Well, let's start with some re-education. A lot of people think your first time is supposed to hurt, or has to hurt. The truth is, it does not have to, and it is not supposed to. If it hurts, something is not quite right. Now don't misunderstand me. Pain is common for the first time, but that does not in any way mean it is unavoidable or supposed to be there.

The number one cause of pain during sex, first time or otherwise, is lack of lubrication. Many things can cause a woman to not be lubricated enough. One reason is being nervous, which many first timers are.

The second most common reason for pain during sex is being tense. Being nervous, afraid, or even excited, can make your vagina clench like any other muscle would when you're nervous.

The third and least common reason for pain during sex is various gynecological problems such as infection.

For more information, check out coolnurse:

"Sex shouldn't hurt, whether it’s your first time or your hundredth time.....If sex hurts, it's usually because a woman hasn't been sexually aroused through foreplay. That means her vagina isn't lubricated enough before a man penetrates her."
http://www.coolnurse.com/sex_faqs2.htm

Buy some lubrication, take your time, stay relaxed, and don't rush. If you continue to notice pain, tell your ob-gyn about it.

Just thinking that sex is going to hurt plays a huge factor in how much it will hurt. Check this site out:

"Normally, the vaginal sphincter keeps the vagina closed until the need to expand and relax. This relaxation allows for sexual intercourse, medical examination, insertion of tampons and childbirth. Vaginismus occurs when the vagina is unable to relax and permit the penetration of the penis during intercourse however, when vaginismus does occur, the sphincter goes into spasm resulting in the tightening of the vagina....

Vaginismus is not due to a physical abnormality of the genitals. Some women wonder if their vagina is too small to fit a penis into, or perhaps they have no vaginal opening at all. This is understandable especially when the vaginal muscles are in spasm as they can give the appearance that the opening is nonexistent. These concerns, however, are incorrect as the genital area is completely normal....

Concepts such as penetration, intercourse and even sex can cause fear or trepidation in the mind of may a young inexperienced woman who may hear stories about painful first intercourse, which then reinforce the fear of penetration. This fear can compound and create a pattern of sexual anxiety, causing the vagina to remain dry and un-relaxed before intercourse...."
http://www.coolnurse.com/vaginismus.htm

She's right. My first time didn't hurt at all, and I really mean that.

Spooning style can also help; most people don't think of havin sex like that, but it is a very gentle, shallow penetration.

Yes, use lots of lube!!!

How old are you? Hun?

it's supposed to hurt for some of us with thick hymens. It hurted really bad for me and i bleed a lot and judging for the chunks of skin that came out it's not way that would have been pain free no matter how much lube. But after the hymen was fully broken i was fine. I too was surprised that it was not going to be easy, i exactly can understand how you felt, you just have to be brave and put up with it. Going slowly and on top really helped me.

umm it is supposed to hurt for the first time. It may not hurt for some people, but most people it does. I really wish it didn't, but it does. It is frustrating. We will keep practicing and hopefully it will get easier. it seemed to get a little better next time.

A lot of it just depends on the girl. Before my first time, my hymen was torn by a tampon. So, I didn't bleed, but I still experienced the stretching pain. You'll want to take it slow, but not too slow and don't panic and you'll be ok.

I think the wording that we want to avoid here is "it is supposed to hurt".

It can, and it is common, and it is normal if it does. However, it is not an absolute, and the phrase "supposed to" implies that if it doesn hurt, then something is wrong.

Llewellyn and Eiri are correct it is not supposed to hurt
even thick hymens are incredibly thin - normal ones are practically see through - like a huge bubble gum bubble just before it bursts. they are rather fragile.
sports and gymnastics, horseback riding and ballet, using tampons can all rupture or stretch the hymen.

Well then why does it hurt for me?

Last summer i tried using a tampon for the first time and I couldn't get it in so I just gave up.

Then today I tried using one and it went right in! I couldn't feel it at all. So I guess I'm opening up a little more.

Did no one else read this part?

Sweetie, if he sticks it in you, you are no longer a virgin - and it .I.S your first time...

But, no, it shouldn't hurt. Get some lubrication and go slow.

because you aren't lubed and physically ready.
you need to take it slow - he needs to be loving and gentle - using fingers first to gently open you some more.



I couldn't use tampons for the first 4 years that I had my periods - I simply couldn't get them in.
Looking back it's because I was too tense and not confident in what I was doing.

patience - patience - patience.

hey kia ! I have not heard from you in a long time!?

Not technically, he didn't even stick it all the way in. I'm sure my hymen didn't break.. People have different opinions on when they technically lose their virginity.

That is exactly it. You will slowly stretch, and possibly your hymen will break, but it may not. That's okay.

Did the head of the penis get in? That counts, tecnically.

You should honestly use fingers first and get used to smaller objects, working your way up to a penis.

kia i will tell you this my hymen was not incredibly thin. It was chunks of skin not transparent and quite thick. The blood traspassed the sheets to the mattress that first time. The second time i had sex when the hymen finally broke all I had to do it in a tub for how much i was bleeding. After it really broke all the bleed and pain suddenly all stop. Now I tell you this I was loong time virgin (30's) so maybe that affected and I never used tampons (still i don't like to use tampons).

The other thing to look at is what vaginal size are you talking about and how well endowed the guy is. I dated this guy and everytime I had sex with him the first penetration always hurted because the man had a very wide penis from head to bottom. I tried lube to see if that might change the situation but to not availability. My vaginal opening was just small for his head size. During the sex then the vaginal opening streched but never I could escaped the pain when he first penetratred me everytime for as long as the relationship lasted. I never had that problem with the others bf i had.

No previous stretching can affect your hymen and how it reacts during sex. ^^

hun, that would have put you in the hospital and you would have been having a plasma iv.


once you are fully developed physically, no vagina is too small of any penis. - well unless that penis happens to be more than 4 inches across .

the vagina is perfectly capable of stretching to 4 inches for the purpose of birthing a baby. Now is your partner has a penis that is bigger than a new born baby....

If we are going to talk technically then as soon as the tip of the penis passes the vaginal entrance - that is your virginity gone. Gone for ever.

the hymen breaking or not has nothing what-so-ever to do with virginity.