Hello everyone.

Need some input. Im 30 y.o. female and I've been diagnosed with depression in 1996, after my best friend was brain-injured in a car crash. I lost twin girls in 1997, born alive at five months pregnancy...both died within the hour. I don't think I ever fully recovered. Since then, and these are just a few of my series of unfortunate events in life, I've been on different medications mostly anti-depressants Paxil, Effexor and such. I never feel 100% better but once I start being able to "manage" with everyday life, I stop the meds and go down in a spiral again until I or someone close realises I'm needing my meds again so back to the dr I go. But as I am getting older, I'm starting to think it's more than depression. I have moments in my life when I can go without or with little sleep for days and others when all I want to do is sleep. I become very obscessed with anything I become involved in weather it's work, family, relationships, hobby...even the food I eat. I will crave something and eat it for days in a row until I get a new craving. I always feel guilty of everything, I think everyone is looking at me, talking about me. I feel I bother people or annoy them. I constantly hear a voice in my head and allthough I know it's my voice, it's almost as if it's another person talking and it's all negative. I don't like to go out or meet people as I feel I don't fit in. I get realy happy sometimes about something and it's almost like euphoria and the next day, I'm beating myself up and Im ready to break anything and I have!!! I have ruined lots of relationships by making up or assuming things and I get paranoid sometimes to the point that I can't stand my own self and I get physical symptoms such as lack of sleep, lack of appetite, nausea, stomack cramps fast heartbeat...I hate feeling like this. Sometimes I feel like I want to get out of my own skin and suicide sounds like the only way out except I still have the reasoning that it's not the solution and I lost a friend to suicide and would not want to put my loved ones through that cause I love them too much. But could this be a misdiagnosed schizophrenia or bi-polar? Anyone have a clue?