate. I only wish I could have done the same for you. Saying that you are happy in this relationship in conjunction with the other things you have mentioned would only prove that this relationship has reduced you more than you should ever accept.

I have no answers to your questions, just more questions myself. I can only say that I need this time in my life to myself, I am immensely sorry for the pain I have caused you.

Love,
J


i am crushed. i want him back so badly, and i can't believe this is happening--especially not by e-mail.

what should i do? i don't know how to cope with this...