Hello! My name is Brittany and Im 20 years old. I've been on this site before, a long time ago. Back then i use to write about not being able to get pregant. Now i've come back because a few weeks ago i lost the greatest thing that could ever happen to me. Girls Please help me get through this. Here's my story:

My fiance' and I have been trying for a very long time (about 3 years) to conceive. My doctor told me i was fine and to just give it time. It eventually got to the point where having sex was more of a duty than pleasure. I felt bad for my hunnie and after many let downs i finally decided to give up. Maybe im just not meant to be a mommy. Well during that very depressing time my grandfather who raised me also passed away. I was at a point in my life where i really questioned god. Throughout the following weeks i was very tired and didn't eat much. But somehow i was gaining weight like crazy. I didn't think much of it until one day i had realised i was almost 2 months late. (thats how long it had been since my grandpa had passed). I went to the store and got a test just to see.... And sure enough what i had dreamed of for so long was finally ture. I was pregnant. It took me 6 test plus a doctors visit to sink in. I was going to be a mommy. I had a little life growing inside my tummy. Words can't describe the way i felt. *I beleive my grandfather had something to do with it.* I told everyone, even people i didn't know. When you hope for something for so long it's like you want the world to know. My parents had already bought the baby so much stuff. And his parents were already planning to help with the baby's room. My life was honestly perfect.

Until one morning i woke up and my bed was completely red. I've never seen so much blood in my life. I kept thinking to myself, there's no way im losing this baby. It can't be true. I stayed many days in the hospital and had to wait out the miscarriage. Im not sure why they wouldn't do i D&C. At that point i was out of it im sure it wouldn't of mattered
.
I was 9 weeks and 4 days when my baby went to heaven. It really gets to me wondering what my precious child would come to be. A boy? or a Girl? What would they look like? Would there first words be ma'ma? Im not really sure how to take it. And you only understand if you've been through it. I just try to take it day by day. Hopefully one day god will see that my meaning in life is to be a mother.

If anyone has an advice please, please get back to me!!!