When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell.
So I always have a few sessions with my
students. It helps them get over shyness
and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame.
Kids bring in pet turtles, model
airplanes, pictures of fish they catch,
stuff like that. And I never, ever place
any boundaries or limitations on them. If
they want to lug it in to school and talk
about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a
very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her
turn and waddles up to the front of the
class with a pillow stuffed under her
sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant.
"This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm
going to tell you about his birthday."
"First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol
of their love, and then Dad put a seed in
my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there.
He ate for nine months through an umbrella
cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the
pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and
wishing I had my camcorder with me. The
kids are watching her in amazement.
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom
starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!'
Erica puts a hand behind her back and
groans. "She walked around the house for,
like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' Now this kid
is doing a hysterical duck walk and
groaning.
"My Dad called the middle wife. She
delivers babies, but she doesn't have a
sign on the car like the Domino's man.
They got my Mom to lie down in bed like
this." Then Erica lies down with her back
against the wall.
"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of
water she kept in there in case he got
thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled
all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This
kid has her legs spread with her little
hands miming water flowing away. It was
too much! "Then the middle wife starts
saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe,
breathe.
They started counting, but never even got
past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes
my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff
that they all said it was from Mom's
play-center, so there must be a lot of
toys inside there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical
bow and returned to her seat.
