i think your best bet is that if you want to keep your boyfriend stop drinking.

“The thought of stopping altogether terrifies me” Bingo!
Those are the magic words. Nirvana, you are screwed! When we get to that place, and I have, we are probably beyond exercising any real control over alcohol.

Just not drinking, as good as that advice sounds, just isn’t in the cards for us. We will always find a reason to have just one. And you know how “just one “ goes.

Nirvana, you realize that most people never ask themselves “Am I an alcoholic?” The only ones who try to control their alcohol consumption are the ones who have already lost said control.

Normal people never ask themselves such questions.

Like I said before, you, me, and millions of other people to whom the idea of not drinking ever again, scares the hell out of, are screwed!

Alcoholics Anonymous is where I learned to live quite happily without alcohol. I no longer am screwed, I am free.

Richard

According to the DSM IV there are a bunch of questions that you answer that determine whether you are an alcoholic or not. Just because you answer yes to one or two, doesn't necessarily mean you are screwed and doomed to be an alkie for life.

I think for you the worst thing is you can't handle your booze. I don't mean to be mean when I say that. If when you drink you are beating the tar of this guy you say you love, you shouldn't drink. How long would you put up with being the target of someone's anger every time they get loaded? It isn't ok if he touches you either. But if he's defending himself, he certainly has the right to do that.

Maybe you and he shouldn't drink together.

Mommy, not to hijack Nirvana’s thread, but if someone is an “Alkie” they are an alkie for life. That is just a straight up fact. And a fact accepted by everybody, well…. Everyone except alkie’s that still want to rationalize their drinking.

Point two, Nirvana’s boyfriend isn’t drinking, and really unpleasant things are still happening to her! It isn’t a question of their drinking together. According to Nirvana’s story, her drinking has always been punctuated with behavior like kicking her boyfriend out.

“If when you drink you are beating the tar of this guy you say you love, you shouldn't drink.” The great advice we just can’t take.

You don’t do her any favors sugar coating what is going on in her life. It isn’t about who she drinks with, or what she drinks, or how often she drinks. It runs a lot closer to her core than that.

The basic premise of Alcoholics Anonymous is we suffer from a spiritual disease, and that spiritual disease is treated with a spiritual remedy. Good advice, like don’t drink is of little or no use for someone who has lost the power of choice over if they drink or not.

But this power greater than ourselves, read a spiritual remedy is of much use to us alkie’s.

Richard

You are an alcoholic for life??? That is the one main problem of AA. A person sober for 20 years still thinks he is an alcoholic.

You would think after 20 years you would not be addicted to alcohol, or after 20 years you would not need alcohol. "20 years sober" my god what a way to live. Counting the days you have been sober. Why count?? What are you waiting for. Usually you count to an ends. What are you counting for, you are going to live your whole life thinking you are an alcoholic.

Listen, if you need alcohol to have fun, you are an alcoholic. Plain and simple. If you can not enjoy life naturally, and need alcohol to enjoy a wedding ,party, dance, etc, you are dependent on alcohol.

All you have to do is change your mindset. Find the various ways you use alcohol as a crutch and get rid of them. Once you are able to that, and no longer dependent on alcohol to enjoy life, you are no longer an alcoholic and no longer need to count days or years of sobriety.

i do believe once your an alcoholic you are for life. one slip up let it be 10 or 20 years could send you right back to where you started again.

Makoto…
You’re right. If one can not enjoy life without augmenting it with alcohol, they have a problem. I know that is true from my own experience.

I haven’t found it necessary to pick up that first in a endless string of drinks in a long time. And I do make note of how long it has been. It pleases me to do so.

I also know that I am just one drink away from my old hopeless life. And I will be just one drink away for the rest of my life. The cruel truth is most alcoholics don’t believe that. They like you figure, I haven’t had a drink in a long time, I can surely have a couple of drinks now.

I have a friend, who had been sober for years when I first came into AA, who did just that. He got into some trouble and decided he would drink at the problem. I take an AA meeting into a local detox every week and I ran into him there last week.

He looked like death warmed over. Makoto, if what you say is true, after x number of years one is no longer an alcoholic, why is he drinking himself to death right now?

My friend, like I said before, once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Maybe where we are missing each other is I don’t fight against that next drink year after year, no one can. The obsession has been lifted some time ago, I go to weddings, parties, picnics and I have a fun time without getting loaded, I have done so for years, but I don’t forget who I am.

It takes a lot of will power and motivation to stay sober for life.
_________________________
samantha_07
Alcohol Intervention --Know more about alcohol intervention options

Because all those years of AA did not do anything to change his thinking.

Not only that, AA's way of doing things make a person feel like a failure if they slip up. Counting years is like waiting for some big even going to happen.

No, if you want to give up drinking you start out with the frame of mind I am a non-drinker and I do not need alcohol to help me in life. I can do fine with out it. There and from that point on you are a non-drinker. You never have to fear the idea of being addicted to alcohol again. All you have to do is change your thinking towards alcohol.

AA just because you are always thinking "I am one drink away from being a drunk." I am an alcoholic but I have been sober of 20 years. If after 20 years one is still living in fear of alcohol, then it is not alcohol that is the problem. It is the mindset of the individual. You would think after 20 years a person has learned to have fun and enjoy life fully and honestly with out alcohol. Yet if some one is thinking "I am an alcoholic" they have not begun to move on.

Alcohol is like most other substance addictions. Once you realize that most of it is mental, and that your thinking about it is wrong(and so is everyone else's even those so called "non-alcoholics". If you think about it, if you can not have a good time with out alcohol you are dependent on it. Just to varying degree that is all). I feel that AA is looking at things wrong. You live in fear of doing something you will regret doing. If you live like that, it is only a matter of time before you slip up.

Do not be afraid of failing, just remember that it is your thinking that is wrong. 20 years sober is the wrong mentality. I gave up drinking and enjoy my life fully, is a much better way to be thinking. IMO.

I would much rather live in total confindence and security, not run and hide and be afraid of a problem. If you have total confindence you do not need to avoid places where drinking will take place(although you will realize how boring such places really are). If you are avoiding, you are actually saying you are not over your fears or dependency.

I could go on.

Just get Allen Carr's Easy Way to Stop Drinking, you can get it on the net second hand, or at book stores. Read that book and see what happens.

Alcoholism is the only disease which tells us that we have no problem. Alcoholism is not a matter of morals, but rather in large part an alergy.(look up the word alergy) If a person is for instance alergic to strawberries they will always suffer from this alergy. Same with alcohol. As a long time alcoholic I have experienced long time sobriety. Even after all that time I found that when I did drink the results were the same or worse. One question that I had to honestly ask myself was if I had ever drank against my will. When waking in the morning did I decide not to drink that day only to drink anyway. It's not the frequency or amount I drank, but rather the outcome. Only you can say whether or not you are alcoholic. At any rate it's nothing to fear. If you are alcoholic the disease can be arrested, though never cured you can have a productive and happy life. Pick up the book,"Alcoholics Anonymous" at Barns And Noble I believe or they can order it for you. It can answer many questions. God bless you and good luck. RJ.

You may not be physically dependent on alchohol, but as to your question of whether or not you are an alchoholic, I believe you are definitely well on your way to being one, so essentially, yes, you already are one. Please stop drinking. Believe me, I can relate; I am one too.